A despondent Jeremy Langdon of Sky Sports – bless him.
The look on his face would have brought a tear to a glass eye; that deep and worsening misery, as things went from bad to worse for Fulham, was writ large in every line of his suffering face – his doleful expression enough to curdle milk. Who?? I hear you ask. Ross McCormack, maybe, or Matt Smith? Both would have hoped for a happier time of it against their erstwhile employers. Having striven with might and main to succeed and justify the transfer fees Leeds had extorted out of the Cottagers, the striking pair fired a succession of blanks between them, Mr. McContract eventually limping off with a suspected knee injury. Doubtless he’ll have been reflecting that this was not the Fulham he’d fallen in love with at that first, romantic meeting between greedy turncoat striker and pink, pretty, blushing new payslip.
But no – despite the horrendous evening that both of these former United hitmen undoubtedly endured, the man who cut the saddest and most tragic figure of all was surely the Sky Sports News live match reporter, Jeremy Langdon. He looked as though he’d lost a bob, found sixpence and been bereaved of his closest friends and family, all while nursing a severe case of strangulated piles. Poor, despairing man. We must surely be big enough in victory to send him all the very best of wishes for his eventual recovery, as he heads for the restorative therapy of counselling, medication and electrodes. The increasingly glum and despondent look on Langdon’s face offered up little hope of him ever smiling again. It had been a truly dreadful night for anyone without Leeds in their blood.
But, for the rest of us – those with the sequence LUFC repeating itself ad infinitum throughout our sporting DNA – tonight was a small miracle as well as a huge celebration. For a start, we won. And not only did we win – we well won, 3-0 away at a club that was taking both the mick and several liberties not too long back. And not only that – we absolutely scored, from a corner, yet – and new hero Sol Bamba got off the mark as a Leeds scorer with that second breakthrough. With Sam Byram having got matters off to a satisfactory start with a powerful header in the dying minutes of the first half, and Mirco Antenucci rubbing the Fulham’s noses in it with a scuffed finish late on – and a sending off for home defender Kostas Stafylidis – all it would then have taken was a Steve Morison goal to have us pinching ourselves to wake from what would assuredly have been one of those – ahem – “special” dreams. Noctis mirabilis? Abso-bloody-lutely.
If anything can add that extra bit of piquant charm to a 3-0 win away from home, it’s the undeniable fact that the scoreline hardly tells the full story. Fulham could and should have had a hatful themselves but, sure enough, the old firm of McCormack & Smith, “Howlers, we make ’em”, were on the kind of form to make us all send up prayers of thanks that we ever managed to offload them. Poor old Ross had the ball in the net at one point, but brilliantly managed to be offside in the process, much to his amusing anguish. And there has to be some feeling that he actually sustained the injury which eventually saw him subbed, in violently protesting to the ref after Stafylidis saw red.
Fellow flop Matt Smith must be suspected in some quarters of still being on the Elland Road payroll, such was the sublime insouciance with which he spurned several gift-wrapped, gilt-edged golden chances. Our shot-stopper par excellence, Marco Silvestri should also be accorded a massive chunk of credit; for when any Fulham shirt did threaten to get one on target, there was Signor Marco, proud and defiant, thwarting them like a good’un. It was lovely, deeply satisfactory stuff.
Leeds coach Neil Redfearn commented afterwards that Leeds could have won by a massive 6-0, such was our dominance late on – but, really, it could just as easily have been 6-6 and a tie breaker. Thoughts of a 6-0 win for Leeds would, in any event, have brought with them fears for the grieving Sky reporter Langdon’s very existence.
It’s tempting to say – if only it had mattered more, or counted for something. The play-offs, after all, remain a distant and seemingly unattainable Holy Grail – we’d need a miracle of Steve Morison hat-trick proportions to get anywhere near that particular Promised Land. But the evening may not have been utterly without meaning; Fulham will now be looking nervously over their shoulders at the relegation dogfight just a few points behind them. If Wigan can rally; if McCormack’s injury rules him out; and if Fulham themselves succumb to trapdoor nerves – then this season might, after all, have a riotously funny, Schadenfreude ending of maliciously comic satisfaction. You just never know – but you can always pray for such a rewardingly humorous outcome.
In our comfortable and complacent mid-table security, it’s nice to have something devoutly to hope for in the unseemly battle beneath us. Apart from happier times for poor dear Jeremy Langdon, of course. Honestly. His tragic little face….
Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything 
“a severe case of strangulated piles” …….wonderful description Rob, I will try and bring that quote into conversation tomorrow !!! MOT
LikeLike
Honestly, who on earth will you be talking to?? 😉
LikeLike
Even at 2-0 down and a player sent off, they still looked the better team.
Not sure how we got a win tonight, just happy we did. I do not know where Neil was getting the 6-0 from.
Let’s hope the luck or great tactics continue.
LikeLike
Gloomy bugger. As Thatch said, “Just rejoice!!” 😉
LikeLike
What a joy to go cottaging and see that performance . A great read as always Rob.
LikeLike
I’m just glad Peter Beagrie wasn’t there to see it. He would surely have had to retire from his anti-Leeds punditry job, to spend more time with his face.
LikeLike
A horrible thought
LikeLike
Just got back from the smoke Rob . What a great day out in Hammersmith and even better night out at fulhams expence. Poor Ross I almost felt sorry for him as he trudged past nearly 4.000 of us when he decided he’d had enough. Mind you credit to him he could’ve walked the opposite way around the pitch past his own supporters and he did applaud us. Bless him . I bet on nights like tonight he must miss playing in front of a crowd who cheer his every touch. Money ain’t everything Ross. I’d say good luck in League 1 but we all know you won’t hang around and you’ll find another badge to kiss. M. O .T
LikeLike
I’ve seen a picture of one Leeds fan waving money at Ross as he walked past – and, to be honest, our former #44 DID look more than a bit interested…
LikeLike
You really are blessed with a wonderful gift, Rob. All your posts are such interesting, entertaining and enlightening reads. I really don’t know how you conjure it up and can’t believe that you do not write books or newspaper articles at the very least. You have a wonderful turn of wit, it is sublime and I know you could write even greater pieces to match or even better ‘The Damned Utd’ or any other great and interesting “Leeds” book that I have read. What twists and turns do we have ahead of us. Is the lunatic going to let himself out of the asylum on May 3rd or will he be cured and help Redders be the manager instead of head coach? Surely he will see and understand what has happened while he has been in the tomb – or is he another false Messiah? Will he not rise again for the second coming? The children of Revie have wandered long enough in the wilderness – 40 years since the great one co-commentated on the European Cup Final. It is long enough. Redders has risen, he has burst his prison and he is The Manager – the manager is not the self-proclaimed Master of Ceremonies our MC the King of Cock or should he be known as the King of Comedy. I was 100% behinds Massimoses throughout his ministry (post Huddersfield annihilation) and only after my moment of epiphany on the road to Damascus when I heard the miracle of the interview on White Leeds (whatever happened to him? Don’t tell me he sleeps with the fishes!) I loved and respected Big Mass and now I see a clown – taking his family away from Leeds and suggesting that he might not return. This would make an amazing play to rival Shakes de Vere. You can do it Rob. Starts with the Revie Plan and John Charles story in parallel – like Clough and Revie in the Damned Utd – and the birth of the baby Leeds. You know the rest, a poignantly funny account. You can do it!
LikeLike
That’s really kind of you, mate – but I couldn’t possibly produce anything to rival that extended biblical theme you had going there. Wonderful stuff! 🙂
LikeLike
If our form continues its staggering change I think I will need therapy myself Rob! Its years since I’ve experienced such emotions, hope and optimism – either my meds are finally kicking in or I’m having the best dream of my life.
Can you please confirm that this is actually happening to our wonderful football club Rob so that I can come to terms with these feelings.
LikeLike
The results are impressive – not so sure about the form. Silvestri’s pay-cheque should really reflect overtime AND danger money.
LikeLike
“Mr. McContract eventually limping off with a suspected knee injury. Doubtless he’ll have been reflecting that this was not the Fulham he’d fallen in love with at that first, romantic meeting between greedy turncoat striker and pink, pretty, blushing new payslip.”
Sorry Rob, this spoilt the article for me, the way he played in his last season for us deserves respect.
LikeLike
Can’t please everyone. It’s how I feel and that’s what dictates content around these parts 👍
LikeLike
You know what (As Droopy would say)…I Googled Jeremy Langdon after the game to see if he was a Fulham fan, so obvious was his dismay at Leeds winning. Turns out he is a Portsmouth fan, so he just suffers from the normal anti Leeds bias then, nothing new there.
LikeLike
Blatant, wasn’t it??
LikeLike
Just sat back read through and thoroughly enjoyed, up to your usual excellent standards Rob
Don
LikeLike