Spymaster Marcelo Bielsa Offers to Help Out Derby County for a Mere £200,000 – by Rob Atkinson

Leeds Boss Bielsa – ready to help ailing Derby

Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything understands that, despite the acrimonious relationship between Leeds United and Derby County last season, culminating in the infamous “Spygate” storm, United coach Marcelo Bielsa is nevertheless dismayed at the state in which Derby, under new coach Philip Cockup, have found themselves this season. Rivals or not (let’s face it, they’re not), the acknowledged Best Coach in the World is less than happy to see a fellow Championship club shooting themselves in the foot, over and over again. Marcelo being Marcelo – and let’s not forget, we’re talking about a FIFA Fair Play Award winner here – he wishes to help if that’s at all possible.

To that end, Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything understands that Bielsa is willing to brief one of his staff to keep an eye on Derby’s miscreant players and make sure that they’re walking the straight and narrow from now on. Already this season, Derby players Tom Lawrence and Mason Bennett have been charged with drink driving offences, while the club’s

Richard Keogh – simian and out for the season

simian defender Richard Keogh is now out for the season due to a knee injury sustained in an “alcohol related incident” understood to be not entirely unrelated to the drink-drive scandal. Mason Bennett’s embarrassment is sufficiently acute that he has deleted a tweet in which he attempted to mock Bielsa’s FIFA award. It’s no exaggeration to say that Direby’s season, despite their comically blagged point at Elland Road, is turning into a disaster.

In order to help, Bielsa is willing to loan County the services of a member of his staff “well versed in surveillance techniques”, in order to help Mr. Cockup keep tabs on his recalcitrant playing staff. Bielsa has assured his opposite number that the experienced Leeds man’s approach would be “subtle, discreet and almost undetectable”. Naturally, Leeds United will expect to receive a fee from Derby for this service, and it is understood that a figure in the region of £200,000 has been mentioned.

Mr. Cockup is understood to be delighted at the prospect of assistance from such a well-respected source, and he is now confident that he’ll be able to keep the remainder of his squad out of custody for most of the rest of the season.

21 responses to “Spymaster Marcelo Bielsa Offers to Help Out Derby County for a Mere £200,000 – by Rob Atkinson

  1. Kevin Painter

    Love it


  2. So funny Rob, Yes people at DOORBY living in glass houses, should learn not to throw stones. I do hope that Rooney fits in well, with their alcoholic playing squad. I wonder if their shirt sponsors will pull out of paying the has been Rooney’s wages? Anyone up for a pint?


  3. Lampard’s legacy.
    I can’t stop smiling Rob!
    They are not laughing now!!!


  4. ‘Fair comment, Rob! ( – ;


  5. Great article Rob as usual.


  6. Reality Cheque

    Brilliant post Rob. Has your lifelong Direby fan mate of yours responded yet or has he switched off his mobile & computer and hid behind his settee out of sheer embarrassment?


  7. Life is LUFC

    😂 😂 😂 😂


  8. Yorkshire Lad

    Rooney thought he’d be going to a PL contender but could soon find himself in L1 as the most expensive player/coach in L1 history. Anyway US soccer to L1 is probably a step up. 😂


  9. neil macdonald

    The reason for the crash being mooted by Direby is that a Leeds United staffer, wearing a camouflage outfit & carrying wire cutters, stepped out into the middle of the road at an inopportune moment, startling the drivers.

    This ‘Spygate Sam’ chap is also believe to have slipped roofies into the players milkshakes, causing their disorientation. At the same time, he allegedly slipped them some laxatives, which made them drive so quickly in their distressed state.

    Upshot is that the EFL have carried out an extensive 5 minute investigation & deducted Leeds 30 points, and donated them to Direby as compensation.


  10. Mike Durham

    Brilliant Rob!
    I did hear on the grapevine that Keogh’s accident was actually a non-alcoholic one ; apparently it’s the first time he’s seen himself in the mirror without being drunk for years and the poor sod scared himself shitless.. Reacting the only way he knows how, he let out a toothy growl and tried to take one for the team by attempting to take the bath out with his knee and fell over his wallet!
    Talk about karma eh?


  11. Great stuff. Pretty insulting to simians though. MOT


  12. Johnny Bangkok

    I cannot resist it but their season has literally become a car crash!


  13. They’ve always been dodgy buggers,that baseball ground pitch was so bad that unless visiting teams trained on a cowfield they’d find it impossible to play football. There owners have been shysters too but I shan’t go overboard slagging off that odious Robert Maxwell. How this current lot are getting away with their ffp dodging shenanigans is beyond me but if it was Leeds of course that would be different wouldn’t it? Got to admit though,theres a certain amount of schadenfreude surrounding keogh’s plight,if he hasn’t actually been in a car crash I bet his face has caused a few.


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