Huddersfield Town AFC to Close Down Next May?   –   by Rob Atkinson


Huddersfield dogs

A solemn meeting of Town fans, yesterday

In a sensational development for Yorkshire football, a Huddersfield Town insider has claimed that the 2016/17 season could be the last for Huddersfield Town as a Football Club – a status which many consider moot anyway – but nevertheless, rumours of the cessation of trading for the Terriers are shocking, to say the least – especially with the fan base having decided as early as August that Town were going up as champions.

The reasoning behind the closure rumours will go deep into the heart of many a Terriers fan. Our contact behind the scenes at Huddersfield, Mr. Terry Orr, confided to us, “For a long time now, the main priority at this club has been to finish a league season above Leeds United. This hasn’t happened for many a long year – not since the 1961-62 season, I believe. In essence, this dream has become the club’s entire raison d’être, not to mention its whole reason for existing”. Terry paused at this point as emotion appeared momentarily to get the better of him. “The fact of the matter is”, he continued, moist-eyed but smiling bravely, “that this season could be the one when we finally do it. And if we do – well, how could we possibly top that? We’ve had meetings, and we don’t think it’s really feasible. There’d quite literally be no point in going on, nothing left that we could realistically achieve. We’d just have to move on to other projects, especially with us promotion prospects already on t’way down t’bog.”

It’s a sentiment echoed in other parts of Yorkshire’s most dogged club. Supporters’ representative Mr. Gray Hound nodded wearily when we put to him what seems on the face of it an outrageous possibility. “Yes”, Gray nodded, thoughtfully, “I’ve heard whispers of this closure thing. I can understand it. From a supporters’ point of view, if we ever did finish above “them”, it’d be like the Holy Grail, Christmas and Crufts all rolled into one. I can’t really think there’d be much appetite for carrying on after an achievement like that. I mean – where do you go from there? Personally, I can barely bring myself to believe it might happen but, looking at the table, you have to say there’s some sort of a chance. And if we really did do it? I don’t know. We’d probably all retire to a nice big field and chase sticks and sniff each others’ bottoms. It’d be like following Huddersfield Giants in a way…  Then again, with us getting hammered 5-0 at Fulham and with you-know-who winning today as well, it still might never come to pass. In’t life grand?”

Leeds United refused to comment beyond a terse assertion that such a circumstance is unlikely to come about. An anonymous source stated “Is not going to ‘appen, my friend. An’ if it did – wellll, per’aps a few of us not aroun’ to see it”. 

Huddersfield Town‘s inferiority complex is 55.

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16 responses to “Huddersfield Town AFC to Close Down Next May?   –   by Rob Atkinson

  1. Yorkiesknob

    I see no official comment coming from their Chairman Jack Russell

    Like

  2. oldcomrade

    They won’t be missed they were shitzu anyway.

    Like

  3. White knight

    They all a bunch if cockers anyway !

    Like

  4. ‘Love it! Rob, you’ve made my day.

    Like

  5. Look like your article might be a bit premature.

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  6. peacock273

    Good to see the sparkling wit is back.

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  7. Philip of Spain.

    Give it a rest Rob.You seem to put all your energy in to taking the piss out of other Yorkshire teams.Why?To be fair Rob we havn,t set the world on fire for so years now.This being Leeds and with the Italian Grim Reaper hovering in his warren, I would concentrate more on our situation here at present.

    Like

    • Don’t be such a killjoy – some people like this sort of stuff and anyway, I published a more serious piece on the same day precisely because I knew I’d get the moaners otherwise. If you don’t like an article, you’re perfectly at liberty to press the “next” bubble. I notice you didn’t comment on the Garry Monk article that preceded this one, and you’re usually an enlightened contributor – so why not say something about a piece that does address our situation here at present?

      I really can’t do with being told what not to write. This is a one man ship, and I’m the Skipper.

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  8. A nice little mickey take of our neighbours. (Can’t call them “rivals”)
    Let’s hope that you’re not tempting fate though, and the article doesn’t come back and bite you on the backside. As a Jack Russell owner I assure you that a terrier’s bite is painful!!
    Personally, I wouldn’t risk a single penny on betting they finish above us – especially after yesterday. Can we already hear faint cries in the distance of “Wagner out” ?

    Like

  9. mark prince

    im a town fan,that brilliant,and good luck with your loopy chairman

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  10. Dave Smith

    Seen this before are you recycling articles or plagurising them ?

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  11. Many of their supporters won’t want to go up, if Leeds don’t go up with them, because playing Leeds is the highlight of their century and so is watching and criticising every move that Leeds make, for 365 days of their year.

    Like

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