Leeds United Planning to Perform All Blacks Haka at Home Games – by Rob Atkinson

Away strip

United’s Chris Wood – ready for battle

Today’s announcement by Leeds United of their new all-black away kit represents a departure from the gaudiness of the recent past and the return of the Elland Road club to their traditional black and white, all-or-nothing approach of more successful days long past. This new monochrome mentality will be backed up by the introduction, before each home match, of the traditional Maori war-dance, or “Haka”, as historically performed by the fearsome All Blacks international rugby union sides. Rumours that this has been written into United’s New Zealand international Chris Wood‘s contract, as compensation for not securing a £20 million move to Swansea City, have neither been confirmed nor denied.

It appears that there are mixed feeling among the United squad about the move to perform the Haka; some feel that they have enough on their plates mastering pattern of play niceties like blindside runs and a co-ordinated move out of defence, without having to learn a complicated war dance too. One individual though, who would rather not be named for fear of provoking a reaction among certain former team-mates at Ashton Gate, seemed eager to get into the whole ritual ‘eve of battle’ thing. “I can’t wait”, he remarked, licking his lips hungrily. “It’ll help get me in the mood to get some blood on me boots”. Elsewhere in the defensive ranks, an un-named Swedish international is rumoured to be practising the eye-rolling and snarling already, even though he will start the campaign under suspension due to various indiscretions during last term’s hostilities.

The generosity of Leeds United in paying tribute to former Championship rivals should also not be underestimated. Newcastle United, of course, are famous for playing in black and white, and also for not having won anything since the days of monochrome TV. There is a nod in the direction of Huddersfield Town, too, whose own glory days reside in the flickering, sepia days of Pathé Newsreels, the General Strike and the Jarrow march.

It may well be that the message being sent out by Leeds is a powerful warning to the effect that all this fancy dan bright and vibrant colours nonsense is to become a thing of the past down Elland Road way. Teams visiting LS11, especially in the depths of winter, will have nothing to look forward to but bleak weather, a hostile, oppressive atmosphere and cold naked steel in the hearts of the eleven assassins clad all in white. And the threat of the all-blacks on our travels will be, if anything, even more sinister.

White at home, black away, the green of the pitch, the grey of the sky – if we can just avoid too many red and yellow cards, we could be looking at some serious silverware come next May. Ka mate! ka mate! Ka ora, ka ora!  Bring it on.


21 responses to “Leeds United Planning to Perform All Blacks Haka at Home Games – by Rob Atkinson

  1. More truth in this than articles about the 5 million pound pursuit of Helander.


  2. Well done Rob! Just the thing to brighten up a dull, rainy and windswept Welsh day!


  3. Getting on to serious matters, l am very impressed with our new owner, and the hierarchy he has created at the club. The incoming players bode well for a sparkling future, not just for the coming season, though that looks optimistic, but for the next 5 years. The young players recruited into the youth and under 23 squads are most impressive and all on long term contracts. Small fees for precocious talent with the huge potential to develop into superstars, added to our existing acadamy. For many years we had no scouts, thankfully this is a thing of the past, especially in Spain. For all of this to occur within weeks is amazing, and exciting. We are a proper club again. I am looking forward to getting back challenging the best.


  4. NickB(50yrsLU)

    It’ll force the officials to go colour-creative. If I were to say I find all that gold tacky, I’d be a hypocrite, because I drive a Scooby with gold wheels ! But I drive it for the performance, not the appearance – my reason for supporting LU in ’67. Call me old-fashioned, but this Lycra stuff looks like expensive clingfilm, or cycling/swimming gear, and surely can’t be pleasant when you’re running around for 90 mins.. In my youth, I loved the wind in my shirt, up and down the left wing. I just hanker after the kit Bremner’s wearing below, which was all around my bedroom walls, in the days before large colour photos in footie magazines, and sponsorship logos cluttering an Omo-white kit. Cooper was my favourite; the current one is a disgrace to the name and the Club, and I wish he were wearing black with white ! Let’s hope two of the expected three keep him on the bench. But how exciting this summer has been; too many years of no news for weeks on end, seeing targets end up with rivals, and prize assets cashed in after a bunch of nobodies has arrived. I’m just hoping Christiansen lives up to the expectation, and is able not only to cut it but to excel in this league. His demeanour strikes me as apologetic; I hope he can do assertive, and proves more tactically versatile than the vacant Monk. The Rad’s got everything else right, so I should trust this isn’t
    Hockaday Mk. II, but Glorydays mach 2.


  5. I don’t think this is true at all. Did the author really get quotes from the squad? I very much doubt it.


  6. Karl Major

    Gerry’s right about the weather, but I’m chuckling into my tea tonight Rob, you’ve brightened up this miserable day.. Now I want us to sign a brilliant CB just to make it a great weekend.


  7. I can hear the home fans now when we visit rob – who’s the bastards in the black.. ha


  8. Its bloody awful,what a shame we couldn’t have gone with blue and yellow again. A 1950s retro type shirt as worn by king John would have been ideal. And the design? Skin tight shirts may be fine for finely toned athletes but the designers at Kappa don’t have to stand in the Scabby Tap on an August Saturday looking at all the beer bellies bursting out like spacehoppers in a net curtain.


  9. What are the odds of Chris Wood departing after we sign a top class centre forward. Negredo is being mooted. ( the curse of being photo’d in new kit )


  10. Let’s face it modern kits are vile. Sponsors names and logos dwarfing the teams badge, nasty synthetic fabric and all out of date within 12 months. Oh yeah and £50 a go. The admiral kits from 70’s /80′,s were my personal faves. Even for teams I didn’t support. Them were the days!


    • This comment is a hymn in praise of retro kits, I guess. Just got myself a very nice little yellow number, with Evening Post on the front and the old football in a Yorkshire rose badge, with the legend “Football League Champions 1991/92” underneath. All for £30. Knocks your Kappa black OR white into a cocked hat.


    • Loved those Admiral kits,ive still got them and the tracksuit. I was hoping to pass them on to my boy but unfortunately he supports The Toon. My mam bought me the tracksuit from the Chelsea souvenir shop while we were staying at my aunty and uncles who lived just behind Stamford bridge. If I’m not mistaken it was Don Revie who instigated the replica kit lark too,what an innovator. I thought Admiral let themselves down with that last shirt they produced,that red kite kit was cheap and nasty. They’re so cheaply made they’re not even truly white anymore and the mark up must be astronomical considering what they cost to make. I bet the boys and girls on the factory floor don’t get paid a great deal for their labours either.


  11. Karl Major

    As a thank you for all I’d done for him (Well, I am his dad) at his wedding our Daniel presented me with the last champions shirt. I had tears in my eyes remembering those great days when a little 10 year old lad sat with his dad behind the South Stand goals to watch Willko’s warriors beat all and sundry.
    I’m not bothered about new shirts anymore
    MOT forever.


  12. glenn lowe

    another enjoyable read Rob as ever. Well here we go destiny awaits new signings, at the rate we are going there will be a shortage of Spanish waiters soon!!. To every Leeds fan out there I wish you well, enjoy the ride AGAIN!!. Best club in the world and the best fans. MOT


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