Leeds Fans Ask Sky Pundit “Who Are You, and What Have You Done With Don Goodman?” – by Rob Atkinson


Ouch – Don Goodman reacts as that alien probe slides on in there 

Among the many talking points emerging from Leeds United‘s victory at Wigan Athletic on Sunday – ranging from the inspiring sight of eight Whites players chasing a lone Wigan attacker in the manner of a pack of lions running down a terrified wildebeest, to Kemar Roofe openly laughing after he converted a chance presented to him by the bumbling home defence – the one that stands out for many United fans is the apparent kidnapping of Sky pundit Don Goodman and his replacement by a lookey-likey with a deep and abiding love for the Elland Road outfit.

It’s difficult to come up with an alternative explanation for the Leedsophilic nature of the co-commentary from the DW Stadium. Whoever the voice behind the mic belonged to, it certainly wasn’t the Goodman that Leeds fans know and despise. This guy, contrary to the Don Goodman modus operandi, had so much positive to say about the Whites, drooling over the skills of Pablo Hernandez, praising the organisation and desire that typify Bielsaball, generally singing a hymn of praise to our United heroes throughout the game.

The real Don Goodman, as we know from past experience, would have been bemoaning the nature of Leeds’ winner “Life is sometimes so unfair”, to quote his doleful exclamation after a United goal at Huddersfield a few years back. He’d have been vocal in his frustration that Wigan created so little. He’d have shed tears at the ruthless pooping of Wigan chairman Dave Whelan‘s farewell party. He’d have lapsed into a monumentally sulky silence as Liam Cooper & Co clinched the three points, erased Wigan’s unbeaten home record and returned to the Championship summit. All this type of thing we have heard from Goodman’s bitter repertoire on too many previous occasions, but there was none of it on Sunday.

So, the only logical deduction is that poor Don has been kidnapped, possibly by aliens, and replaced pro tem by a Leeds-supporting and highly authentic (looks and voice wise) clone or robot. Clearly, a glitch in the programming meant the tell-tale absence of any bitching about Leeds – and that’s what has given the game away. Rumours that the artificial Goodman is being touted as a replacement for Noel “Get Iiiiiinnnnn” Whelan, due to the former’s audibly greater enthusiasm for the Whites, cannot be confirmed. Whatever the future holds for the clone, who is presumably even now being dissected by evil Sky TV technicians, our thoughts and prayers must be with the original Don Goodman, wherever he may be. If his fate is to be experimented on by eager and avid aliens with anal probes and other invasive nasties in their armoury, then we must hope that the experience is neither too humiliating nor at all painful. Well, not very painful. Or, maybe just a reasonable amount of moderately excruciating pain. You get my drift – there is some payback due here.

No doubt those aliens, or representatives of the Leeds United fan-base, or whoever is responsible for Goodman’s abduction, will be effecting his return to Sky Sports and normal duties before this deception becomes common knowledge. Perhaps he will even have learned a little from his experience and, as he wriggles uncomfortably in his chair, he’ll possibly recall the nature of the probing he’s undergone, and maybe soften his attitude towards United from now on. Anything’s possible, after all.

But if Goodman’s best Leeds-hating days are behind him (fnarr) and he’s therefore of no further use to the Evil Empire, then there are surely plenty of available bitter ex-pros who can’t abide United and are willing to demonstrate this at every opportunity. Tony Gale, a former Hammer who has never forgiven Leeds for that Vinnie Jones-inspired 1-0 win at Upton Park in 1989, and has been blowing bubbles of anti-Leeds vitriol ever since, would be an obvious possibility. It’d make a change, anyway – and to be honest, I’m not quite sure I’d want to sit through another punditry performance like that given by Don’s clone on Sunday. It was rather uncomfortable, a bit like an unpopular and vaguely creepy uncle handing out the toffees and half crown coins to the youngsters at some benighted family gathering; it’s just rather too nightmarish.

The thing is, with Leeds, you know there’ll always be another live Sky game coming up soon. So perhaps we’ll see a different performance from former Wolves player and sworn enemy of the Baggies Don Goodman, when we appear before the cameras (and, occasionally, the crowd noise mics) at West Bromwich Albion this coming weekend.

Watch this space…

15 responses to “Leeds Fans Ask Sky Pundit “Who Are You, and What Have You Done With Don Goodman?” – by Rob Atkinson

  1. I can see why Don Goldman may be conflicted about Leeds: he’s a Leeds lad but, whilst he was playing for Bradford, his girlfriend died in the 1985 fire at Valley Parade, and subsequent actions by Leeds ‘supporters’ – e.g. setting fire to a ‘hotdog’ stand at the Bradford ground – would turn anyone’s loyalties.


    • In which case, surely he’d declare an interest and ask not to work Leeds games – instead of becoming the go-to option and ruining the TV experience for thousands of United fans who have never done Goodman any harm, and for whom this is the best chance of seeing their heroes play.


      • Don Goodman’s conflicts of interest are more easier understood that those of other pundits who merely cowtow to prevailing anti-Leeds prejudices.


      • Possibly so – in which case I say again, he should either act professionally as others do when conflicted – or, if he’s incapable of this, simply withdraw in favour of somebody who can.


    • Stonemonkey

      Andreux, I agree with you mate but would just like to clear up a popular misconception regarding that hot dog van at Odsal Stadium. It wasn’t purposefully set alight by fans, idiots, of which there were many that day, were banging on the back of it and rocking it and this resulted in the fat catching fire 🔥 the rest we all know about. I was actually apologising to the van owner about the cretins rocking it when he had to jump out. A shocking day and a day that I remember well for all the wrong reasons. MOT


  2. The white shirt

    Where’s the 54 games since a penalty (and counting) ticker gone from the screen?
    Liked that, just as a reminder to the EFL.


  3. Rob, whilst you’re having a go at anti-Leeds TV pundits, please take down that arrogant twat on ‘Quest EFL’, Colin Murray, who dismisses Leeds at any opportunity – if any media figure represents a typical ‘Manure’ fan he is it!


    • Is that the Irish guy who fancies himself as something of a wit? To be honest, I’ve not seen much of that programme so far, but I appreciate the heads up and I’ll check it out on Saturday 👍


    • I believe he is a Liverpool fan Andreux but I take your point. I don’t mind our present achievement getting last year’s squad to the summit of the table going a little under the raidar


  4. Life is LUFC

    When I am watching Leeds on Sky I mute the commentary and have LUTV audio in place of it. With Mike and Eddie you get a very fair commentary about both teams and what’s more you can hear the crowd.
    I just get fed up of listening to commentators knocking Leeds for no other reason than it is Leeds.
    I think Sky ought dampen the commentators and leave the crowd sound up full at least us lot at home will get to hear a fair assessment of the game that way.


    • Is there a sound synch problem with that? If not, it’s something I’d like to try 👍


      • Life is LUFC

        usually LUTV in front sometimes behind…….but given the dross commentators I live with it OK.
        It’s never been a big time difference between the two. If LUTV is in front it saves a few finger nails or covering of the eyes.


  5. The EFL on Quest is pretty lousy..Holloway is the pundit (he tends to repeat whatever Murray just said)and was mega sanctimonious re the Roofe hand ball business the other week. Another Leeds hater I’ve always thought is Danny Mills.
    I remember a few years ago when we played Forest at home he was banging on throughout the game how Leeds were sh*te and Forest were ace etc. Leeds spanked the twigs 4-1 ! Go figure. Oh yeah another thing ,as far I’m concerned the ‘big six’ can sod off and play Barca every week and let the rest of us get on with watching an actual ‘competition’ They’ll soon come crawling back. Sorry, a lot to get off me chest today.MOT.


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