From: International Arms Inc.
To: America, Washington DC, America
We were concerned to hear of the recent downgrading of your credit status. We would remind you that your outstanding unpaid account with us currently stands at $3.86 trillion and 46 cents. As most of the goods and services purchased with your credit facility are of a non-redeemable, and indeed fissionable nature, we feel that our position regarding the extent of your credit has become untenable, and we therefore require you to redress the situation forthwith.
Please settle this account within 7 working days. Failure to do so may result in a personal call at your home, and the removal of goods, statuary and minor geographical features. We feel that you would prefer for this situation to be avoided, particularly under the gaze of your neighbours Canada and Mexico (to say nothing of Cuba). You may also of course find it harder to obtain credit in the future.
Please do not ignore this letter. You can discuss your situation with our trained and friendly advisers, who will be happy to assist in any way they can, short of showing any compassion, understanding or reasonableness regarding concessions or longer term arrangements etc.
Payment can be made at your local Post Office using the counterfoil at the foot of this letter, or by remittance in the enclosed envelope. Please do not forget to affix a stamp.
Many thanks for your co-operation in this matter.