There was yet another bizarre turn of events at Elland Road yesterday, as “one chip short of a butty” owner Massimo Cellino confirmed that he is on the verge of replacing the Leeds United head groundsman. In a prepared tantrum, Mr. Cellino gave a bravura five minute rant to assembled pressmen, criticising the way the stadium was being managed.
The groundsman in question was maintaining a dignified silence yesterday, but stands accused of:
- Using purple gardening gloves
- Refusing to plant corn at the Kop goalmouth
- Deliberately taking 17 minute tea breaks
- Failing to salute a Cellino family member
- Making Redders a cup of tea without leave
It is rumoured that Cellino has a new groundsman lined up, late of a legendary but unnamed Serie C club and a man with a formidable range of experience in the continental style of digging up a pitch.
Further developments are expected next week, or at the next full moon, whichever is the sooner.
Massimo Cellino is stark, staring mad.