Leeds United Transfer Window Compared by Frustrated Fans to Tantric Sex – by Rob Atkinson


Sexy, or what?

Tantric sex is an ancient Hindu practice that has been going for over 5,000 years, much as this Leeds United transfer window seems to have done – and it means ‘the weaving and expansion of energy’.

It’s a slow form of sex that’s said to increase intimacy and create a mind-body connection that “can lead to powerful orgasms”, if you’ll pardon my frankness.

Tantric sex – or Tantra as it’s often known – can be done by anyone interested in rebooting their sex life and finding new depth to their love-making.

If that sounds confusing, think of it this way – if quickie sex is the sexual equivalent of a takeaway, tantric sex is a Michelin-starred meal, slowly and lovingly prepared and all the more delicious thanks to the wait. The parallels with Leeds United’s transfer policy are absolutely inescapable.

So all the Leeds fans out there in social media land, who are showing signs of frustration redolent of a sex-starved teenager – and I’m thinking particularly of the LUFC Twatteratti here – maybe it’s time to chill out and just enjoy the ride, so to speak.

For all that it’s undeniably true to point out how little has actually happened so far, perhaps the anticipation will turn out to be a big part of the fun – and maybe when it, ahem, “all comes right in the end”, the feeling of satisfaction will be so much the greater. That’s the lesson of Tantra.

So, worry not, chill out – and look forward to the pleasures in store for us all. After all, Leeds United wouldn’t lead us all on, teasing and tantalising us for so long, just to leave us anticlimactically disappointed…. now would they? And in the meantime, we do have some possible World Cup ecstasy to look forward to.

Watch this space.

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16 responses to “Leeds United Transfer Window Compared by Frustrated Fans to Tantric Sex – by Rob Atkinson

  1. Come on, Rob! Whose fancy do you think you are ticking? ( – ;

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  2. Well I am sure Victor is using the tantric approach, but he keeps trying to pull the condom over his head, and when he suceeds he passes out.
    When he recovers, another player has slipped his grasp.
    Twas ever thus Rob!

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  3. Life is LUFC

    I think I will stick to the headaches 🙂
    After reading that lot I can feel one in the making….headache that is.

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  4. TIM CAMPBELL

    0 dear Gawd …..brings me back a year or two when old Captain Birdseye described his ownership of Leeds United as the following..’In an age of instant gratification, Leeds United is having a long, drawn-out affair with plenty of foreplay and slow arousal,” You couldn’t make it up, you really couldn’t!!! lol

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  5. By Gum, I hope you are right Rob. At my age this could well be the only ultimate climax I am ever likley to experience again. Ha Ha
    MOT

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  6. “ooh er missus”. Perhaps we should sign that Brazilian midfielder from Santos “Innuendo” famous for his post free kick catchphrase “Is it in yet?”. The very mention of tantric sex reminds me of that story about Sting and his wife doing it ,what a horror show that must be. Have you ever wondered if it takes so long to do how come the population of India is over one billion? It’s one of life’s great mysteries like how Ashley young and Jessie lingarde play for England or how Jordan Henderson is deemed better than Shelvey? Carry On Leeds.

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  7. Fair analogy Rob. Just hope we’re not left to metaphorically finish ourselves off🤪

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  8. There are other ways to release pent up frustration just ask our friends from over the Pennines (arf).
    Anyhow I don’t see many other teams splurging a load yet (cough). With the WC in full swing(ers) clubs are keeping a tight hold of their wads (splutter). That’s it I blame Viz comic .This innuendo stuff is too addictive. The players will come (argh!) soon enough and the season will climax (nudge nudge) with inevitable promotion. MOT

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  9. Life is LUFC

    I wish they would hurry up and do something…..this headache is getting on my nerves now 😦

    Like

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