They used to say that the only two things you can rely on in life are death and taxes. Those were more innocent times though, and the list has perhaps grown a little since – you can add Tory lies and elite greed, for instance, to life’s acknowledged certainties. And one more that I will advance with no fear of contradiction is the comical and deluded sense of entitlement exhibited by just about any and every fan of Manchester’s second club – the one that used to be half-decent when they had a manager everybody was scared of. Despite the fact that Fergie is long gone, with the current incumbent of the manager’s office best known for his failure at Cardiff City, these innocents – encouraged, it must be said, by a complaisant media – still believe they follow the biggest and best club in the world, and they do not hesitate to allow this delusion to lead them into flights of fantasy that are guaranteed to make proper football fans dissolve into helpless fits of laughter.
They’ve been at it again today, all over Twitter in the wake of Kalvin Phillips’ midfield masterclass throughout England’s victory over Croatia in their opening game of Euro 2020. Phillips was at his imperious best, supporting Declan Rice in the protection of England’s defence, but also surging forward to add bite and purpose to the Three Lions’ attacking endeavours. In the first half, Kalvin was the only player to complete every attempted pass, and he also had England’s only shot on target. And in the second period, the Yorkshire Pirlo provided the assist for the game’s only goal, with a deliciously weighted through ball for Raheem Sterling to score.
All of this was far too much for the supporters of the club I still – despite the rival claims of Chelsea, Spurs, Galatasaray and Bayern – despise the most. I hate them, not for any geographical rivalry, nor even from any misplaced envy. I detest them because they’re inherently detestable, and their legions of armchair supporters around the globe, frantically tapping away at keyboards in their eagerness to perpetuate their most fondly-held delusions, continually demonstrate the truth of this. Within an hour of Kalvin Phillips’ triumphant Wembley display, these tragic devotees of football’s funniest club were reminding us all of just why, despite all they’ve won over the years since Sky bought the game for them, they are routinely mocked and laughed at. “Sign Phillips!”, they were tweeting in their hundreds and thousands. And, the thing is, they truly believe that all they have to do is wish a thing, and Lo, it shall come to be. It seems to have passed them by that the game’s moved on, and that they’re no longer the Fergie-fuelled power of years gone by. They sit in their Devon armchairs and weave their fantasies, certain in their long-outdated belief that the club they worship from afar can still have anything they want.
Money talks, of course, and Leeds United – in the past – have too often listened to its siren song. But ask yourself – would you willingly swap the tutelage of Marcelo Bielsa for the year or two before the Glazers sack Solskjaer? I doubt that Kalvin, a lad with his feet firmly on the ground, would commit such an act of folly, even if Leeds were tempted to countenance what would be a disastrous PR decision. Phillips will be only too well aware of exactly who has realised his potential and guided him towards his current state of midfield mastery. I feel that there’s a fair way to go yet on that journey, and any club with realistic ambitions of recruiting the Yorkshire Pirlo will have to have deep, deep pockets.
Meanwhile, let’s all give thanks for those hilariously deluded Pride of Devon Twitteratti – it’d be a duller game without ’em. And now that Leeds United are seemingly embracing a new reality of competence and ambition – well, we need something to laugh at – don’t we?
Marching On Together
Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything 
Well said Rob!!
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Mate, from the south coast we smile ruefully at the belief that LUFC are 1) here to stay, and 2) going to shake the tree.
I have followed Brighton since 1965 and seen us get promoted to the old Div1, FA Cup Final with those ManU twats, survived bankruptcy including having one of the best grounds sold out from beneath our feet, last day survival of being kicked out of the football league in 1999. And hey, a Chairman now, the grandson of one of those directors of 1965, a pro poker player whose blood runs blue and white is now bankrolling this amazing club (who were champions of England in 1910) and YOU talk of entitlement? F***ing unbelievable.
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Not the clearest comment I’ve ever read, to be honest.
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There is a general consensus that Leeds supporters would appear to believe they have some birthright to be in the top flight. Maybe a bit like those clubs who wanted to create a super league. My point being is that you nor any other club has a sancrosanct right to be in the top tier.
I would choose shorter words for you, Rob, but that would not be succinct. You have been back in the top year just one year. You earned it. Now earn the right to stay in it!
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The top year? Don’t know about shorter words, you seem to struggle for coherence even with those of one syllable 🤣
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Sad Bastards must be the result of lockdown.
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As if Kalvin would even consider playing for them! He’s made out of the same granite that Billy was and as long as we’re being ambitious and looking to improve year-on-year, he wouldn’t even contemplate moving! Yes, that’s very firm inside knowledge Rob.
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Music to my ears 🎶
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Is it any wonder Rob that Manure fans think they have a God given right to expect only the very best from the football gods when you consider that more than 8 weeks have elapsed since the very same Manure fans ran riot outside & inside Old Trafford, injuring police officers & stewards, discharging flares on the crowded perimeter of Old Trafford, breached the grounds security & made a mockery of every Covid protocol in existence, intimidated the Liverpool players & staff in their hotel to such a degree that a Premier League game had to be actually postponed in front of the world’s media & yet Manure have not been charged or even threatened with punishment. Could you just imagine which league, if any, Leeds would be playing in next season if our fans had behaved so violently? Do you also think that Sky Sports aka MUTV would have kept such a low profile rather than mentioning it on a hourly News Headlines loop as they did with Spygate Rob?
Rant over Rob, am so proud to be a Leeds fan tonight thanks to our Amazing Yorkshire Pirlo
MOT ALAW
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Well said, a great point well made. They have no sense of irony and little to no self awareness, their outlook is utterly self centred and deluded. Freud would have a field day with their obsession with their “we’re the biggest/greatest” delusion, which causes such mirth in Barcelona, Madrid, Milan, Munich – and even the other side of Manchester. Meanwhile, the media you mention enable and reinforce their fevered delusions. What else is there to do but laugh? 🤣🤣🤣
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i’ve got one of them wankers living above me. the dillusional fool said to me last summer, we’re going to have to sign kane. i said to him you’ve got no chance. there is only two english clubs big enough to sign him, man city and liverpool,and i don’t think spurs would sell him to them either. he’s only going one place, and that’s abroad. now they are banging on about phillips again. and they won’t shut up about raphina. who do these has beens think they are!
WE ARE LEEDS AND WE DON’T NEED TO SELL, especially to you dreamers!
p.s can you get your own scouts, instead of following victor around!
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A cogent analysis 😁 MOT
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Kalvin doesn’t like rats. So that rules out any waffle of him moving to old toilet.
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Just responding to Hamish here Rob, on your behalf if you’ll indulge me. Most young Leeds fans, and those latterly to the fold, such as my daughter, do not remember Leeds in the top tier. Even those who do, have come to expect nothing but the worst in (at least) the last 16 years. There is no sense of ‘entitlement’ that Leeds be in the top tier and there was nothing in your article to suggest this. We have had to earn it, and watch our club and team do so, from the very depths of hell. No club ‘deserves’ to be in the top flight – it clearly has to be earned – and those involved in the recent attempt to establish that entitlement have been called out on it. This is what Rob was calling out Hamish, not asserting the right of Leeds United to be in the top tier. Brighton and Leeds and many other clubs have earned their position in the top tier, and this should bring us together in standing up for at least the pretence of open competition. Sky and the other TV rights investors must have learned from the enforced absence of fans from grounds just how important they are to the success of the ‘product’.
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Thank you, that’s along the lines of what I’d have said, had I judged that Hamish was entitled to the courtesy of clarification. But he became petulant and childish, going off message and making silly comments about some Leeds legends, so I decided not to carry on giving him a voice here. Still, I appreciate you saying what probably needed to be said. MOT
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Liverpool fans are as bad. I evensong a few Everton fans tweeting they should sign him. I mean Everton hahaha, that’s a step down from Leeds.
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Kalvin, Leeds born, Leeds academy raised and trained, one club man, so far and we all hope it stays that way.
Granny Val would haunt him for the rest of his days if he went ovva t’other side.
Let them have their one moment of dreams Rob, that’s all they do get now-a-days. If they opened their eyes more often they would realise it was a nightmare.
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Judging by certain correspondence I’ve received from darkest Devon, it would seem that some of the armchair dwellers resent the tenor of my article. Ah, well.
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the 16 years of ‘cherry picking’ from promoted small/tiny clubs you all know the names, the Brighton’s/Palaces/WBA, Norwich, Soton, Watford etc etc etc with those luvvies at sky sports & Talkshite munik radio station salivating as you plunder their player ranks!
now a real juggernaut has awoken & gonna upset your little cartel of soooper clubs (my arse! we were bigger than most when in league one FFS!)
thank you Kenny Dalglish for Radz etc
that man knew a real ‘super’ club in LUFC….. always been a jealousy thing!
as my postie said to me “I’m a united fan”…I interrupted his prawn sandwich flavoured tonsils & said which United is that?
West Ham ,Colchester ,Newcastle etc etc????
oh ooh er!?
the Twat!
the epitome of Devon’s finest noxious toadery!!!
glad your ‘mended’ rob & flashing your white sabre once again!
sooooooooooper…………….. LUFC!
MOT
Andy Hinks
Kent White since 69
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Cheers Andy, lyrical as ever 😎 MOT
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Oh boy, if was not for the name I would swear you were my brother.
That is word for word he has said for years even down to the united thing.
I enjoyed that one.
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Lovely – great minds think alike!! MOT 💙💛💙
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