Tag Archives: Arsenal

Arsenal Cup Victory Will Be So Good for the Game & For This Leeds Fan – by Rob Atkinson

Posted on 13/03/2014 | 23 comments

Arsenal beat no-hopers Newton Heath to win 1979 FA Cup

Last weekend’s cup-ties almost certainly sealed the end of the Arsenal trophy drought, which has gone on far too long for a club that represents all that is best about English football. And it’s undeniable, in this blog’s opinion, that some tangible Gooners success would be A Good Thing. Good for the game, and good for me.

Now I should perhaps explain this attraction that Arsenal have for me. I’m a dyed-in-the-wool Leeds United fan, but I feel no guilt about this. Why? Well, like anybody in a long-term, committed relationship, I occasionally feel the need for a bit of a change, a break from an otherwise humdrum routine. And just as many married men – and women, come to that – will argue that it’s OK to look as long as you don’t touch, I feel it’s occasionally alright to let my hungry eye wander a little. So while my heart belongs to Leeds, I’ve long had a passing fancy for The Arse and I feel that this in no way compromises my fidelity where the Whites are concerned. After all, it’s not like I’m buying a season ticket or anything.

Arsenal is a club that commands respect, they have done for decades – but it’s been so much more the case in the Arsène Wenger era. In this period, they’ve played football of surpassing beauty – and of course they’ve won just about every honour in the book too, giving the football world a welcome break, on a few occasions, from the grinding monotony of Ferguson’s charmless winning machine at the Theatre of Hollow Myths. The trophy cupboard has been bare for a good few seasons now, but the quality of the football has remained consistently wonderful, a treat for the most jaundiced eye.

Now that the most significant obstacles have been removed from their path to FA Cup glory, I fully expect them to go on and capitalise, bringing home a legendary piece of silverware to the Emirates Stadium. A Wembley date with Wigan should not unduly worry a team with Arsenal’s class, despite the fact that the Pies saw off Manchester’s finest in the last round. And then it will be either Hull or Sheffield United in the Final – again, neither of those sides would be likely to present a problem. I have my fingers crossed here that I’m not jinxing the whole thing – not just for the Gooners fans’ sake, but also because I have a financial and family interest in Arsenal finally ending that annoying trophy-less run.

Firstly – in the wake of Man City’s exit, I was on Facebook proclaiming Arsenal’s forthcoming Cup triumph – and a friend saw fit to bet me they wouldn’t win it. A gift, I thought, and I suggested a friendly tenner as an appropriate wager. Really, it should just be a matter of picking up the dosh – but the rub is that, if Arsenal now lose in the semi or the Final, I shall now feel more than my usual pang of regret. Losing a tenner is no small matter for even the least parsimonious of Yorkshiremen, and my last football bet ended with me a fiver down, something I’ve yet to recover from. So clearly there’s at least ten good reasons for me to keep everything crossed.

Secondly, my daughter’s Significant Other is an Arsenal fan – so I’d like to see them win something just for him. Apparently, he flirted with being a scum fan as a young kid – and while I have magnanimously forgiven him such a childish faux pas, I certainly don’t want him going back down THAT route – so a Cup win to keep him honest would be just the thing. My late father-in-law, Michael, was also a Gunners aficionado, bless him – he was able to remember Herbert Chapman’s fantastic team of the thirties, Ted Drake, Alex James, Cliff Bastin and all. I’ll raise a glass to him, if The Arse can lift silverware at Wembley in May.

Some Whites will find all of this eulogising of another team a little distasteful, and I can understand that. But it can be taken on trust that Leeds United are my one true love, unlovable though they mostly are, and that there’s really no other thing in the world outside of my family that can move me to such depths of despair, or even raise me to such heights of jubilation (if I recall correctly). Arsenal – well. they’re not really even the bit on the side. I’m too faithful for that – it’s just that I’m a student of the game and its exposition à la the Gunners seems to me to be the finest thing you’ll see in these islands. When they’re on song, there’s not too many better sights in the whole football world. My connoisseur’s eye can appreciate this, but my Yorkshire heart still beats for Leeds United – and my blood runs yellow, white and blue.

The only time I went to Highbury, it was to see Leeds win there by three goals to one in a daft game that saw Phil Masinga score twice as George Graham’s managership of his beloved Gunners was coming to a tragically shady end. I was overjoyed – when Leeds play Arsenal, my loyalties are firmly with the Whites. That goes without saying. Even when victories over the Gunners have seen another undeserved title go to the Pride of Devon, I’ve been able to take great satisfaction in United beating my Capital favourites. So, you see, I’m still the genuine article as far as Leeds fans go. It’s just that I have this need to appreciate class and beauty – and Arsenal’s football is beautiful, their history glitters with class.

Forgive me then for taking pleasure in Arsenal’s success – when it’s not at the expense of my beloved Leeds. A handy by-product is that this regard for The Arse also helps me to dislike Tottenham Hotspur, although I’m sure that’s quite an easy thing to do really. As I write, the hapless Spuds have just lost 1-3 at home to Benfica, which I enjoyed a lot. So it’s been a good night off from Leeds United’s ongoing trauma, what with writing optimistically about Arsenal – and watching their so-called rivals lose. Tomorrow it’ll be back to the current purgatory of trying to find some glimmer of light in the Whites’ murky situation. But still – that’s where my heart is.

At least, in May, I’ll have the distinct pleasure of seeing London’s finest lift the FA Cup, as well as the equal joy of taking a tenner off my good friend Muddy. At least, I hope so. Surely, I haven’t given the kiss of death to the Gooners’ trophy prospects? And for God’s sake – I have to win a bet one day.

23 Comments

Posted in Football, Leeds United

Tagged Arsène Wenger, Arsenal, FA Cup, Herbert Chapman, Leeds United, London's Finest, Tottenham Hotspur

Ex-Man U Boss Fergie Still Paranoid Over League Kings Liverpool – by Rob Atkinson

Posted on 25/01/2014 | 24 comments

S’ralex – the lunatic fringe view from the stands.

Alex Ferguson has been mercifully quiet since his retirement, contenting himself in the main with a seat in the stands from which to glare down balefully at the struggles of his hapless and helpless successor, David “Gollum” Moyes. It’s been a quieter and more peaceful – even saner – game without the rantings of the whisky-nosed old curmudgeon. Although Moyes’ plight has been pitiful to behold, at least some light has been shed on what was behind the success of virtually the same team last season, which looks so spectacularly inept this time around. It’s been Fergie all the time it seems; terrifying opponents, refs and FA officials alike into granting his team every advantage they could wish for. Now that he’s subsided into a brooding and impotent silence, away from the arena itself, the game seems a fairer and cleaner thing, with everyone a lot happier – fans all over Devon and Cornwall and in Milton Keynes who have Man U sympathies always excepted.

The old tyrant’s broken that silence this weekend though, deigning to pronounce upon the Premier League Title race, for which he sees a wider-than-usual field of maybe as many as six possible contenders. Pushing the margins of credibility, he includes old charges Man U among these contenders, along with the Arsenal, Man City, Chelsea and even Everton and Spurs. Notable by their absence from this select group of “Fergie’s Favourites” is Liverpool FC, a name that the Govan Gob studiously avoided mentioning, wary perhaps of bringing on an attack of apoplexy. Clearly, the purple-nosed Taggart clone still has a problem with a club he vowed to “knock off their perch” when he first slithered south all those years ago. How he failed to do that, despite all those lies, damned lies and statistics, is detailed below.

Let’s face it – Man U fans can crow all they want about 20 titles, but the evidence to confound their plastic claims is there for all to see, like some geological stratum separating the dinosaurs from the mammoths. That schism dividing the game up to ’92, from the showbiz shenanigans of ’93 onwards, stands out like a Tory at a Foodbank, exposing Man U as the wealth-backed, monopolising opportunists that they are. Seven titles in their history before Uncle Rupert bought the game for them. Thirteen in the twenty years after the game went mad for money when, aided by more riches than anyone else, combined with the threat of Fergie to cow refs and officials, the Pride of Devon all but cleaned up in what was no more or less than a game of craps played with the dice heavily loaded in their favour. And it was all done with such bad grace, another indictment of this new and joyless age we’ve been plodding through. No gentle wisdom of the Bob Paisley variety – instead we had the sour bile of Ferguson himself and now seemingly a Fergie-Lite clone in the newly growly and grouchy David Moyes. No loveable old-style hard-man Desperate Dan type like Tommy Smith – we just had the manufactured machismo of Roy Keane, a supposed tough-guy with an assumed snarl and trademark glower, whose typical party trick was to sneak up behind wee Jason McAteer and fell that not-exactly-scary individual with a sly elbow.

The comparisons could go on all day, but the bottom line is that Liverpool at their peak – and it was a hell of a peak – typified all the values of football that some of us remember from a pre-Sky, pre-glitz, pre-greed age when it really was all about a ball. Now, it’s all about money, and contracts, and egos, and snide bitching to the media if you don’t get all your own way – and lo, we have the champions we deserve – but not, it seems, for very much longer – despite the wishful thinking of a silly and deluded old man.

To apply a conversion rate which sums up the way our game has been degraded in the Fergie/Murdoch era – let’s say that each Premier League (or Premiership, or whatever else it’s been marketed as) is worth maybe half – at the very most – of each proper Football League Championship, won on a level playing field in the days when the game still belonged to us and the world was a happier and more carefree place. At that rate, Man U are still a good long distance behind Liverpool, which, on the basis of the history of English football as a whole, is precisely where they belong.

Ferguson might choose to ignore the challenge of a newly-invigorated Liverpool, but then again, football knowledge was never the strong point of the Demented One. For bullying and intimidation, he wouldn’t have had much to learn from Torquemada, but his opinions on the game can safely be set aside in favour of those from saner minds – i.e. just about anyone else. Meanwhile, it should be emphasised once and for all, for the avoidance of doubt and despite the latest nonsense from S’ralex – Liverpool are still very much The Greatest.

24 Comments

Posted in Football

Tagged Alex Ferguson, Arsenal, Champions, Chelsea FC, Liverpool FC, Manchester City, Manchester United FC, Premier League

Video

Clarke……One Nil! Hear the Late, Great David Coleman as Leeds Utd Win the Cup

David Coleman died today, and with him went another piece of our youth for all those of my generation who grew up listening to him describe Cup Finals, historical athletics achievements and so much more, all in that distinctive, much imitated voice – the voice of the seventies, surely.

This video shows highlights of the Centenary FA Cup Final at Wembley on 6th May 1972, a game whose only goal will forever be remembered in terms of Coleman’s memorably laconic description. As the ball winged in from the right, crossed by Mick Jones, Coleman simply intoned: “Clarke ……… one-nil!” There was the implication that a goal followed such a chance for Sniffer as surely as night follows day – and so it most usually did. But this was a special, historic day, the only time to date that Leeds have ever won the FA Cup, and so the commentary has a special resonance, much as Kenneth Wolstenholme‘s did for the World Cup Final of 1966. As Coleman recapped the Clarke goal at Wembley that day, he added that it was “an example of the Leeds one-two”. He usually had the right words for any occasion, and his unique voice always enhanced whatever game he was describing.

A marvellous commentator and a giant of sports coverage over many years, he even saw a new term introduced into the language courtesy of Private Eye magazine. “Colemanballs” was an affectionate reference to his occasional lapse – and it’s as much a tribute to him as anything else that will be said on this sad day of his death at the venerable age of 87.

David Coleman, 1926 – 2013 RIP A sad loss who will be much missed – thanks for the memories.

2 Comments

Posted on 21/12/2013 in Football, Leeds United

Tagged 1972, Allan Clarke, Arsenal, commentary, cup final, David Coleman, FA Cup, icon, Leeds United, Mick Jones, Private Eye, Wembley

Thierry Henry to Fire Leeds United to Promotion? – by Rob Atkinson

Posted on 15/12/2013 | 54 comments

Thierry Henry – short term deal with Leeds?

Twitter didn’t exactly go into meltdown last night but, on the basis of one optimistic tweet from Phil Hay, the respected local journalist with his finger on the pulse of Leeds United, it did start to get decidedly warm. The gist of it was that good things were being heard about the imminent takeover of Leeds United and that good times might just be about to roll. A couple more juicily-tantalising snippets were added into what became a heady mix, with David Haigh tweeting that he couldn’t wait to be at the Barnsley match next weekend as Elland Road would be “rocking”. We heard also that Haigh is over in Austria, a country linked strongly to Red Bull who have in turn been linked strongly with Leeds United.

Now, it would be all too easy to take these morsels of information and add them up to make something totally unrealistic. Then again, the elements do seem to combine of themselves into the oft-talked about “Dare to Dream” scenario. One particularly exotic rumour that arises out of such an optimistic outlook is the possibility that one of Red Bull’s most marketable assets, Thierry Henry, might be on the point of jumping on board at Leeds United to provide the sort of boost that even a pair of Red Bull wings could hardly hope to emulate. Even at the age of 36, the French superstar could inflict massive damage in this league, even if mainly from the bench. Could there be anything in it?

On the face of it – why not? The team is in good shape at the moment; there are a couple of obvious areas where improvement is needed and all Leeds fans will be hoping to see those addressed in January. But with the current doubt over the fitness and commitment of El-Hadji Diouf, there may well be a vacancy in the squad for someone who can do something special, someone who can add a touch of class and elevate the profile of the club at the same time.

The combination of Diouf and Warnock was an unlikely one – but it happened. Let’s not forget either that Dioufy was something of a star with World Cup heroics behind him and a global profile. Thierry Henry is all this, and more – and at this stage of his career, what could be more of a challenge to him than the task of reviving a sleeping giant, a club where he would catch the imagination of the fans and raise the atmosphere that extra notch or two, giving the whole place a lift and the team new impetus? That’s a scenario well known to Leeds fans with long enough memories as the “Gordon Strachan factor”.

This week promises to be very interesting indeed. If those tweets from Hay and Haigh carry what I believe they do in between their lines, then it’s fair to say we might expect some significant news before the Barnsley game. Just how significant that news might be is anyone’s guess – but my guess is that an announcement is distinctly possible of further takeover details making that “Dare to Dream” scenario burst into reality. And what was on David Haigh’s mind when he was talking about “Elland Road rocking” on the pre-Christmas weekend when football crowds are notoriously thinned out by last-minute shopping? It does make you wonder.

Thierry Henry in a Leeds shirt? Bizarre. But how wonderful it would be, what an incredible boost. It seems too good to be true, of course – but if you’re going to dare to dream, then why not be extravagant about it? A legend like Henry in the famous white shirt – that’d be a hell of a good dream as far as I’m concerned, but could it actually happen? You just never know – it possibly could.

54 Comments

Posted in Football, Leeds United

Tagged America, Arsenal, David Haigh, Elland Road, France, Juventus, Leeds United, MLS, New York Red Bulls, Phil Hay, Red Bull, Thierry Henry, transfer window, USA

Happy Birthday to Leeds Utd & Arsenal Legend Lukic – by Rob Atkinson

Posted on 11/12/2013 | 5 comments

Cheer up, John, it’s your birthday!

A slightly belated “Happy Birthday” to newly-53 year old John Lukic, the only goalkeeper to win the League Title with two different clubs and a man who is frequently (and wrongly) cited as a survivor of the Munich Air Disaster whilst still in his mother’s womb.

To clear up that particular urban myth first, the story goes that John’s mum was a passenger on the ill-fated plane that crashed on take-off at Munich Airport, killing several of the legendary Busby Babes. It’s a simple story to dismiss, as the date of the crash was 6th February 1958, almost three years before the birth of our erstwhile custodian. Even if Mrs Lukic had been an elephant, the dates wouldn’t add up – as their gestation period is two years, and they’re not allowed in a passenger compartment anyway.

So John’s earliest possible claim to fame turns out to be so much hot air – but he did manage to create a few notable records in a long and successful career, consisting of two separate spells at both Leeds United and Arsenal. Lukic made his debut for Leeds in 1979 and played on until the age of almost 40, making his last appearance in his second spell at Arsenal on 11 November 2000 against Derby – he kept a clean sheet in a 0-0 draw. This also makes Lukic one of only a very few players to have appeared in the top flight of English football in four consecutive decades. In between 1979 and 2000, he won two league title medals, and also a winner’s gong in the Football League Cup of 1987, when Arsenal beat Liverpool 2-1 (becoming the first side to defeat Liverpool when Ian Rush had scored).

As with any goalkeeper, the odd mistake got a lot more coverage than the consistently good performances over many years – and the mistakes tend to be better remembered, too. So it is that some Leeds fans can’t forget or forgive instances like the “blinded by the floodlights” goal at Ibrox in 1992, when playing for Leeds against Rangers in the European Cup. But Leeds owed Lukic much over the years, for the games he saved and the points he earned. A high point was his performance at Anfield in the latter stages of the 1991-92 season, when a series of fabulous saves preserved a vital point for United on the run-in to the league title. Lukic had, of course, also figured in the last match of the season at Anfield when Arsenal triumphed by the required score of 2-0 to take the Championship Crown by the narrowest possible margin.

John must go down as one of United’s great goalkeepers, if only for the fact that he was the last line of defence in a team of Champions. He had the dubious honour of being replaced at Arsenal by David Seaman, who had been his understudy at Leeds before being almost given away to Peterborough for a paltry £5,000. When Seaman arrived at Arsenal for a seven figure fee, Lukic returned to Leeds for almost as much; rarely can one man have shuttled so often between only two clubs and still had such success.

Happy birthday then, to John Lukic, revered at two great clubs and unlucky to have been around when England were blessed with such quality in the goalkeeping department. Some say he was the best never to play for England, which is an accolade of sorts. Others cruelly dubbed him “Blind John” in the wake of a high-profile error. But he served his clubs and his fans well and is assured of a place in the history of both Arsenal and Leeds United. And that’s not a bad bottom line to any football career.

5 Comments

Posted in Football, Leeds United

Tagged 1960, Arsenal, Champions, John Lukic, League Cup, Leeds United, Munich Air Disaster, Wembley

Arsenal and Cardiff Serve Up a Football Treat With Added Class – by Rob Atkinson

Posted on 01/12/2013 | 10 comments

The definitive “Good Advert for Football”

Yesterday’s clash between Cardiff City and Arsenal at the imaginatively-named Cardiff City Stadium produced much that we might have expected – as well as quite a lot that we didn’t.

First things first, and a fantastic performance by the league leaders resulted in a win that looked, on the face of it, comfortable. Arsenal produced everything we all know they’re capable of: shimmering moves going forward with chance upon chance being created; bewildering interchanges of position which saw the most unlikely people cropping up at centre-forward – how do you mark your men against a team like Arsenal? It was a feast of flowing, creative football, beautiful to watch, virtually impossible to cope with and ultimately very, very effective.

And yet Cardiff, newcomers to the Premier League let’s not forget, more than played their part in a highly entertaining game which was always closer than the scoreline might suggest. Their promising forward Fraizer Campbell got himself on the end of a few quality deliveries, and on another day might easily have had one or two goals himself. But the goal-scoring honours on the day rested squarely with a former Cardiff player, Aaron Ramsey of Arsenal.

Ramsey’s was a performance to drool over, not just for his two expertly-taken goals, not even for the overall quality of his performance within a highly proficient overall Arsenal display. What really caught the eye was Ramsey’s poise, self control and a disarming humility in the way he reacted to his goals. Not a flicker of celebration, just quiet satisfaction and the full measure of respect to the club that gave him his start. You see this sometimes, it’s a bit of a phenomenon over the past few years, and while it’s not universally observed – van Persie’s tasteless degree of triumphalism against Arsenal themselves springs readily to mind – it always gilds the occasion with that extra patina of class; there’s just something fitting about it that reminds you what football should be all about.

Even in this, Cardiff City more than played their part. It’s a shattering, disappointing feeling to see your favourites concede a goal, at the best of times – to see a former favourite score not one, but two – that’s really unpalatable. And yet the Cardiff fans, all of them from what could be seen, responded magnificently to the prodigal Ramsey’s return and successes. When the former Bluebird scored his first goal – a header of stunning quality – his muted response brought the stadium to its feet as the home fans stood and applauded, clearly affected by the respect shown by their departed star. How often do you see that?

As a Leeds fan, I can only remember one comparable occasion at Elland Road, back in the early nineties when Roy Wegerle of QPR scored a wonder goal of such world-class quality that even the notoriously partisan Leeds fans gave it a unanimous ovation. To see the Cardiff fans applaud Ramsey – for his second goal as well, which put the seal on Arsenal’s win – made you feel good about the game again, as if the underlying decency of sporting competition will always, in the end, prevail over the less attractive features we’re sometimes exposed to.

In between Ramsey’s two strikes, we had the spectacle of Mathieu Flamini – brought off the bench nine minutes earlier as a holding midfielder – materialising at centre-forward to sweep the ball into Cardiff’s net from Mesut Ozil’s perceptive through pass. it was another outstanding example of the sheer brilliance Arsenal have in their locker this season. The third goal right at the death came when the outcome of the game was certain, but it was another quality finish, and another immaculate display of respect from the outstanding Aaron Ramsey. He took the applause from all sides of the ground, from his fans new and old, clearly touched by the emotion of the moment.

Arsenal’s prospects look genuinely good, there are really only a couple of question marks over their possibilities for the rest of this campaign. The first concerns how they will fare against the better teams in the Premier League – of these, they have only met a less-than-vintage Man U so far, who scraped a win that will have disappointed the Gunners – knowing themselves to be capable of much better.

The second possible issue is around the back-up they have available in the event of injury or suspension for striker Olivier Giroud. Reserve forward Nicklas Bendtner does not appear to have what it takes at this level, and Arsenal may need to look to the transfer market again when the window opens. Their stunning pre-season swoop for Ozil has cured any notions that the Gunners lack clout and ambition in their recruitment policy – they will probably need to reaffirm this new determination in the new year.

A highly enjoyable game for more than the usual reasons, and great credit to both clubs. On this display, you would have to back Cardiff to survive with something to spare – and as for Arsenal, they should have their sights set firmly on nothing less than the Premier League title itself. What better way to break that trophy drought, a millstone around Arsene Wenger’s neck for far too long now? And also, what better for the game in this country than Champions of the quality and class of Arsenal, still our foremost club despite populist claims for clubs lower down the food-chain. Arsenal for the Title – I’ll drink to that.

10 Comments

Posted in Football, Leeds United

Tagged Arsenal, Cardiff City, celebration, class, Premier League, respect, soccer, UK Football

Is Leeds United Hater Adrian Durham All That? – by Rob Atkinson

Posted on 14/11/2013 | 25 comments

Adrian Durham – what’s he actually for?

His radio “career” in a tailspin of ever-increasing ordinariness, his Meisterwerk book, laddishly titled “Is He All That?” (click here to read the rave reviews) selling like ice cubes at the North Pole, Adrian Durham – self-styled “World’s only celebrity Peterborough United fan” – has lurched unwisely into print again today, in well-known tabloid snotrag the Daily Heil, for whom he contributes a pisspoor weekly column, desperately trying to weave some credibility about his transparently inane ravings. It’s car-crash “journalism”, the kind of reading that can make your eyes bleed and your teeth curl. You wonder if Durham’s middle name might perhaps be “Excruciating” and you speculate as to what, exactly, is going on under that ginger moss covering his skull. “Not a lot” would sum it up. A glance at the interior of poor Adrian’s bonce would doubtless reveal that the wheel is running, but that tragically the hamster is dead.

Today’s effort saw him revisiting his favourite prejudices as he flailed about, hopelessly trying to plug a book that is turning out to be as well received as Custer was at the Little Big Horn. Adrian supports Peterborough United (Peterborough United are thought to be considering an official denial of this) – yet unaccountably, most of the targets for any venting of his bile-engorged spleen tend to move in circles far, far above the mundane milieu of the London Road outfit. He has a go at Arsenal, he has a go at Man U. He “thinks” – for want of a more appropriate word to describe his mental activity – that Italy’s four World Cup triumphs were undeserved, that Arsenal’s “Invincibles” were over-rated and that the 1966 World Cup Final was “a rubbish game”. All views, you may have noticed, that would be calculated to get irate punters calling in to his TalkSPORT “Drivetime” show to disagree with him – which is that lamentable station’s chief tactic for stimulating some sort of interest in their drivel-based output. Rumour has it that TalkSPORT’s motto is “Spout bollocks and count the cash” – and they certainly do seek to profit from the fact that there’s a lot of easily-annoyed mugs out there.

After having his little dig at Man U – always a good way to get some controversy going, as I’ve found myself – Durham turns his attention to Leeds United. “In my book “Is He All That?” one of the most enjoyable chapters to write was called: Don Revie’s Dirty Leeds United”, he gobbles smugly. Then, after the fashion of such talentless hacks, he lamely recycles all the old myths – assassins, filthy, studs, elbows and punches. It’s all been said a thousand times before, and infinitely better than Mr Durham could manage in his wildest dreams. But hey, he enjoyed writing it, which is something. Reading it, to judge from the Amazon reviews, must be as enjoyable as a sharp attack of diahorrea in a space suit. So what is Durham’s problem with Leeds United, that he should drone on and on, ad nauseam, about the fact that he so enjoys hating them? Leeds are, in fact, a club that is almost universally hated. There’s nothing new here, nothing to see; it’s just a convenient and overcrowded bandwagon for the lazy and the inadequate. Hating Leeds is a boring cliché, the only compensating positive is that it has become a badge of honour for the club’s supporters. Couldn’t Durham have aimed to be a little more original?

It really is quite odd, this claimed level of antipathy from such a nonentity as Mr Durham, supporter of such a pallid club as Peterborough. There have only ever been six league meetings between the two clubs, Leeds winning four with one win to Peterborough and one draw. In the Cups, Peterborough caused a shock (though not much of one with the dire Leeds side of that season) in 1986, knocking the clueless Whites out 1-0. Twelve years earlier, Don Revie’s United had cuffed the little upstarts 4-1 on their own ground. In the League Cup, there have been two meetings, both victories for Leeds in 1988, by 2-1 and 3-1 for a 5-2 aggregate. It’s not a long mutual history that the two clubs share, understandably so, given their vastly different pedigrees. The head-to-head record is lop-sidedly in favour of Leeds – but does this really account for Adrian’s much-trumpeted attitude? It seems unlikely, leaving us to conclude that he is after all merely using the populist vehicle of hating Leeds – and particularly the Revie “Super Leeds” vintage – to inflate his own deeply mediocre career and take him to heights that his pitiful lack of talent would otherwise deny him.

It’s all grist to the mill of those Leeds United fans who tend to glance sidelong at the latest nobody to profess hatred, and then give us a brief refrain of “We’re not famous anymore”, which is the Beeston take on post-modernist irony, if you like. Usually, such minor irritants as Durham can be dismissed as one might swat a fly – it’s not as if he has a lot going for him as a person, after all. Leaving aside his gingerness, which no self-respecting Leeds fan would have a go at – after all, we owe massive respect to the likes of Billy Bremner, Gordon Strachan and, erm, David Hopkin from our illustrious history – there’s just so much to ridicule about this puffed-up little gob on a stick. Look again at those book reviews on Amazon – vicious, harrowing stuff. But the downside of all this is that Durham has, by fair means or foul, obtained for himself a platform of sorts – and he seems to want to use it to pump vitriol at our beloved Leeds United. Still, I suppose even the hard-of-thinking have to fill their time somehow.

As far as I’m concerned, if the dismal Mr Durham feels that his personal goals are best attained by droning on about football, Leeds United and other matters wherein he can demonstrate his zero level of knowledge and expertise – then so be it. I’ve had my say on the man and his shoddy “work”, and I think I’ve been more than fair to him. And the funny thing is, I always find it comforting, satisfying and instructive to look at those, like the useless Adrian, best-known for being Leeds United haters – Tony Gale, Man U fans, Ken Bates, Brian Mawhinney, Paul Scally, poor little Dave Jones etc etc – and reflect on, well…..what prats they are. What pitiful, wretched excuses for human beings. There surely has to be a message in there somewhere.

25 Comments

Posted in Football, Leeds United

Tagged Adrian Durham, Amazon books, Arsenal, Daily Mail, Leeds United, Peterborough United

England Internationals Should Play for Free – by Rob Atkinson

Posted on 07/11/2013 | 2 comments

Three Lions – all the incentive needed and more.

After England’s successful World Cup qualifying campaign, the dust is now starting to settle, and thoughts are beginning to intrude along the lines of: Oh, Christ, spare us another World Cup finals performance like the last one. It’s a memory just too depressing for words as highly-talented yet grossly over-paid young players sulked around the pitch as if they’d forgotten exactly how lucky they were to be there at all.

The fanatical travelling army which follows England everywhere were shocked into spells of stunned silence at the lassitude and sheer incompetence of some of their so-called heroes in an England team made up, as is usual in these money-mad times, of multi-millionaires, millionaires, and perhaps two or three of the merely very rich. The fans turned to each other and asked, what the bleedin’ hell is going on? Well, situation normal, isn’t it? What a load of overpaid rubbish. We’ll stay at home and watch it on the box another time. It goes without saying though, that the fans will always be there.

With the money in the game, the long-established infrastructure, and the size of our nation relative, say, to a country like Holland which produces excellence as a matter of course, we should be doing better in these massive pan-global tournaments. But however easily, or even gloriously we manage to get there, it always seems to go wrong – at least it has so far this century. The relative glory days of Mexico ’86, Italia ’90 or even England ’96 are a long time ago now. Something is rotten in the state of England. What are the missing ingredients?

Allow me to propose an old-fashioned answer: Pride and Passion. Those two words sum up the edge that England teams, maybe lacking in the technical gifts of continental and latin american players, used to possess; attributes that used to see us through against higher levels of skill and flair. These are the qualities our national team has shown too little of over the years, qualities the fans still possess in abundance.

Now, I’m not suggesting that the players who represent England are lacking totally in either commodity, but I would venture the opinion that they is no longer the over-riding motivation. Money – oodles of it – always looms far too large within the game. To clear the players’ heads, to rid them of competing considerations and leave them focused on the job in hand, to nurture the mindset that they are representing their country, and carrying the hopes of millions, I would propose – quite seriously – that we abandon henceforth the practice of paying players to play for England.

This is not a new idea, not by any means. Before World War Two, players selected for England were invited to choose a match fee OR a souvenir medal – not both. They invariably opted for the medal – and this in an era when professional football wages were capped at a level not far above those of a skilled worker. But pride and passion motivated them.

Nowadays of course, footballers earn a vast amount, and some would say good luck to them – but do they really need to be paid over and above their club contracts for what is still a signal honour? The playing employees of Liverpool, Man U, Man City, Spurs, Chelsea, Arsenal and the rest pull down many, many times the average wage and exist on an entirely different plane to those who shell out their hard-earned to watch them perform. How does this affect the way we see them?

As things stand, the emotional distance between the crowd and the players is magnified by a patently enormous gulf in financial status, which breeds resentment among the fans when things aren’t going well on the field (look at him, fifty grand a week, and he couldn’t trap a bag of cement). Would the frequently toxic nature of that crowd/team relationship not be improved if the players were really playing for the shirt and the cap, and nothing else?

Removal of monetary rewards would not be universally popular among the players – but might this not help sort out the committed from the opportunist, and thus – to risk an archaic phrase – engender a more positive team spirit?

There would be no unpalatable need for the FA to profit by the players’ noble sacrifice. The money that now goes on match fees and bonuses should instead be diverted to a charity of the players’ choice – and would this not only provide an additional incentive to win, but also enhance the team’s good-guy credentials?

They might feel, deep inside, that they’re a cut above the opposition – who are shamelessly, brazenly, doing it for the money. It might even give them that crucial edge. Success is, after all, about the steady accumulation of marginal gains.

No match fees or any bonus, not a red cent – just an international cap. No taint of lucre in the motivations of the players, who would in any case be set for life even if they never earned another penny. No charge of “mercenary footballers” from a disgruntled crowd – rather it would be: well done lads, you’re doing it for England and glory. If you didn’t win – well, we know you were giving of your best, for love of the shirt and charitable causes. Think of that. Wouldn’t our England players rather be loved and admired, than just that tiny bit richer?

Can there really be a better incentive than national pride and sheer altruism, uncluttered by the financial bottom line? Wouldn’t there just possibly be a whole new dynamic around the currently unfancied England setup that might even take us onwards and upwards? Am I being hopelessly idealistic or even naïve?

Well, perhaps I am – but I would humbly suggest that it’s got to be a better way, and is certainly worth a try.

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Posted in Football, Leeds United, Life, Sport

Tagged Arsenal, Chelsea, England, internationals, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, match fees, passion, pride, Spurs

Sky Sports Football Coverage Crisis Looms – by Rob Atkinson

Posted on 25/09/2013 | 2 comments

In the wake of this week’s Capital One Cup 3rd Round ties and the draw for the 4th round of the competition, a looming crisis for the BSkyB organisation – rights holders for live TV coverage – has been revealed. The draw has thrown up ties between Newcastle and Manchester City, clearly a glamour tie – and also, before the determination of the West Bromwich versus Arsenal 3rd round game, the winners of that were pitted against Chelsea. Arsenal duly went on to knock West Brom out on penalties, to confirm a London derby against Chelsea at the Emirates – and Sky TV were thrown into immediate crisis.

The problem lies in the unacknowledged Sky protocol known within the organisation by the secret code-phrase “Some Clubs Ultimately Matter” (SCUM). The origin of this protocol goes back at least eight years in the case of the FA Cup. Statistics for the secondary League Cup competition are not available owing to its comparative lack of importance. However, a Sky TV spokesperson admitted that the last Man U game not to have been broadcast live was “a bloody long time ago, like when Noah was a lad”.

The SCUM protocol is of such importance to Sky TV’s marketing and commercial departments that it is regarded as the prime reference document when live TV games are chosen. Hence the dilemma now being faced by decision-makers, who normally at least attempt to put up some sort of justification for selecting yet another tedious Man U stroll at an embarrassingly quiet Theatre of Hollow Myths. Off the record, a Sky commentator remarked, “We’ve got a problem this time. People are going to want to see the two obvious stand-out ties in the next round. Newcastle v City and Arsenal v Chelsea are both huge. We’ll struggle to justify leaving one of those out to cover Man U reserves diving for penalties against a pallid side like Norwich”.

There was some glimmer of hope for the Sky executives in the short time between the draw being made and the end of the West Brom v Arsenal tie. Sky Sports News covered the penalty shoot-out at the Hawthorns by remote reporting, and it would appear that pundit Alan McInally had failed to read the SCUM script. Executives and studio presenters alike cringed as the Scot egged on Arsenal’s collection of spotty pubescent junior footballers to convert the penalties needed for victory. It is expected that McInally may be carpeted and reminded of his responsibilities to shareholders.

“The problem is,” confirmed Sky’s un-named spokesperson, “if we failed to show a Man U cup game, we’d get flooded with complaints from Devon, Cornwall, the Home Counties – all over the south of England really. That’s a lot of Sky subscriptions – we have to take our commercial survival seriously. That’s why the SCUM protocol is so important to us.”

A high-level meeting is expected in the next few days to try and thrash out some acceptable fiction whereby either the game at Newcastle or the one at Arsenal can be omitted to allow the organisation to fulfill its obligations to SCUM and the Man U supporters, the bulk of whom live within easy travelling distance of Sky’s Isleworth HQ. “We have to sort this out,” said one harrassed executive, “At the end of the day, SCUM is too vital to us all for considerations of mere football merit to prevail.”

2 Comments

Posted in Football, Humour, Leeds United, News, Television

Tagged Arsenal, BSkyB, cup ties, Football, Manchester United, TV

Moyes Fluffing His Fergie-Lite Lines as the Mask Drops – by Rob Atkinson

Posted on 23/09/2013 | 4 comments

It sounded odd at the time. Leading up to the start of his first season at the Theatre of Hollow Myths, David Moyes chose to abandon his previous upright, downright, straightforward no-nonsense Evertonian demeanour and go for a good old-fashioned Fergie whinge with the requisite helpings of paranoia and self-righteousness. “They’re conspiring against us,” he grizzled, bitterly. “Three tough games against title contenders in the first five league outings. It’s no’ fair.” It was straight out of the Taggart Manual, from Chapter One: “Build a Siege Mentality”. The thing is, however tried and trusted the lines are, you need the right kind of actor to convey them. Now that the Old Ham had gone off, could the relatively green Moyes carry on with the same old act? Was it even such a good idea to try?

Whatever the whys and wherefores, the gambit appears to have blown up in the fledgling Man U manager’s face. Yesterday’s humbling against Mancunian giants City was not only a salutary lesson on the field. It also raised serious questions about the new man’s deportment off it. On the face of it, the Moyes Whinge, as it has come to be called, looks in retrospect like a timely warning. Of the three fixtures he was complaining about, the Pride of Devon have lost both away matches, at Liverpool and City, and gained a somewhat lucky point in a dour home struggle against Chelsea. But the fact is that the fixtures are simply that: fixtures. There’s a clue in the name, and while Sky may tamper slightly for TV requirements, the basic framework for the season is carved in stone. To complain about them at the time Moyes chose to complain, and in the terms, moreover, he chose to employ in making that complaint, showed more weakness than foresight, more lack of confidence in himself and his team than lack of faith in the authorities. What message was sent out by the manager to his troops as they prepared for combat? Would they have been inspired by their leader’s belief in them? Or would they, instead, have had a subliminal fear implanted of facing three formidable teams early in the season? Were they, in short, afraid?

A hindsight version of the Moyes Whinge emerged this morning on the radio. He referred again to the perceived unfairness of the fixtures arrangement. As an exponent of psyching his team up and psyching opponents out, Fergie was tiresome, he was tedious, he was annoying and detestable in the eyes of his enemies. But it clearly worked more often than not in the bunker that was Man U’s dressing room. Moyes, by contrast, seemed to have waved a white flag and called for stretcher-bearers before a shot had been fired. Certain of his players, van Persie for one, are already emitting rumbles of discontent. You can imagine them asking themselves: who would we rather have as our leader as we enter the trenches? The margins between victory and defeat are incredibly fine, one iota of backsliding by the historically dominant force, one iota of improvement in the fortunes of his enemies (the football term for “iota”, interestingly, is “Özil”) – and the tables can be well and truly turned.

It may also be that Moyes’ emergence from the comfort zone of Goodison into the fishbowl glare of the Theatre of Hollow Myths has been particularly ill-timed. The gene-pool at the top of the Premier League appears to have expanded dramatically over the summer. Arsenal have improved by probably more than just one Özil. Tottenham seem to have contrived to have lost a golden nugget and replaced it with the equivalent weight in gold-dust, and to have improved in the process. Chelsea have wound the clock back to the reign of the Special One, and you just know he will weave his magic again whilst laughing sardonically at his carping critics in the media, embittered journalists all of whose significant others are unanimous in fancying Jose. Liverpool have looked “at it” again, despite a dip in the last two games. Everton are unbeaten, with a new style and belief under Martinez. The whole landscape at the top of the game has a new and, from the Man U point of view, dangerously unfamiliar look about it.

Maybe one craggy and purple-faced individual in particular foresaw this sea-change, and perhaps this explains the abruptness of his departure from the hot-seat in Salford. There must, after all, be a significant danger that the still debt-ridden Evil Empire will finish outside of the top six this season, favourable ref decisions notwithstanding; and on that subject – what on earth happened to Howard Webb in the Derby? He failed utterly to live up to his Man U Player of the Season form, and must now be worried about his place in the team. Moyes has a lot on his plate, and – sallow-faced and bug-eyed compared to the smug, well-fed, puce sleekness of his tyrannical predecessor – he frankly does not look as though he has the appetite for it.

The noisy neighbours across the border in Manchester will be well aware, as they leap and cavort in celebration in the sullen faces of Manchester’s Red minority, of the problems that are stacking up for the hapless current incumbent of Salford Towers. But those happy fans will care not one jot, as is the case with thousands of other equally happy fans the country over, outside of Devon and Cornwall. They can see golden horizons ahead, and a game reinvigorated by true competition across a well-matched group of clubs vying for the ultimate prize. If Man U do end up outside in the cold, there will be millions who feel it’s a reckoning that’s arrived not a minute too soon.