Little Hammer FOUND!! But Where WAS HammersFan aka HF?? – by Rob Atkinson

The Bitch is back...

The Bitch is back…

Some of us in the blogging world have been concerned for the safety of this HF lad, despite the fact that he was always an irritating and yet consistent pain in the arse for fans of the clubs he obsessed over.  Leeds United (of course) was the jewel in his blogging crown; not content with his alleged West Ham blog “The Game’s Gone Crazy”, he operated a supplementary effort called – wait for it – “The Game’s Gone Crazier”, where he made weak jokes at the expense of football clubs that he, as a Hammers fan, felt threatened or diminished by.

But there’d been no word from him since February.  Not a peep.  Had he got a job, or a girlfriend – or was it something more sinister than that? What had happened to him?  Had he simply grown up?

But now he’s back, and as drearily predictable as ever.  Still – I’m glad no misfortune had overtaken him.  You’d have thought that, as with banging your head against a brick wall, it’d be nice when it stops. But that long, echoing silence was perturbing.  There was this sneaking worry that, against all parental advice, he’d gone along with a dodgy geezer from Plaistow to see some puppies, and had had his innocence cruelly snatched from him.

He’s actually a bit vague as to where he’s really been all this time; there’s just a couple of weak and unconvincing excuses relating to his alleged first love West ‘Am and also to his undoubted obsession Leeds United (inevitably the subject of his comeback piece).  So: does anybody have any idea what really happened? Was it something to do with juvenile court, or has he been busy knocking doors for the UKIP Youth?  Had he, perhaps, been abducted by illegal aliens and incarcerated somewhere near the New Den?  Or had he just been cheeky to a teacher or a constable – and had his dongle taken off him for the duration?

I’ll be going back to ignoring his drivel now I know he’s still alive and dicking. But curiosity compels me to try and clear up this mystery of what caused his long silence.  Can any ‘Appy ‘Ammer shed some light?

49 responses to “Little Hammer FOUND!! But Where WAS HammersFan aka HF?? – by Rob Atkinson

  1. Ropey Wyla

    shhussh! he’s under my patio


    • You insult a large group of people for long enough and you are bound to upset an axe murderer or two. Fans are representative of society………unfortunately :o)


  2. Love him or hate him Rob with all the shit that’s gone on at Leeds I found myself agreeing with him most of the time.


  3. Yes Rob he was all you said but at times funny the way he described situations and even tho leeds became his subject of ridicule i like you hope is okay.


  4. That guy was an idiot. Even West Ham fans hated him.


  5. I remember he disappeared for a Month once before, only to emerge as belligerent as ever claiming his life is far too interesting or he was negotiating a deal on his 11th property blah blah. This departure does seem to have an air or permanance about it however. I too hope he is still alive however if it transpired he was in a Hungarian prison getting a nightly seeing to from Igor the Chairman of the Bucharest Chapter of the Leeds United supporters club, I can live with that as well.


  6. Rob, can’t say that I miss him at all. I hope that he has been the subject of a Shark attack! Three was some truth occasionally, but his work was mainly sham loci snd desperate. RIP


  7. On his honeymoon with jack


  8. Like you Rob, I hope the guy is ok. I really miss him, his blogs were always good for a laugh if you read them with a large pinch of salt. I’m sure he wrote at one point that he was going into hospital – maybe his tongue had grown too big for his cheek!


    • If we were gullible enough, we might now believe the mystery solved. My thickest troll, Paul McKnockiter, has claimed responsibility for the disappearance of HF. He says he’s had him removed from the internet for what he calls hate against other clubs and “racsim”. He’s warned me that a similar dire fate awaits my blog as he has exercised the omnipotence of his influence and has instructed NewsNow to drop me, forthwith. No signs yet, Paul. Perhaps they’re still on their necks laughing at you…?

      McKnockiter is a sad and lonely individual. He reads every word I write and hates it all, passionately. I don’t allow his crap on LLUUE, but a Google search reveals that he’s a very busy little bunny, spreading his hatred of this blog and poor, inoffensive me, far and wide. My lawyers are watching, Paul. Thing is, they’re laughing at you too…

      Meanwhile, in the real world, HF is still unaccounted for.


      • redheadedanimal

        Ah bless him! I think he is deeply in love with you really! Certainly seems to devote a lot of attention to you anyway!

        My theory is that your mate – Paul, is the same person as Hammers Fan. Have you ever seen them in a room at same time!!


  9. Grimethorpe white

    he hasn’t paid his broadband bill. or he,s on his honey mood with his blw up doll and Jack. Knob him.


  10. Rob it’s a fact it was his 8th birthday in mid feb and his mum told him to grow up also he noticed something’s had dropped down below !!


  11. Tarquin's Mum

    Loath him or loath him, this is Tarquin’s mum here and I’ve confiscated his laptop after we found him looking at inappropriate sites. Involving nudity. And goats.


  12. On the occasion he went Awol before he admitted , or rather let slip that his site had been hacked , I wonder if this time he has been delivered a virus he simply can’t shake off…


  13. Dave Sales

    maybe he found something in his pants to play with instead of his mums lap top and clothes? personally, I hated the racist, bile spewing, evil, hate filled prick. Not once did I find him funny or amusing. He was a parasite who found joy and fed off the demise of our great football club and like most Leeds fans? if I ever stumbled across the little twat who spent his time hiding behind his mums computer while publishing his hate for my club on a daily basis? I would have knocked his mums lipstick off his two faces. Sorry Rob, rant over!


  14. He has been very busy planning and succeeding in winning a massive European victory, no not for West Ham, for Austria in Eurovision


  15. LUFC4LIFE!!!

    maybe he really is/was a w.h.u. fan, who eventually got his priorities right, and started to take interest in beginning to support his own team for a change (toward the end of season); instead of abusing other clubs and supporters! mot LUFC4LIFE!!! p.s. congrats on the sites success.


  16. Querulous, cowardly little turd. Why on earth do you want to disinter him Rob? I hope he chokes on his Bubbles.


  17. Tony Duddy

    busy blowing Bubbles … Michael Jackson’s chimp!


  18. Bramley Whites

    Was the west ham fans begging for massimo to take the chairmen seat at downton park shithole? If I remember rightly our chairman was going to work miracles there! Yet it did not happen! There loss are gain!!!! As for hf I hope to god that lightening does strike twice on him that is! Come on you whites


  19. ugandanleedsman

    He just got back from Ukraine having spent time waving flags and making akward salutes with his mates from the Hammers Kiev Chapter!


  20. What is the mystery? HMPS does not allow internet access for prisoners.


  21. Hi Handsome, glad you missed me so much so spot my return. You can imagine I have been in prison if you like, dropping soap in the shower, but the truth is far worse, I’ve been taking it up the rear end by Allardyce football. February was the cruellest month, to misquote Eliot, because it secured our place in the Prem and so cemented Allardyce in his job. God the football was dire! But being a superstitious East End moron, I pledged not to blog until we were safe, and that ran right through to the Spurs game. Meanwhile, events at Leeds were too sad to mock. Be honest mate, it’s a bloody mess!

    So why am I back? Provoked by a VIP ticket to the Romanian Cup Final and a meeting with a certain Mr Haji scheduled for next Tuesday. The game was crap by the way, but the penalty shoot out was fun (95% of the fans were cheering on Steaua but I was supporting Astra who ran out winners) and I thought, shit, I have to tell Roy Keane & everybody that in Romania they don’t have prawn sandwiches, they have prawns in filo pastry – and free wine and beer!

    Anyway, glad to see you are still in good form despite the quicksand swallowing your beloved Leeds. Good luck for next season mate, you’re going to need it!


    • I did suspect you’d been moving in exalted circles – but that suspicion was euphemistic in the extreme! I’d wish you luck too, but I’ve no doubt you’ll go from strength to strength under your walrus-faced football genius.

      As for you – we’re making progress now you’ve come right out, as it were, and exposed yourself, as it were, for a Leeds hater. Next season’s exchanges of vitriol will be all the more entertaining for such a welcome dash of honesty.



  22. Headmaster

    Liam (Hammersfan), We West Ham fans have enjoyed your absence. Please stay away from your computer you utter moron


  23. always lying HF!!! Are we really supposed to believe you havent blogged for 4 months because of superstition??? tell us the truth for once……


  24. Eddie O'Reilly

    I heard (and don’t quote me) that his Bubble had burst And his giro was late so he was unable to blow another bubble as that all the do at wet spam


  25. kevin mousley

    cant speak for his leeds outpourings but his comeback hammers piece is spot on and shows up the paucity of thought in other west ham blogs


  26. HF has rightly objected to an offensive comment that I had allowed through in what was an error of judgement on my part. That comment has now been removed and I’m taking this as a wake-up call to be more diligent in moderation of comments in future.

    I did try to apologise to HF personally, using the address provided in his comment – but sadly the email bounced. So this will have to do.

    Apologies to HF and to anybody else offended by what was a few steps too far for as long as this comment appeared on my site. There will be no repeat of this sort of lapse.

    Rob A.


  27. Cheers Rob. Sorry the email bounced, must have been a typo. Have a good evening.


  28. Just to be clear, ‘Hammersfan’ was suspended from newsnow – I believe because he choose to include photo’s of naked women with his posts – which is why he vanished. It wasn’t his own choice and his recent article claiming it was a self imposed absence show’s the mentality of the ‘man’. An idiot of the highest order and an embarrassment to West Ham fans everywhere. And a liar to boot.

    As a West Ham fan, I can only apologise for his self-obsessed online rants, he really isn’t one of us.


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