Sky Sports Exclusive: Leeds Star Adryan “Wants to Leave United to be Fast Food Server” – by Rob Atkinson


Adryan: "Don't gimme no KFC, man"

Adryan: “Don’t gimme no KFC, man”

News is emerging from a Sky Sports interview with Brazilian starlet Adryan, that will rock every Leeds United supporter who is gullible enough to believe it. Remarkably, after a mere few weeks with the Elland Road club, and no first team appearances, the Flamengo youth product wishes to leave Elland Road to work in a fast food restaurant …. serving burgers!

The incredible truth of the matter is to be found in an exclusive interview given to this channel by Adryan, in which he admits that he simply adores a famous American brand of hamburger. “The truth is that this snack is close to my heart and always will be,” stated the blond boy wonder. He went on:

“It’s impossible not to think about burgers. I have a lot of affection for this food. I can’t think of eating any other kind of junk nourishment. I am a burger eater, so let’s see what happens in the future. But burgers and the cholesterol they contain will always be in my blood.”

These dynamite revelations must surely mean that Adryan’s Elland Road days are numbered, as he heads off to seek his fortune as a minimum-wage purveyor of mechanically-recovered meat products, fried and served up in mouth-watering helpings of convenience-food heaven. You can trust your Super Soaraway Sky when we tell you: Adryan wants OUT of Leeds! You heard it here first, folks.

Believe us. Adryan wants to make it in the burger-selling game. We should know – we’ve been serving up Whoppers since the late eighties, and what’s more we know that when you add two and two, you frequently end up with thirteen and a half.

Colonel Sanders is 149.

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18 responses to “Sky Sports Exclusive: Leeds Star Adryan “Wants to Leave United to be Fast Food Server” – by Rob Atkinson

  1. get him on this Friday and he’ll show them all he’s a future ‘burger’ King rob

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  2. RoystonLUFC

    he’s “chipped” a few keepers, “fried” a few defenders, his parent club is called “flamegrill” and, er, “adryan” is an anagram of “gherkin”. So it’s all a bit obvious really.

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  3. We need to give Dawson a chance in the first team too, bit worried that if we dont give the better youngsters a few opportunities someone will come along and poach them.

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    • I think beyond the quite short term, this will happen. Cellino appears to rate Redders’ Academy work, and he has the reputation of overseeing the development of promising young players (cheap buys or club products) into valuable stars. I think Cellino is still adapting his Fiat 500 model into the one more suitable for his new Porsche.

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  4. I can avoid Murdoch’s Skysports. Dacre’s Heilsport and the rest of the gutter Always have, always will. But the shear abundance of plagiarising, nouveau-blogging sports sites are still able to grind my gears through volumous bombardment alone. HITCSquawkaMoleLeagueWorld appear to dote on the aforementioned chip paper. Take its, mostly anonymous “articles”, and add so much lazy negative spin as to make the original articles seem like a work of Christopher Hitchens in comparison.

    I’ve tried hiding all the guff from Newsnow but aside from yourself its just a blank screen now Rob..

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  5. honestly what can I say they are at it again getting all their facts wrong about a young lad who is committed to united he has never been to a burger king for a whopper in his life. he is definitely a big mac kid who wouldn’t be seen dead in a burger king. how could they get it so wrong when they like all the tabloid press are usually so careful about their getting the stories about Leeds so accurate I am absolutely stunned

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  6. I relish the prospect of Adryan’s imminent debut in the senior side. Then there’s Dawson and young Cook who’s been absolutely bossing it at 17. Mustn’t forget Brian and Delboy etc pushing for a spot. Exciting times.

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  7. The media don’t wont us succeeding so continue to try and destabilise us by writing negative story’s on a daily basis Which is like a drop of water off a ducks back because there negativity makes us stronger the fl cant stop us the media cant stop us even 12years in the wilderness cant stop us because we are LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS MOT

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  8. talking of Dawson , I think he’s a real prospect , I’m looking forward to seeing him in the first team , not just because he’s showing he can but he attended the same school as I did in dewsbury , I remember his dad playing in the local leagues , BUT Chris has to stop coming out with statements about going out on loan etc , its like threatening the club , his time will come and when it does he’ll be a real force for both us and Wales

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    • I’m never too sure about the message it sends out when players angle for loans. Best to keep quiet I think, keep the head down and let the feet do the talking. MOT

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      • Mr orange

        my sentements too rob , he’s obviously champing at the bit to kick start his first team career but a loan spell could turn him into a forgotten man

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      • There’s always an element of risk with these things – fingers crossed it works out for the best with an outstanding prospect like Cook.

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  9. What they seem to have totally missed was that when he said “I am a burger eater,” he was actually talking about his lifetime goal of starting a Wurzels tribute/parody band.

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