Cellino Sells Leeds Utd to Russian Oil Baron in £7.4 Billion Coup   –   by Rob Atkinson


A Russian oil field, yesterday

A Russian oil field, yesterday

NB: This article should be read with extreme cynicism after 12 noon on April 1st. 

Leeds United owner Massimo Cellino is on the point of completing the sale of his holdings in the company that owns Leeds United in a surprise mega-millions deal that will see the club bankrolled into the Champions League, a spokesperson for Eleonora Sports has confirmed. 

The shock deal has been brokered in the last seven days between oil billionaire Aprelya Pervyy and Cellino’s personal representative Avril Primero. While the share purchase price is given as “in the tens of millions”, it is understood that the total deal will be worth almost seven and a half BILLION pounds sterling, with the purchase of Elland Road, the foundation of a new triple A class Academy and the establishment of a new LUTV channel on the Sky platform factored in.

The new owners are believed to be targeting Champions League success within three years, to coincide with the club’s centenary celebrations in 2019. Financial Fair Play restrictions are “unlikely” to be seen as a barrier to success, with infrastructure investment through several specially set-up companies enabling United to compete at the top end of the transfer market.

With the deal due to be completed before the summer transfer window opens, the close season is expected to be a busy time for Leeds, with “significant behind the scenes restructuring” anticipated. Hollywood A-Lister and lifelong Whites fan Russell Crowe is confirmed as being uninvolved at this stage, but is believed to be monitoring the situation from his base in Australia. Crowe has been quoted recently as stating he is “impatient for success” at Leeds; that long wait could now be about to end. 

No further developments are expected today, but Cellino may have a statement to make as early as tomorrow, April the 2nd. 

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52 responses to “Cellino Sells Leeds Utd to Russian Oil Baron in £7.4 Billion Coup   –   by Rob Atkinson

  1. Whats todays date? Must admit I got to the last sentence before the penny dropped, EEEEvil trick.

    Like

  2. April Foolllllllllllllllllllllllllll

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  3. April fool

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  4. Happy April fools day

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  5. if only good one rob lol

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  6. ha ha ha ha ha ha, and Harry Kane is the first transfer target, then Messi, then we buy all of the Man Utd players just to wind up their fans.

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  7. confidenceandparanoia

    Rob, as Howard Webb is refereeing the match for Brendon Ormesby, does that make the pride of Devon favourites for the match?

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  8. zaki Shirbeeni

    If this is an April Fool Joke..it is cruel..to everybody connected to Leeds United…to prevent disappointments..let us think of it as one..for now..Leeds 45 years..

    Like

  9. Belfast White

    Hi Rob. Such good news on this historic date! Although sometimes digging a little deeper with these stories can be like liquid gold and a barrel of laughs. As is the normal drill with Leeds, Comrade Pervyy may not be all he seems. Barred by President RasPutin from the Russian oil industry he left in a sulk to work on another platform. According to Google Cyprus he made his fortune from other oils…palm, coconut, olive and chip. His company motto is ‘Oil’s well that ends well’. He also likes to hide his true worth and so values his fortune in Turkish Lira..thus it is calculated as anything from £987,001-2,564,607,583.75 depending on which day you study the markets. Such treacherous fluctuations are known as the ‘Kewell Effect’…named after a little known and otherwise irrelevant Aussie gold digger. Anyway, here’s to a return of the glory days. MOT

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  10. If only!
    Nice one, Rob and a happy 1st to you!

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  11. BITESYERLEGS 74

    Your shoe laces are undone Rob

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  12. Steve trebert

    Hi Rob

    In your dreams! Happy April 1st

    Steve Trebert

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  13. It is the first of April, isnt it??????

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  14. Mark benson

    I have heard that the Russian has a man in mind for the day to day running of the club already. somebody called kenlev bateski. is this true rob

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  15. John brooks

    April the 1st I think

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  16. April Fool!

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  17. Andy Leuty

    It’s not April 1st is it?

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  18. JOHN INGHAM

    Rob,this is fantastic news,thought it might have been a wind up but just had it confirmed by my mate.mot

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  19. Nice one Rob!

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  20. Andy Marren

    Ah, April fool I’ve been expecting you. Nice story would be great if it wasn’t April 1.

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  21. What great news, looks like April is off to a great START. !

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  22. Philip of Spain.

    You forgot to mention Vladamir Putin’s role as P.R.Guru and fitness god.It was reported recently that in a similar role in Siberia,he had the players running through the woods naked, smothered in Elk fat,(which bears love apparently).Things are really on the up for Leeds,that’s for sure!!!!

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  23. That is NOT funny!!
    That is cruel Rob!!
    If only though! LOL!!

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  24. Happy April’s fool day!

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  25. Chris Convy

    April Fool!

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  26. Russian Billionaire and Cellino’s Rep both April 1st in their respective language……. hmmmm ha

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  27. Anne Davies

    April the 1st or what?????

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  28. I’m just sat here with my mouth wide open. What!

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  29. I think this is an april fool joke and

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  30. What a fool, this April 1!!!!!!!

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  31. Aye and I will start supporting Scumchester United if that is true hahaha MOT.

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  32. It’s April the first

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  33. What today’s date again?!!!!!!!

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  34. I note the date today.

    Yin

    >

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  35. Mansion white

    Aprilf fools

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  36. That would be nice.. Shame it’s April 1st

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  37. April 1st is it??????????

    T

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  38. Paul Marsh

    You nearly caught me out Rob!Mot!

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  39. At least you didn’t make it too obvious rob. “man u to win trophies under van gaal” or some such

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  40. if it was only true, but nice one Rob from all us old dreamers

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  41. Avril Primero…. hehehe.
    Crowe’s partner Packer is worth US$ 4.7 BILLION, so until Rusty says all bets are off, that particular dream is still alive!

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  42. Got me! What a doofus I am. I even went as far as tweeting the link to your story to a guy in Chicago who has a huge following of LU fans!

    Like

  43. and pigs will fly

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  44. Its getting like UK Gold on here!!

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  45. Peter Turner

    If only

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  46. Nice April fool Rob. A bit cruel though as it was only the date that caused me to twig!

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  47. Reality Cheque

    Oh Rob, you are a wicked tease. In the real world the only thing Cellino has been offering for sale is all the unused office furniture and empty office chairs now that all the assembled “management team” have left the building and the last of the Thorp Arch training staff has now chosen to leave.

    Do you think that Cellino will just let Raynor do Steve Evan’s job for a couple of months after firing Evans in order to free up another desk and chair for the sale?

    I wonder whether Mr Bates has enquired about hiring some of the empty office space at Elland Road, (on the cheap, of course), to move his Yorkshire Radio propaganda machine under our roof!!

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  48. Blobasaurus

    This is SOOO funny hahahahahahahah!!!

    Like

  49. a bit cruel Rob, in all honestly! ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but the figure of 7.4 billion told me it was a joke before I realized it was april fools day ..let hope that a billionaire will indeed buy Leeds though..

    Like

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