In his first act following his shock US Election victory, President Elect Donald Trump has revealed that, in an early effort to strengthen links between the USA and Great Britain, he is in advanced talks with Leeds United owner Massimo Cellino for a total buyout of the Elland Road club.
Mr. Cellino refused to answer questions about the takeover this morning, saying only: “You think you no find owner madder than Big Mass, hey? Ha! Va’ fa Napoli!!” A spokesman for Mr. Trump, however, was more forthcoming, stating that the deal was imminent and that the terms included the appointment of Cellino as Attorney General in the initial Trump administration.
Early indications are that Trump plans to develop the Elland Road stadium as a matter of priority, with the building of two or three skyscrapers on the site of the existing West Stand, as well as a wall around the LS11 postal code, to be paid for by the local Mexican Taco Takeaway franchise.
Current team boss Garry Monk was unconcerned by the change in ownership, advising that it would be “business as usual”. Rumours that the grass banking in the West Stand car park is to be referred to henceforth as a “grassy knoll” have neither been confirmed nor denied.
President Elect Trump himself said that he’d had a tiring week, that he was exultant over the greatest achievement of his life, and that all his thoughts and efforts were now concentrated on beating Newcastle United and Liverpool.
Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything 
Looking forward to this takeover, Rob. The LU Mets will be World Series champs in no time
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Arf!
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Love it. Just heard on the radio. If you had placed a £5 bet on Leicester, Brexit and Trump, you would be picking up £12,000,000
this morning. Oh for a time machine.
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Hell yeah!!
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Har har har, digest this at your leisure Rob.Why no one should vote for Trump (ever expanding list):
* Disrespects women
* Favors wealthy and privileged
* Clueless about the Constitution, workings of government, military operations, diplomacy, and many other areas CRITICAL to a President’s skill set
* Serial liar
* Insults Hispanics, African-Americans, Muslims, many others
* CON MAN!!
* Repeatedly asked advisor: “If we have nuclear weapons, why can’t we use them?”
* Publicly suggested “2nd Amendment people” could stop Clinton
* Insulted parents of Muslim war hero killed in Iraq
* Insisted Russia would NEVER invade Ukraine 2 years AFTER they had actually invaded
* Publicly encouraged RUSSIA to cyber-attack our OWN GOVERNMENT
* Disagrees with SEVENTEEN American security agencies (military & civilian) that say cyber-attacks have been coming from Russia
* Praises Putin while berating our own president and military leaders
* Appeared on Russian state TV and complained about American media and foreign policy
* Solicited campaign contributions from foreign officials. (Violation of FEC laws)
* Wants to CURB freedom of the press
* Mocks our democracy by saying he’ll accept results of election only if HE wins
* Wants complete ban on Muslim immigration, and identification badges on those already here
* Wants extreme “ideological” testing on ALL immigrants
* Has REPEATEDLY violated immigration laws, illegally importing numerous undocumented foreign workers (whom he then exploited)
* Discriminated against minorities regarding housing
* Used money from his “charitable” foundation to settle lawsuits
* Is not supported by ANY of the 45 living former members of the White House Council of Economic Advisers
* Seriously thinks the United States should DEFAULT on its debt
* Bribed Florida AG to drop fraud investigation against Trump “University”
* Pathetically attempts to make Bill’s 20 year old dalliances germane to today’s election, but threatens legal action against those mentioning his OWN much more recent (and FREQUENT) sexual misconduct
* Encourages, and is enthusiastically supported by, Neo-Nazis, KKK, white supremacists, anti-semites, and every other bigoted hate group in the country
* Talks around questions; deflects criticism; changes subject; blames others
* Speaks in generalities, overstatements, and over-simplifications
* Jumps to conclusions
* Takes undeserved credit
* Rude; arrogant; undignified; classless; creepy
* Bad temperament. Tantrums. Name-calls like bratty grade schooler. Constantly whines he’s being treated unfairly
* Said he would pull out of UN global climate accord, and slash environmental regulations if elected
* Thinks global warming is a hoax invented by the Chinese
* Numerous conflict-of-interest business and financial ties with foreign countries, including Russia and China
* Claims he doesn’t need outside advisors because “I have a very good brain”
* Claims President Obama and Hillary Clinton founded ISIS
* Said: “I know more about ISIS than the generals do. Believe me.”
* Said: “Our military is a disaster” and “We have become a third world country”
* Said: “Women, you have to treat them like shit.”
* Said: “When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”
* Said: “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her”
* Said he gets his info on international relations from watching TV and Miss Universe pageant
* Wants to withdraw from NATO
* Racist
* Narcissist
* Reckless, irresponsible
* Braggart, egomaniac, misogynist
* Draft-dodger, hypocrite, bully
* Makes fun of disabled
* Claimed his sexual escapades amounted to his own “personal Vietnam”
* Tries to exploit veterans for his own gain.
* Mocked POWs
* Trades on anger, hate, fear, paranoia
* Pushes false equivalencies and false logic
* Supports tax cuts for rich
* OPPOSES minimum wage increase
* Wants to WEAKEN regulations on Wall Street
* Thinks MORE countries should have nuclear weapons, including Saudi Arabia
* Ultra thin skin. Impulsive. Lashes out at slightest provocation
* Does not think things through
* Will not admit to a mistake
* Will not disclose his taxes
* Multiple bankruptcies and business failures
* Stiffed numerous contractors
* Quotes false “statistics” that support him
* Lied about personally witnessing thousands of Muslims celebrating on 9/11
* Lied about contributions to veteran’s groups
* Implied Ted Cruz’ father was involved in JFK assassination
* Championed stupid “birther” movement
* Claimed federal judge could not be impartial because of his heritage
* Thinks the National Enquirer, Breitbart News, and Alex Jones are credible news sources
* Habitually makes empty promises
* Uninformed. Often doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and has no interest in learning
* No government experience AT ALL
* Bad judgement
* Lacks conscience and compassion
* Pretends to have solutions, but NEVER offers specific details
* Thinks ranting, raving, hubris, insults, denial, and BS constitute thought, policy and reasoned argument
* The few policies he DOES clearly state are unworkable, unenforceable, unconscionable, and/or immoral
* Refused to renounce KKK until AFTER Super Tuesday voting
* HELPS terrorists by providing propaganda ammunition
* HORRIBLE example to children
* Untrustworthy, unfit, incompetent, ignorant, offensive, obnoxious, vile, vulgar, detestable, disgusting, delusional, and dangerous
* Projects TERRIBLE image of America to the world
* Is an awful choice for President
(If you would like to copy/paste/share my comment, please FEEL FREE!! You don’t have to give me credit. — Art Weber)
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If these are the best two the yanks could come up with it serves the batards right.
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It’s just a hunch, but you don’t like him, do you Philip?
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And this disaster proceeds from yet another “election” by which the Far Right was installed in power despite its rejection by American voters. In 2000, the American people elected by a majority of their votes, progressive Al Gore, but the Right Wing Supreme Court, in a 5-4 vote, conferred the Presidency on war-mad George Bush. Now it happens AGAIN. Hillary Clinton receives more votes than Donald Trump, but the insidious device of the Electoral College is used to confer the Presidency on Donald Trump. God help us alll. We have bigger problems now than Cellinochio.
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Excellent.
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If you think Trump is bad you should have seen what that psycho killary Clinton had in store for the planet. A no-fly zone over syria=WW3. Trump is thoroughly odious but the Clinton crime syndicate is far far worse and don’t forget she’s married to a serial rapist. Their body count is at least 46. At least with Trump in the Whitehouse we might all live to see Leeds in the premier league.
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Bullshit Philip.all your point are wrong!
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the Donald has vowed if and when he buys the ” leeds united franchise” he will BUILD A WALL!! on the Yorkshire, lancs border to keep our
noisy neighbours out!!
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he sees elland rd as a piece of real estate which can be converted into a future world class golf course. As the Donald stated ” trust me it will happen”
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The Donald also made this following statement regarding the possible purchase ” I have a great respect and read all about the rich history of the GREAT LEEDS ROVERS, and fully expect to beat both NEWCASTLE CITY and LIVERPOOL ALBION by converted field goals. TRUST ME IT WILL HAPPEN!!!
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chris(@gallowayisanazi) All my “point” are wrong? Ummm? please point out which one of all my “point” are wrong.
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