FA Explains Austin Escaped Jansson Punishment as he Doesn’t Play for Leeds, Asks Why All the Fuss – by Rob Atkinson

             Pontus Jansson: bang to rights for being a Leeds United player

An FA spokesperson has reacted with bewilderment to the controversy over their decision not to punish Charlie Austin (Southampton) for recent post-match comments to the effect that the referee was a clown and deserved to be strung up with piano wire. Some Leeds United fans are apparently “miffed” that their own Pontus Jansson received a one match ban with a £1000 fine, for comments that many perceive as somewhat milder. The FA man, Mr Lee D. Shater (Twitter handle @LeeDShater), when asked why the Leeds man had been treated differently, replied, “Well, you’ve answered your own question. Mr Jansson plays for Leeds United and Mr Austin plays for Southampton. What’s the issue here?”

Fearing that we’d perhaps failed to make ourselves sufficiently clear, our intrepid Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything reporter asked once again for the precise reason behind seemingly different responses to similar matters. Mr. Shater stated “This is like talking to a brick wall. The FA has been very clear on a number of previous occasions that playing for Leeds United is an aggravating factor in any disciplinary issue. That’s a long-established fact, and we’re frankly surprised that it should become an issue now. Now do run along, I’m a busy man”.

Enquiries further up the FA chain of command failed to produce anything by way of a more detailed response, with the general reaction consistently being one of mild surprise that there was perceived to be anything questionable or controversial about the treatment of either player. One official, who preferred not to be named, but whose great grand-daddy was Alan Hardaker, tried to provide a little helpful background: “Look, a lot of this may have been before your time, but Leeds United has been the FA’s bête noire, if you’ll pardon my French, for well over fifty years now. We’re only continuing to enforce long-accepted guidelines, and we’re supported in this by our colleagues at the Football League – just take a look at how long it is since Leeds have been awarded a penalty kick – over a year now, in a run stretching to 55 games. We’re all pretty proud of that. Quite frankly, Mr Jansson can count himself lucky that he wasn’t treated more harshly. Nobody forced him to play for Leeds, you know…”

Nobody at Leeds United was available for comment, but it is understood that the club will continue to monitor instances of questionable and inconsistent refereeing decisions, as well as the application of disciplinary standards at the governing body level of the game. Apparently, some thought had been given to seeking the support of FIFA, the world football administrators, but a telegram from that august organisation reading “Leeds United? Pah. Nous détestons absolument Leeds United. Ils sont comme la merde sur nos chaussures. Pah!” served as a discouragement to that course of action.

It would seem, therefore, that the club’s only option will be to grit their teeth and get on with it. Nothing is likely to change anytime soon, and speculation among the Leeds support is that Brexit will be finalised long before United receive another penalty kick. The general feeling is that success, when it comes, will be all the sweeter for arising out of adversity and in the face of extreme prejudice. Or, as one classical scholar, a United fan for 43 years, put it: “Noli illegitimi carborundum”.

Alan Hardaker, 106, is dead.



18 responses to “FA Explains Austin Escaped Jansson Punishment as he Doesn’t Play for Leeds, Asks Why All the Fuss – by Rob Atkinson

  1. Rob, excellent! Poets Villion (French) and Horace (Roman) would be proud of you!


  2. Rob, this is excellent! Poets Villon (French) and Horace (Roman) would be proud of you.


  3. Thanks for clearing that up.

    But I would suggest that Jeremy Corbyn will be Prime Minister before Leeds get another penalty.


  4. Robert Parr

    Rob, I wonder if players coming to play for the greatest club in the world are forewarned of the ‘consistent’ treatment that is dished out to us?
    They should really be aware that they are almost certainly throwing away any chance of silverware and will be hated whilst in a Leeds shirt!


    • It does make you wonder. I still remember the look on Thomas Christiansen’s face last season, after a particularly ridiculous decision or two, when it had dawned on him that the powers that be aren’t great Leeds lovers.


  5. Reality Cheque

    Like your good self, Rob, I have been repeatedly incensed over the clear imbalance of punishments consistently imposed on Leeds United by “the powers that be” throughout the fifty odd years I have supported Leeds. However, this was tempered and put into true perspective yesterday when I heard the very sad prognosis for our young fan Toby Nye. Life can be so cruel in so many ways but my thoughts just go out to Toby and his family at this time and pray that a miracle can happen for this special little fella. ALAW
    P.S. I accept that you may not want to post this out of respect for the families privacy at this difficult time Rob.


    • I will post it, both for the sense of perspective it brings, and because I’m sure that family will welcome prayers for a miracle we’d all love to happen.


  6. I just don’t understand it Rob. Austins reaction was bordering on psychotic anger and was a hundred times worse than Jansson’s almost calm, but truthful outburst.
    Austins fury was also seen on Match of the Day, in front of millions and millions and not on a second rate SKY channel, in front of a few thousand viewers.
    The only thing that Cellino got right was trying to ban SKY from Elland Road, due to the constant inconvenience caused to Leeds for such a pitiful small amount of TV money received.
    On the subject of penalties, if Leeds don’t get a penalty soon, then we are clearly being cheated of extra goals by the corrupt officials, who obviously do realize that Leeds subsidize every Championship teams with their biggest home attendances of every season and that’s why they don’t want Leeds to get out of this very unfair league.


  7. steven emsley Wstern Australia

    Well the list keeps growing and growing,
    I remember my dad telling me years ago that Leeds never get the rub of the green with officials in the UK and even in Europe. History points to that even today remember the Scandalous points reduction no other team gets the same rulings as we do.
    That’s why when I put the TV on to watch a match I have a tear in my eyes for the great support we still have.
    The passion of our supporters is by far the best in the UK that’s why we now have a manager that gets what we are all about.

    Keep fighting Toby



  8. Life is LUFC

    This bias is not only against the first team. What about Jamal Blackman, broken tibia caused by another player from another team in an unnecessary tackle. Apart from all the discussion about the lad being taken off the pitch and the extent of his injury, plus the lad is now out of the game for the best part of a year what did the other player get? I for one would like to know. Thinking of you Jamal and I hope you are able to come back to football when this is all over.
    Yes Rob you have captured the feelings of us fans very succinctly in this missive well done.


  9. Hi Rob,
    I hear Leeds might be going after Tom Heaton in the Jan window, after Blackman’s they have no choice but to get another keeper and Heaton from Burnley would be a good choice.. have you heard anything?


    • Heard exactly the same, Mr. O – not a bad option, I’m sure, though I’d also welcome Keiren Westwood from Wendies or Daniel Bentley from Brentford.


  10. Now AR is the so called ringleader behind a breakaway league we’ll never get a penalty! Can you imagine the disgrace of being the ref to break their omerta code and grant us one? It’s not even funny. There is a clear agenda against us from refs to the FA to the FL.


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