An ancient verse of the mediaeval soothsayer Michel de Nostredame, better known in modern times as Nostradamus, has startlingly been interpreted as a firm prediction that Leeds United will be awarded a penalty in tomorrow’s home fixture against Bristol City.
The nailed-on prediction will come as good news for United fans, who have not seen their favourites given a spot kick for more than a year now – despite many feasible claims during the 55 games over that time. The Nostradamus prediction appears quite specific; the verse in question – technically known as a quatrain – is reproduced below. As can plainly be understood, the ancient prophet has seen in the stars at least one penalty for the Whites, together with a Leeds United victory.
“Northern wind will cause the siege to be raised / Nearby the path of the hollowed mountains / Two great beasts, one will oppose and one assail / Drinking by force the waters of the Chalice triumphant.”
The mention of “hollowed mountains” nearby – a transparent reference to the Pennines separating East from West – indicates opponents from the Occident. The two great beasts are, of course, a Bristolian defender (opposing) and a United striker (assailing). “Drinking by force the waters”, etc …. well, I’ve told you enough already. Got to leave you something to work out for yourselves.
Leeds manager Marco Bielsa is delighted to see his patience being rewarded. “Bueno,” said the United coach, fluently, before mumbling unintelligibly in Spanish and then favouring us with a charming smile.
Bristol City, for their part, are not convinced about the authenticity of this supposed ancient prophecy. “We’ll be watching our defensive work, certainly,” confirmed a club insider, “but we’ve made no special plans. We can’t simply assume that we’re going to concede a historically unlikely penalty just because of some mouldy old verse. Besides which, we’ve seen another quatrain from the National Library, and that clearly states the one you’ve got is bollocks.”
Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything, however, is utterly convinced by the prediction and is prepared publicly to endorse it. Leeds United will get a penalty at home to Bristol City tomorrow – count on it. Even put money on it, if you like*. Some blog readers have already declared their solemn intent to “lump on”. So you can take our word for it. Leeds to get a pen, and Pablo, as he did back in the mists of time, will miss it. Definitely.
* Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything can accept no responsibility for money lost in wagers, bets, flutters, accas or wild-eyed punts. Sorry.