Frank Lampard Now Sure the Leeds United Spies are Out to Get Him and Derby County – by Rob Atkinson


Lampard: I sense spies, spies, spies. Where are they??

Shortly after Derby County‘s latest thumping, by four goals to nil at Aston Villa, Rams manager Frank Lampard cut a huddled and morose figure as he contemplated the way in which the nefarious agents of Leeds United were conspiring to deprive him of the success he considers his birthright. When asked if his side were still affected by the aftermath of “Spygate“, a wild-eyed Lampard snapped “I don’t want to discuss that. But yes, definitely. They’re out to get me, I’m looking over my shoulder all the time”.

When asked the precise nature of this alleged ongoing effect on his stuttering team, Lampard rapped “I don’t want to discuss that. But there are spies in every bush, and they’ve all got Leeds United badges on and they’re heavily armed with bolt cutters. They’re equipped with special patent spies’ glasses too, that can see right through even B&Q green plastic mesh. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you”.

Somewhat bemused, our (undercover) Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything correspondent asked Mr. Lampard exactly what would be the point of this alleged ongoing Leeds United spying, given that Leeds had already outplayed and thrashed Derby twice in their two Championship meetings this season. Lampard snarled “I don’t want to discuss that. But you must understand, these Leeds spies are determined to ruin Derby’s whole season, so they’re still after me, getting at me, haunting my very dreams, determined to thwart me, passing on vital information to our enemies. It’s a vendetta, I tell you, a vendetta!!”

As Mr. Lampard finished his impassioned statement, his voice had risen to a peculiar thin shriek, and his face had turned blotchy and purple, with his eyes bugging out and the beginnings of a nosebleed. Concerned, our man asked if he was OK. Lampard whimpered “I don’t want to discuss that. But you tell me, would you be OK with the most evil football club in the whole world against you, following your every move, listening at doors, peeping through windows, bugging your phone lines and hacking into your special Rams iPad?? Would you? Would you??? No, you bloody wouldn’t. And now we lose 4-0 to Villa after getting beat off Forest and Millwall doing us at Shame Park. And the fans are blaming me, can you believe that? It’s Leeds United, I tell you, Leeds! Leeds, Leeds, Leeeeeeds!!!

At this point, Mr. Lampard was led away, gently restrained in the very straitjacket County used to calm Frannie Lee down after Norman Hunter bust his lip, and then, with a faint, protesting cry of “Wibble” that would bring tears to a glass eye, put firmly on the team bus back to Derby. A club spokesman stated that “Frankie just needs a rest. A nice long rest. Just leave him be for now. As regards the current situation, Frankie’s frankly in no fit state to discuss that”.

Leeds United, fresh from their 4-0 dismissal of West Bromwich Albion, confined themselves to a brief official statement: “We at Elland Road wish Frank Lampard well, and look forward to news of his complete recovery and rehabilitation”.

Shaun Harvey of the Football League is a complete arse.

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23 responses to “Frank Lampard Now Sure the Leeds United Spies are Out to Get Him and Derby County – by Rob Atkinson

  1. Leeds White 697

    Brilliant!!! 😀

    Like

  2. Priceless, keep em coming Rob.
    MOT

    Like

  3. Bravo Rob. Poor Christine..two babies to look after. Magic

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nev Jackson

    his spies they hide in woodlands
    and his tactics leave teams most blank
    and there sat marcello bielsa
    sticking one up fatty frank

    (to the tune of his eyes they shone like diamonds)

    Like

  5. He thinks he’s better than what he is, and got a gods given right to be the best in football management. He went straight in at championship level to move up to the premier league, he couldn’t start at the bottom and work himself up the ladder, but thought he was above that, but now this league is finding him out how good he really is , he’ll now use anyone or anything to blame before admitting to his own inferiority, and a blind man could see that.

    Like

  6. Steve McMillan

    I don’t want to rub salt into Frank’s wounds, but I’m shagging his wife as well!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Michael Foley

    Spot on again Rob,how do these “golden boys” get these jobs having had no apprenticeship at all with at the lower leagues,what’s made round comes round!

    Like

  8. I’m trying to find the odds on the fool getting his P45 by wednesday, karma if that happens.

    Like

  9. Awesome man! Too funny!

    Like

  10. howard mackey

    Did you ever see the film “Meet The Fockers” the little baby in the film was always asking for Lampard,do you not remember ,the little love was always shouting aarrse-hole.M.O.T.
    H.

    Like

  11. He won’t take the Chelsea job now (more’s the pity) because he won’t want us spying on him in the Prem 😁😁😁

    Like

  12. neil macdonald

    Clearly Bielsa’s dossier on how to beat Pampard’s Derby has been well used by the other Championships clubs – even by the frantic letter-writers up on the moral high ground.

    Let’s take a moment to play a little ‘I Spy’. I’ll start ….

    I spy with my little eye, a worried manager waiting for the sack beginning with ‘L’.

    Or is it just wishful thinking? 🙂

    Like

  13. Love it…😁

    Like

  14. I believe you call it Karma?

    Like

  15. He’s a first class tit (lampard) he’s been pampered and mollycoddled all his life, now he’s on his own and can’t handle it, what a pampered little twat he really is

    Like

  16. Andy hinks

    franky lampy, the spoilt noxious toad of the championship !
    Kent white (Andy Hinks)

    Like

  17. Hilarious.

    Like

  18. Still on the schadenfreude theme,wouldn’t it be nice,nay wouldn’t it be brilliant if we do go up that Bolton go down? They’re adrift now anyway but I still haven’t forgotten their enjoyment of our demise 14 or so years ago at their place

    Like

  19. Paul Ibbotson

    poor little frankie soon to be big frankie keep off the derby pies
    so villa etc stuffed your lot you only beat wigan because of their odd balls
    to be frank frankie or was it your dad frank you should be after the milwall coaches job soon back darn sarf and take your b&q spy fence with you
    diddums

    mot

    Like

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