Barnsley’s biggest star
Both Huddersfield Town and Millwall have enjoyed league victories over the Mighty Leeds United this season – classic David and Goliath tales of tiny, grubby backwoods clubs enjoying their moment in the limelight as they contrive to overcome a world-famous footballing superpower.
Now, little Barnsley have got in on the “David” act, making their annual pilgrimage to Elland Road and managing to escape with a point clutched gratefully in their hot, sweaty little hands. The fallout was similar to that in the earlier two cases – joy unconfined, celebration and jubilation in excelsis, dancing and cavorting in the cobbled streets and who knows what other forms of primitive festivity. It’s anticipated that there will be a sharp spike in the birth-rate nine months hence – though sadly the limited gene pool means it’s unlikely we’ll see any such augmentation of the average IQ figure.
All of this is quite understandable, given the chip on the collective shoulders of each respective band of David fans, where this Leeds United “Goliath” is concerned. It’s probably most acute in Huddersfield, whose fans have had to live their lives in the long shadow of Big Brother from Elland Road on the one side, and of the Pennines on the other, their only protection from the barbaric hordes of Lancashire.
But Barnsley nurse their own local-envy grudge against Leeds, seeming to feel that they must succeed in this game at any cost. A red card is deemed a fair price to pay as evidenced by the clogging of Marius Zaliukas
Whatever motivates these quaint if rustic people to nurse such savage hatred in their bosoms – and really, who could ever tell what goes on inside those misshapen heads? – there is certainly a galvanising effect on the team they support. Those guys can be relied upon to play well above their usual form and give even superior Leeds sides a terrible time. The motivational aspect is undeniable and, sadly, it costs an unwary United points that should be there for the taking. This happens time and time again – every time a Leeds fixture is in the offing, the drums start to beat, the blood stirs and an atavistic glitter is to be seen in the eyes of otherwise placid and useless players. We Leeds fans refer to it ruefully as “Cup Final Syndrome” – much to the annoyance of the unwashed hordes in opposition camps. The Barnsley lot, for instance, would have you believe that Leeds is “just another game”. But this is demonstrably not so.
Quite apart from the annoying regularity with which these dingy little clubs raise their performance levels against Leeds, another noticeable factor is the slump in performance immediately afterwards. It’s as if the players, egged on by their desperate fans, have given every last drop of blood, sweat and tears and then gone on to draw on hidden reserves to complete the job, leaving them shattered and drained. What inevitably happens next time out is that a team of pale wraiths take the field, wave and smile wanly at the applause due to them for the Leeds display, and then capitulate to whoever they are playing, simply too shagged-out from post Cup Final Syndrome to offer any resistance. After the Leeds v Barnsley game, I predicted that it would be defeat next time around for an exhausted set of Cup Final heroes. “It’s quite probable now that Barnsley will go on to collapse to defeat against their next opponents,” I wrote. Naturally, I was right – the Tykes slumped to a 1-0 home reverse against Bolton Wanderers yesterday, thus further proving the point I’ve been making – which is basically that Leeds have to show equal desire against these fired-up teams. Their superior ability will do the rest.
The truth of the matter is, of course, that this “Cup Final Syndrome” is a real factor, one that can distort results and affect the whole season. As I’ve previously written, Leeds suffer more than most from the phenomenon – not that this is any reason for sympathy. It’s something Leeds have to sort out and overcome, if they are to achieve anything in the foreseeable future. It’s just the loud and indignant denials you get – from the clubs who experience Cup Final Syndrome – that amaze me. They’re prepared to swear blind that there’s no such factor at play, and yet the figures speak for themselves – as you can plainly see if you look at the results for Huddersfield and Millwall in the wake of their hard-won victories over Leeds.
The managers of those clubs concerned might see things in a different light; they might argue that if their team can reach such heights and expend such effort when they play Leeds, then they could and should do it all the time. But that’s the point – they can’t. They almost literally do give that hackneyed 110% against Leeds. It is their cup final. They try and they try – and they come off the field, maybe victorious, but shattered and run down, their batteries as flat as the top of Wayne Rooney’s head. They’ve nothing left to give, with predictable consequences next time out as they succumb, knackered. It’s all there, in those results.
Maybe the Millwall and Huddersfield fans, Barnsley supporters too, would rather have a more consistent level of performance – and in that case, maybe they’d tolerate a less superhuman level of effort against the arch-enemy Leeds United. But do you know, I somehow doubt it? I have this sneaking suspicion that they’d rather continue to settle, grumpily maybe, but settle nonetheless, for mediocrity and runs of defeats for most of the season – just as long as they can have those wins against Mighty Leeds. That, for them, is what it’s all about. It’s not as if they’re going to go up anyway – so they need those Cup Final victories, they’re a validation of sorts. It’s a defining characteristic of the type of club they are, with the type of fans they have.
So, you small-time, small club, small-minded envious pariahs – next time you hear Leeds United fans singing to you about “your Cup Final”, and feel moved to utter an offended bleat of protest – just bite your lips, and pause a second or two. Think on. You might just realise that what we’re singing to you is almost literally true.
Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything 
Clarke……One Nil! Hear the Late, Great David Coleman as Leeds Utd Win the Cup
David Coleman died today, and with him went another piece of our youth for all those of my generation who grew up listening to him describe Cup Finals, historical athletics achievements and so much more, all in that distinctive, much imitated voice – the voice of the seventies, surely.
This video shows highlights of the Centenary FA Cup Final at Wembley on 6th May 1972, a game whose only goal will forever be remembered in terms of Coleman’s memorably laconic description. As the ball winged in from the right, crossed by Mick Jones, Coleman simply intoned: “Clarke ……… one-nil!” There was the implication that a goal followed such a chance for Sniffer as surely as night follows day – and so it most usually did. But this was a special, historic day, the only time to date that Leeds have ever won the FA Cup, and so the commentary has a special resonance, much as Kenneth Wolstenholme‘s did for the World Cup Final of 1966. As Coleman recapped the Clarke goal at Wembley that day, he added that it was “an example of the Leeds one-two”. He usually had the right words for any occasion, and his unique voice always enhanced whatever game he was describing.
A marvellous commentator and a giant of sports coverage over many years, he even saw a new term introduced into the language courtesy of Private Eye magazine. “Colemanballs” was an affectionate reference to his occasional lapse – and it’s as much a tribute to him as anything else that will be said on this sad day of his death at the venerable age of 87.
David Coleman, 1926 – 2013 RIP A sad loss who will be much missed – thanks for the memories.
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Posted on 21/12/2013 in Football, Leeds United
Tagged 1972, Allan Clarke, Arsenal, commentary, cup final, David Coleman, FA Cup, icon, Leeds United, Mick Jones, Private Eye, Wembley