Tag Archives: Sunderland Fc

Newcastle Team “Scared Because Stoke Looked Like Sunderland” Claim – by Rob Atkinson

Toon v Sunderland today. Er, we mean Toon v Stoke.

Toon v Sunderland today. Erm, we mean Toon v Stoke

A novel excuse has been advanced by an un-named Newcastle United player after the Toon’s disappointing home draw with Stoke. The Geordies had been leading near the end through a goal from Mackem youth product Jack Colback (74′) – but in the end, they were pegged back when Peter Crouch planted a firm header past Tim Krul as the match moved into added time.

One anonymous Newcastle player, immediately after the game, has apparently blamed Stoke’s red and white striped jerseys for the way City were allowed to snatch a point. “They looked canny like Sunderland, like, and it fair scared the clarts oot of us, bonny lad. Why AYE – it’s no excuse like, though but,” the player – believed to be from Newcastle’s English contingent – stated as he came off the pitch. Asked to enlarge on his controversial viewpoint, the Toon star would only add “Them buggas have made a turtle habit of beating us hollurr, every time we meet up, like. It’s enough to put a gadgie off his Broon, man. Sur when the likes of Sturk City torn up, the spittin’ image of them Sunnerlan’ buggas, it was just toomuchforruslike. Wuz’re like, y’knaa, psycholgically disTORBED, like! Pass us an orange, Thelma pet.”

A long-standing Newcastle fan, Sidney Aloysius Smutt, when asked outside the ground after the match for his views, would only observe “Haddaway an’ shite, ya bastads. Wuz’re not frit o’ that loosy Mackem lot. Or Sturk. Gan yem, man, before yiz gets a purk in the eye, like. I’m the cock o’ the waaaalk, man, me like.”

Mike Ashley (94) is uncomfortably close to Rangers.

Man U Still Odds-On to Lose to City at Wembley – by Rob Atkinson

homer_simpson_manchester_united

It’s delicately poised in the League Cup semi-final as Sunderland take a narrow 2-1 lead to the Theatre of Hollow Myths in a fortnight. It’s all up for grabs as to who will get to Wembley to get stuffed by City in what will be seen, now that Man U are out of the FA Cup, as the most glamorous domestic cup final of the season.

This was a tense and scrappy affair, with the Pride of Devon at least able to claim the goal of the evening with Vidic’s header after the interval equalising a Giggs own goal in the first period.

The decisive moment came when ex-City flyer Adam Johnson surged into the Man U area where he was felled by Cleverley. Amazingly, the penalty was given, despite the fact that both Giggs and Rafael were on hand to explain politely to the ref that when Man U are playing, it’s never a penalty against them unless somebody is actually killed. Rafael picked up a yellow card for childish petulance.

Borini converted the spot kick, beating de Gea all ends up – though to be fair, how much penalty practice do Man U keepers get? Rafael was slightly lucky shortly after his petulance booking to escape a second yellow after a blatant foul on goalscorer Borini. The young Brazilian was only spared when the ref noticed what badge he was wearing.

So a narrow lead for Sunderland which they will do well to hang onto in the return leg. The tie is delicately poised at 2-1, but with the possibility of injuries clearing up for Man U and the probability of a penalty or two, you’d have to rank the Pride of Devon as marginal favourites to get handsomely thumped by Manchester’s finest in the showpiece at Wembley.

Proud Dad Suárez Bites Back at the Double as Liverpool Resume Premier Challenge – by Rob Atkinson

Suárez dedicates goal to new baby son Benja

Suárez dedicates goal to new baby son Benja

The footballer so many love to hate, nasty Suárez, “racist” Suárez, mad-dog Suárez, call him what you like (and the sanctimonious tendency among football fans need no undue persuasion) showed a soft and squishy side to his nature after his comeback goal on Sunday, the first of a brace which helped resurgent Liverpool dispatch rock-bottom Sunderland.  After tapping the ball into the Wearsiders’ net to make the score 2-0 to the Reds, Luis Suárez raised his Liverpool top to reveal an undershirt with the legend “Welcome Benja” inscribed thereon; a warm “Hello, son” to his new baby boy, born last Thursday.

It’s a heart-warming tale, but nevertheless many will maintain the set of their lips in a thin, disapproving line.  Bad boy Luis has been a sinner many times since his entrance into English football, but it’s also the case that he’s provided many illuminating moments of skill amounting to genius.  The more tolerant in the football family might find it in their forgiving natures to concede that the balance is marginally on the credit side of the ledger.  Though his sins are like scarlet, or at least like a Liverpool red, yet shall they be as white as snow.  Or so the Good Book sort of says.

It was the striking partner of Suárez who came closest to “sinner” status at the Stadium of Light, the ball flying in for Liverpool’s opener, not as intended off Daniel Sturridge’s head, but rather off the top of his arm.  It was deemed an accidental contact, the goal stood and Liverpool were on their way to a victory that became less comfortable the longer the match went on.  Sturridge it was who provided the cross for the second goal, darting into a half yard of space near the goal-line to spear a low cross which Suárez, Johnny-on-the-spot, buried with ease.  Sunderland had contributed plenty of effort to the first half, playing a high pressing game, and the two incisions which saw them behind at the interval were perhaps slightly rough justice.

In the second half, Sunderland’s hard work continued and eventually earned them a glimmer of hope when ex-Black Cat Simon Mignolet in the Liverpool goal could only parry a stinging shot from outside the area. Emanuele Giaccherini snapped up the resulting rebound chance with glee and Sunderland were back in business.  The home side were reinvigorated by the breakthrough, as tends to be the case and a new purpose showed in their attacking play. Liverpool were pressed back for a spell and endured their most worrying period of the match, until a swift break saw Sturridge in space on the left, enabling him to pull the ball back from the byline for that man Suárez to apply a deadly finish and wrap the proceedings up at 3-1.

Of the main title contenders, it’s been a good weekend for Arsenal and Liverpool, not so good for Spurs and Chelsea and pretty disastrous for Manchester City.  Unbeaten Everton still lurk around unbeaten, threatening to gatecrash the elite pack.  It promises to be a tight race for the honours at the top of the Premier League – and Liverpool, with Suárez ebullient, seem determined to have a big say right to the end, just as in the old days.  For managerless Sunderland, rooted to the top-flight basement with just one solitary point to show for the season so far, the future looks a whole lot bleaker.