In yet another Elland Road exclusive, the Mirror can disclose that the latest high-profile star to turn his back on the troubled West Yorkshire giants is expected finally to depart the club today.
Your Sensational Soaraway Mirror (Ed: is this soaraway thing OK, or is it already in use??) has been keeping a close eye on developments at Leeds over the past few months, and has been able to keep their long-suffering fans up to date with what is rapidly becoming a summer of humiliation for the once-mighty “Lilywhites” (check if this is actually Leeds, or just Spurs or someone – Ed.)
Only yesterday, we reported the latest in a series of embarrassing cost-cutting measures, with players being required to bring packed lunches, wash their own kit, pay to train and hire the stadium for home matches whilst coughing up for travel and overnight stays on away trips. Your ever-reliable Mirror* has also charted the inevitable departures from the club, faithfully reporting the exit of Ross McCormack to Newcastle, Norwich and Fulham for a fee of £6m, £8m and ten MILLION pounds.
Now, in the most worrying development yet, the Mirror understands that the transfer of Embargo, a tricky Brazilian international playmaker, is set to be confirmed today, in the latest shattering blow to the crisis-torn club’s already slender hopes for the coming season. The burning question is: how much more are the worried fans of Leeds United actually prepared to take?? (Ed: could we stretch this to a double-page feature – really take the piss? Who is this Embargo anyway, has he figured in the World Cup??)
With the loss of Embargo, the Leeds midfield options look to be severely limited. In an interview which took place yesterday in the head of our Chief Sportswriter, Oliver Scum, ex-Leeds star Eddie Lorimer stated: “It’s ridiculous. We were going to build a team around Embargo, and now he’s going – and we’re not even being told where.” (Ed: maybe ditch this bit and make up a Norwich connection??)
Whatever the outcome of this summer’s wheeling and dealing, it seems certain that, for Leeds United – shorn of their world-class, globally celebrated Brazilian midfield genius Embargo (Ed: steady on, old boy – we don’t even know who he is yet) – this is going to be a long, hard season, culminating in relegation, bankruptcy, administration and flats being built on the site of a demolished Elland Road. (Like it, like it!! – Ed.)
Yes, it’s party time at the Mirror. Help us celebrate folks – buy tomorrow’s paper with its 28-page pullout on “The Death of Leeds United”. Yippee!!!!
* Mirror: means of seeing everything back-to-front and the wrong way round.