Mirror Reports Brazilian International is Latest to Quit Leeds – by Rob Atkinson

Brazilian midfield genius Embargo - leaving Leeds

Brazilian midfield genius Embargo – leaving Leeds

In yet another Elland Road exclusive, the Mirror can disclose that the latest high-profile star to turn his back on the troubled West Yorkshire giants is expected finally to depart the club today.

Your Sensational Soaraway Mirror (Ed: is this soaraway thing OK, or is it already in use??) has been keeping a close eye on developments at Leeds over the past few months, and has been able to keep their long-suffering fans up to date with what is rapidly becoming a summer of humiliation for the once-mighty “Lilywhites” (check if this is actually Leeds, or just Spurs or someone – Ed.)

Only yesterday, we reported the latest in a series of embarrassing cost-cutting measures, with players being required to bring packed lunches, wash their own kit, pay to train and hire the stadium for home matches whilst coughing up for travel and overnight stays on away trips. Your ever-reliable Mirror* has also charted the inevitable departures from the club, faithfully reporting the exit of Ross McCormack to Newcastle, Norwich and Fulham for a fee of £6m, £8m and ten MILLION pounds.

Now, in the most worrying development yet, the Mirror understands that the transfer of Embargo, a tricky Brazilian international playmaker, is set to be confirmed today, in the latest shattering blow to the crisis-torn club’s already slender hopes for the coming season. The burning question is: how much more are the worried fans of Leeds United actually prepared to take??  (Ed: could we stretch this to a double-page feature – really take the piss? Who is this Embargo anyway, has he figured in the World Cup??)

With the loss of Embargo, the Leeds midfield options look to be severely limited. In an interview which took place yesterday in the head of our Chief Sportswriter, Oliver Scum, ex-Leeds star Eddie Lorimer stated: “It’s ridiculous. We were going to build a team around Embargo, and now he’s going – and we’re not even being told where.” (Ed: maybe ditch this bit and make up a Norwich connection??)

Whatever the outcome of this summer’s wheeling and dealing, it seems certain that, for Leeds United – shorn of their world-class, globally celebrated Brazilian midfield genius Embargo (Ed: steady on, old boy – we don’t even know who he is yet) – this is going to be a long, hard season, culminating in relegation, bankruptcy, administration and flats being built on the site of a demolished Elland Road. (Like it, like it!! – Ed.)

Yes, it’s party time at the Mirror. Help us celebrate folks – buy tomorrow’s paper with its 28-page pullout on “The Death of Leeds United”. Yippee!!!!

* Mirror: means of seeing everything back-to-front and the wrong way round.

31 responses to “Mirror Reports Brazilian International is Latest to Quit Leeds – by Rob Atkinson

  1. Unfortunately the flats cannot be built, it is now a home for retired Fiat owners.


  2. Ropey Wyla

    Love the mirror definition at the end of the piece, such irony


  3. Counte Of Monte Fisto

    Be careful Rob many of our fans are behaving daftly enough to believe this. Reading the YP/YEP many are even moaning that Kenny and Zailukas are being offloaded.

    Great spoof by the way, oh its not a spoof, great summary of the way the media works against us.

    I even the read the BBC ceefax todays gossip bit and they were quoting the sandwiches / kit thing based on Metro as a source. This is an internet todger site, its not a real news outlet.

    Everyone hates us yet we continue to figt and argue amongst ourselves, sad difference to our last soiree in the 2nd div where we banded together and made ER a hellish place to visit. oh for the 80’s at a time like this


  4. Wont be buying a season ticket now, Embargo was our only hope !!! Lol


  5. The Mirror seem to be in a Leeds frenzy at the moment, reporting the packed lunch/wash your own kit story – and then stating “the squad is currently training in the Italian Lakes” which seems to contradict the draconian cost saving claims.


  6. Funny funny funny it’s a shame my skin is thicker then there heads after ten years of pain it’s going to take more than some rag to upset me. In a strange way I’m actually looking forward to this season and I don’t no why maybe it’s all the doom and gloom wich makes a change from all the hype wich normally only last till Christmas at best then the wheels fall off MOT


  7. I see word is that McContract has handed in a transfer request. Could this spark a bidding frenzy from some of the Prem’s bottom feeders. I’d like to see him go to the Mags or Spam, both to limit his impact on our division ( he’s a good Championship player ) and to give him his chance in the Prem ( don’t think he’s good enough )

    Also see that Warnock & Kenny are set to follow Zaliukas out of the door. Good riddance, big earners who never really performed. For years we have needed a massive shake up and now we are getting one the moaners are out in force. Div. 1 here we come, apparently. Let’s wait to see who comes in now that Embargo is on his way


  8. wetherby white

    devastated about Embargo, great speed and ability, little slow on defensive duties. In fact Ive not been so disappointed since we signed Carlton Palmer-no hang on-nothing was as bad as that!


  9. Just a quickie – looking at the ‘photo gallery from the Italian training camp, there seem to be quite a few smiling faces amongst the players.
    Food for thought?


  10. Patrick Hogan

    The reality is even worse than that Rob. In a tip off from the Mail I heard that Cellino had agreed to sign Insigne from Napoli for £15m and had put £2m down but couldn’t complete the deal due to the transfer embargo. I rang Insigne’s agent who said he knew nothing about it and that the player was just carrying on as normal, but that he would check his bank account when the bank opened just to make sure he hadn’t missed anything.


  11. Embargo was a fantastic player……..a very sad day………………seriously Rob if you got a few mates to mention this on Twitter you probably would get articles being written up and you probably could fake a football player without the useless Sports hacks realizing….


  12. On TalkSport yesterday morning, Alan Brazil spent 5 minutes talking about the Mirror’s ‘report’, and seriously criticising the club. Sadly, there will be a number who want to believe the comments, and others who are intellectually challenged, so to hear it being discussed by an ex-footballer (who didn’t question the facts/circumstances) will give some form of credence to a low-life rag. I just hope that potential targets are not put off by some of the ‘reporting’ going on at the moment.


    • I amazed talk sport mentioned Leeds on a week day it’s normally only on the warm up cos james browns a leeds fan mind u it is slagging leeds off which is different


    • Alan Brazil = massive scum fan


  13. Whatever his failings, Embargo brought much needed stability to a club which has seen precious little in recent years. I wonder if we’ll miss him now that the dross is moving on.


  14. sniffershorts

    bye bye baby, bye bye baby bye byeeee, bye bye baby, our bay city roller if defo off. at least he has handed in a request, not as tight as I thought and forgoes any kick back. will disappointed if he goes sideways and stays in our league …. mid league Newts best bet …. if he goes to Fulham me and me uncle Ron will aving a word or two ….. eat your calaloni joe, shut upa your face, or errrr words to that effect grrrrrr still couple of great seasons 350k to 10 mil no brainer, take the money , open the box , take the money


  15. And then when there is nothing left to remember Leeds Utd but ashes and scavenging hounds………………………..

    Ahhhhh – the Daily (smoke and ) Mirror. Only one step from the end of the road itself I hear. The Brothers Grimm are way ahead of this rag in the realm of fairy tails.


  16. well after 45 years of supporting leeds i have the worst feeling ever, in fact ill be very very surprised if we stay up, correctly the shit is being kicked out, these need replacing with at least 5 good players , so far its being ran by the forest green manager, a free signing who couldnt cut it at pymouth or dover, and a host of serie b players mentioned, if its true mcormacks going for 8 mill this needs to be spent immediateley on 4 prem or top championship players, will it ? i doubt it, you need steel and fight to get out this division ie batty ninnie jones type one or two of these needed will the italians be up for it , were everyones bloody cup final they all want to beat leeds from what we were years ago and its still the same , we need tough rock defenders in the middle , fast breakaway winger some guile in the middle and 2 strickers if mcormack is going these are the obvious if this lot is second rate or cheap versions- WERE DOWN ! and ross wont be there to knock in 30 goals either cos without him we d of gone down , no two ways about it, hope that hockaday knows what we expect cos if it int there after 5 games there ll be trouble at mill – BIG TIME !


  17. stretch4leeds

    Apparently Hunt’s brother Izaac is coming in to fill the hole he comes highly recommended by his similar namesake at the Mirror!


  18. Ian finlay

    Hi rob I’ve heard Embargo’s heading north, as he’s heard there’s lots of jobs in jeopardy !!!!! MOT


  19. Reblogged this on Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything and commented:

    Embargo Gone??


  20. ha someones changed Oliver Holts wikipedia to say hes a Stockport fan.
    Everyone knows hes the biggest manure fan this side of Terry Christian & Gary Neville


  21. S J Dobson

    Ken Bates had a genius for ensuring that any future owner of the club would seek to milk the club by spending as little as possible on the football club and maximising his profit., via on-site, property- development.

    The only way out is to establish a consortium of LEEDS UNITED and make the current owner an offer he can’t refuse.



  22. ugandanleedsman

    Rob, The Mirror’s crack investigative journalists failed to alert the general public on the dangers posed by Rolf Harris and other household celebrities, some now departed. They have also not shed any light on how the squad got to Italy. Did they hitchhike all the way? Will they be pitching tents in a common close to their training camp? Or if we are as skint as they keep telling the wider public, sleeping al fresco?


  23. And now we have the Manchester guardian saying cellino wants rid of kenny because he’s born on the 17th

    Nothing to do with his total lack of professionalism in coming back to training looking like a cross between shaun ryder and demi russos, no siree


Leave a Reply - Publication at Site owner's Discretion

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.