Daily Archives: 10/02/2015

Leeds Away Clean Sheet and Balotelli Goal: Fraud Squad Alerted – by Rob Atkinson

Reading 0, Leeds United 2

In a sensational evening’s football, Leeds United have risen to the dizzy heights of 17th in the Championship, with the former TwitterWhites Luke Murphy Hate Squad suddenly unanimous in their passionate desire to bear his babies.

On a night when Mario Balotelli actually scored a goal, QPR actually won away and – miracle of miracles – Leeds United absolutely kept a clean sheet away from home, the bookies have confirmed that they escaped bankruptcy only on account of one man’s acca falling at the last hurdle. The un-named punter, from Pontefract in West Yorkshire, was on course for an eight-figure payout – but lost out ultimately, when a huge meteor failed to strike and demolish Old Trafford.

Given the unlikely events that did happen, it is thought that the Serious Fraud Office were on full alert. A spokesman confirmed “If Steve Morison had scored – the only event quoted at longer odds than the meteor thing – we’d definitely have had some questions. As it is, we’ll just put it down to the biggest shock since Giggs won a Sports Personality award – without actually having one.”

The Leeds win, sealed by a late header from Sam Byram, along with another spawny away victory for Millwall, nicely sets up Saturday’s Elland Road encounter between the two sides. That game is already arousing the usual high level of anticipation, particularly on the Millwall side – where the fixture against the Yorkshire giants is acknowledged as the lovable cockneys’ Cup Final. Interest is such that the away team are expected to be backed by up to a dozen loyal followers, who are expected to show unstinting support by quivering in a corner of the West Stand and keeping really quiet.

Other results on Tuesday evening went Leeds’ way, with Charlton, Rotherham and Fulham all losing, allowing the Whites to overhaul them. United now find themselves in nosebleed territory, with the chance to consolidate a gap between themselves and the bottom three, if they can take the three points on offer against Miwwwaww at Elland Road. It’s a challenge that our heroes dare not shirk, with far more difficult fixtures to come afterwards.

For now, though, Leeds fans everywhere can relax slightly, having seen a job well done at Reading. Two goals and that precious defensive shut-out, have left everything in the garden looking, if not exactly rosy, then a blooming sight healthier than it did in the aftermath of Brentford and Mr Salisbury’s disgraceful refereeing performance.

It’s been a good day for your Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything correspondent, with Leeds winning and the lesser Yorkshire clubs comically losing – and a few days break in a fashionable West Coast resort now beckons. Then, it’ll be business as usual on Friday, ahead of Saturday and that notoriously nawty bunch of Lahndan scamps.

Bring it on.