Leeds Away Clean Sheet and Balotelli Goal: Fraud Squad Alerted – by Rob Atkinson


Reading 0, Leeds United 2

In a sensational evening’s football, Leeds United have risen to the dizzy heights of 17th in the Championship, with the former TwitterWhites Luke Murphy Hate Squad suddenly unanimous in their passionate desire to bear his babies.

On a night when Mario Balotelli actually scored a goal, QPR actually won away and – miracle of miracles – Leeds United absolutely kept a clean sheet away from home, the bookies have confirmed that they escaped bankruptcy only on account of one man’s acca falling at the last hurdle. The un-named punter, from Pontefract in West Yorkshire, was on course for an eight-figure payout – but lost out ultimately, when a huge meteor failed to strike and demolish Old Trafford.

Given the unlikely events that did happen, it is thought that the Serious Fraud Office were on full alert. A spokesman confirmed “If Steve Morison had scored – the only event quoted at longer odds than the meteor thing – we’d definitely have had some questions. As it is, we’ll just put it down to the biggest shock since Giggs won a Sports Personality award – without actually having one.”

The Leeds win, sealed by a late header from Sam Byram, along with another spawny away victory for Millwall, nicely sets up Saturday’s Elland Road encounter between the two sides. That game is already arousing the usual high level of anticipation, particularly on the Millwall side – where the fixture against the Yorkshire giants is acknowledged as the lovable cockneys’ Cup Final. Interest is such that the away team are expected to be backed by up to a dozen loyal followers, who are expected to show unstinting support by quivering in a corner of the West Stand and keeping really quiet.

Other results on Tuesday evening went Leeds’ way, with Charlton, Rotherham and Fulham all losing, allowing the Whites to overhaul them. United now find themselves in nosebleed territory, with the chance to consolidate a gap between themselves and the bottom three, if they can take the three points on offer against Miwwwaww at Elland Road. It’s a challenge that our heroes dare not shirk, with far more difficult fixtures to come afterwards.

For now, though, Leeds fans everywhere can relax slightly, having seen a job well done at Reading. Two goals and that precious defensive shut-out, have left everything in the garden looking, if not exactly rosy, then a blooming sight healthier than it did in the aftermath of Brentford and Mr Salisbury’s disgraceful refereeing performance.

It’s been a good day for your Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything correspondent, with Leeds winning and the lesser Yorkshire clubs comically losing – and a few days break in a fashionable West Coast resort now beckons. Then, it’ll be business as usual on Friday, ahead of Saturday and that notoriously nawty bunch of Lahndan scamps.

Bring it on.

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26 responses to “Leeds Away Clean Sheet and Balotelli Goal: Fraud Squad Alerted – by Rob Atkinson

  1. AllWhiteNow

    Back on form Rob! Laugh, we all went fookin mental! ! Reading were poor and so were we until the Murphy wonder strike and then we rolled right over them. Oh what fun it is to see United win away, hey! ! šŸ˜€

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  2. Oh it is so wonderful to find you in such a positive, jovial mood!

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  3. “….Giggs won a sports personality award – without actually having one.”. A true gem. Surprising that the BBC sycophants didn’t notice this anomaly.

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  4. Just shows what we are capable of when the Referee is not a complete w**ker. Without Graham Salisbury’s dreadful and frustrating ‘performance’ on Saturday we could have been looking at 4…yes Four straight wins and the play offs teams would be looking over their shoulders and pooing their panties. But because Salisbury the tos*er refused to give Austin a penalty before half time, we are still looking at the relegation end team’s results and feeling disappointed that Millwall won at Birmingham. I know its only 3 points but its actually a lot more than that in this context. Delighted as I am with an away win tonight, I am still partially gutted by Saturday’s tw*t of a referee and on Sunday I went to the Club shop to buy a reduced price item of LUFC clothing in order to bring about a change of luck. I very, very infrequently visit the overpriced tat shop but I had to do something. So I spent Ā£9 on a tracksuit top that was Ā£36 at Christmas. Not bad eh? And an away win and a clean sheet follow within days….get in. Anyone who says we weren’t good enough v Bournemouth is a twit. The ref stifled and frustrated any momentum we had. 1.0 to Graham Salisbury.

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    • Bugger. I do HATE to miss a bargain šŸ˜³

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      • JoeNamath

        Only problem is it looks more Man City or Coventry with its pale blue stripe detail. But at Ā£9 who cares. The one Redfearn wears is still Ā£40.

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    • You’re right Joe. That bastard Salisbury’s shocker could prove VERY costly to us. If we HAD beaten Brentford (and him), we’d only be 14 points behind them with 48 still to play for.
      I know snatching a play-off spot would be an outlandish dream, but while it’s still possible I won’t be giving up like Peter Lorimer shamefully did a couple of weeks ago in his YEP column. Keep Fighting!

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  5. Great win tonight rob , I’ll be there on Saturday followed by a night at the Leeds arena to watch the Kaizer Chiefs (Mrs o’s choice) and then for some romance in a hotel to celebrate valentines day which also happens to be Mrs o’s birthday , so the millscum better not spoil my day Grrrr

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    • Sounds like you’re nailed on for a hat trick Mr O šŸ˜Š Can we agree now that you’ll predict a defeat and I’ll go for the win? Worked tonight šŸ‘

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  6. Its nice to have a drink to celebrate for a change Rob. YEEEEHAAA

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  7. Schadenfreude holds not much joy. We won but so did the Wallies! It’s all to play for on Saturday. ‘Enjoy your break on the west coast (Blackpool!), Rob, and get back, refreshed, to report on a positive result.

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  8. Robskibeat

    I genuinely ‘lolled’ 3 times at this on the coach to work. Being a miserable sod, a few people thought I might be having a fit. Can’t beat a clean sheet and a win away at Reading, that’s utterly insane. Solid performance last night but sounded lacklustre first half, the commentators sounded like they couldn’t be assed, the players sounded bored, even the post couldn’t be bothered with Morisons effort but Mr Murphy does love a Tuesday night piledriver and we never looked back. Can’t lose on Sat. Providing we don’t, it’s all looking rather rosy again.

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  9. sniffershorts

    I think I touched cloth last night …. I definitely passed some wee…. I was working in Reading yesterday as I was driving I cursed it out loud and imagined an away win , I was also busting for a wee so stopped down a side rd and did my gypsy load against a borough of Reading street sign chanting eyes rolled back in my head …….. Win win win ……… What a jolly band show sex and drugs and rock and roll what can I do to curse the miwwwwawwwa

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  10. BITESYERLEGS 74

    Rob, you will be pleased to know that I will not be predicting a 5-0 win for us this Saturday, as it seemed to put the mockers on things a bit, I’ll leave that stuff to Mystic Meg. I shall be keeping shtum and keeping everything crossed. I am VERY interested in this Old Trafford/Meteor thing though, I might have a punt . . . . Skin em up!

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  11. RoystonLUFC

    ooh yes, excellent result last night. Not only Millwall: bring on the world – they’ve all tried to screw us and they’re failing; we are invincible.

    My only concern during this reverie is the crazy naming policy pursued by our superstitious MC. He’s obviously selected a British Leyland-themed slant on the selection of our players. So we have Austin, Cooper, Morrison and a load of Itals. Problem is it’s having a constricting effect on our recruitment drive. I’m struggling to find a decent winger named Wolseley, and I certainly don’t think a Midget would offer much back-up to Cani. But I have to say that last night’s Triumph was more than welcome after our Minor setback last Saturday.

    Let’s hope we stay up this season and we can say Tata to Millwall forever.

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