Cellino Early Favourite to Replace Blatter as FIFA Chief   –   by Rob Atkinson


Blatter: Exit stage right

In the wake of Sepp Blatter‘s sensational resignation as President of FIFA, only days after his re-election to a fifth term – the immediate favourite to replace the outgoing Swiss administrator and notorious crook is – unsurprisingly – notorious crook and soon-to-be-banned Leeds United owner, Massimo Cellino.

A FIFA insider, speaking on a lobby basis exclusively to Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything, confirmed that Cellino’s name was the one on everyone’s lips in the corridors of power at football’s governing body. “Signor Cellino is well thought-of here,” insisted our source. “Many people believe that he is the man most likely to uphold the finest traditions of FIFA and, more importantly, oversee the crucial cover-ups that will be needed quite shortly.”

It is not yet clear why Mr. Blatter has resigned, although people close to him are whispering the words “rumbled at long last”. FIFA will be in need of a man who is used to dealing in the many and various ways in which football and other spheres of public life can be disgraced, brought into disrepute, fixed, manipulated through bribery and generally bent out of shape. These exacting requirements are thought to boil down to a short-list of one, with other feasible candidates being either locked up in jail (Carson Yeung), busy as dictators (Cameron and Kim Jong Un), too old (Ken Bates) or too dead (Thatcher). As far as can be seen for now, Cellino is the only man with the track record and moral fibre to fill the shoes of such a monumental shyster as Blatter.

Leeds United FC had no comment to make beyond a tersely-worded short statement as follows: “Thank chuff for that.”

Massimo Cellino is as honest as the day is long.  In the vicinity of the North Pole at the Winter Solstice. 

22 responses to “Cellino Early Favourite to Replace Blatter as FIFA Chief   –   by Rob Atkinson

  1. You forgot to mention GFH or Ray Tinkler but very funny, he’d get my vote.


  2. mad as hell manc white

    Oh rob pure class and so true.


  3. Mark benson

    The Internet rumour mill is in overdrive now rob. apparently sources close to blatter (the f.b.i.) are claiming he is looking to buy a football club in Yorkshire with good access to the M62 motorway. he’s looking at one in particular which he refers to having ” all the listening devices from the boardroom removed, more secrecy than my personal accounts and a ready made scapegoat already incarcerated in a Dubai jail”. Jack Warner will be announced as team manager indefinately as soon as Mr. Blatter can secure the funds from F.I.F.A.s bank vaults. mot.


  4. Philip of Spain.

    I also hear that there are two further candidates coming up quickly on the rails,Eric Pickles,who stated his fee would be rejected in place of pies.The other,who is on a zero hours contract ( according to him) Boris the Berk Johnson.They both have great credentials with a similar amount of bullshit coming out of their mouths as Blatter.


  5. Massimo would do a great job, with Ken Bates as his assistant!
    Next world cup – on the Sun!!


  6. I feel your pain Rob, these arsholes have userped the glourious game. They think they are playing the Great Game of all ages, but the reallity is they are thick as pig shit. sorry to be so blunt but the anger is stated honestly and from the heart.

    Not everything is Black and White… things seen in a different light, from a new perspective, will show these parasites for what they are… and they should be very afraid, because they are acting in full view of the fans.

    This game is Magic and they can not own it!

    Leeds United is bigger than all the ‘Massimio’s’
    who’s power is dependant on money, and the ‘Blatters’ who can’t see that the people no longer believe in the Emperors new clothes.

    The game is up.

    Massimo fears the number 17. Well massimo I’ve got news for you. Add another 300 and you will be on the way to seeing why you are hated.

    Add another 5000 and you will see exactly WHAT Leeds United fans and ALL football fans are sick of…


    p.s. its that calculator thing again rob 🙂


  7. Michel Dyson

    Ha ha! He’s the obvious candidate. If Cellino is so rich,why does he always bring in bargain basement foreigners? You only had to see how the teams who did well had a unity and will to win that we were sadly lacking..


  8. Kevin Wilson

    Could be worse Rob- Blatter to put in a bid to buy Leeds!


  9. Graham Atkinson

    If only Rob, but we can dream ! By the way its going to be scorching in your neck of the Riviera by the weekend, its pissing it down here !


  10. Very droll as per, Rob!
    Our illustrious leader is soon facing another trial in Italy. Given he retains the worst lawyer in the world and therefore can confidently expect another conviction, how long will we have to wait for the verdict and inevitable Football league banning order? (I can’t remember the time frames from the last conviction).
    While the whole scenario is darkly humorous, it would be much more amusing if it were being played out at say, Old Trafford or Stamford Bridge.
    I didn’t think the Club could be hijacked again for one man’s personal gratification after Bates sold out, but Massimo is out-Kenning Ken like I never believed possible.


  11. Volte-face?


  12. Can’t even laugh anymore…complete and utter disaster with that nutter Cellino. ..let’s hope he gets banned and sells up and pisses off


  13. Mark benson

    How’s blatter leaving going to effect hunslets bid for the 2026 world cup? mot


  14. Won’t make no difference, will just get some other venal gravy train riding tosser in to replace blatter.

    Getting fifa members to vote in someone to root out coruption would be like getting turkeys to vote for a 2nd christmas.


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