Daily Archives: 27/05/2016

Now Mickey Mouse Turns Down Cellino and Leeds United   –   by Rob Atkinson

In the latest twist to the Leeds United managerial saga, Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything can reveal that yet another household name has turned down the chance to take over at Elland Road.

The latest in a growing list of potential Leeds managers to decide his future lies elsewhere is Disney legend Mickey Mouse. We understand that Mr. Mouse was approached earlier this week by United owner Massimo Cellino, who told the popular cartoon rodent that Leeds was “With me in charge, a club with your name written all over it, my friend”.

Asked about his reasons for turning down this fabulous opportunity, Mr. Mouse was reticent. “I can’t say too much, as I understand personal friends of mine could also be in line for this job. But it just wasn’t right for me at this time. I’ve not been that busy lately, and I’m really looking for something slightly longer term than the next week or so that Massimo was talking about. But I appreciate his interest in me, and I wish him and Leeds well in the future”.

Cellino himself remains defiant and insists he still has “many special options”. Rumours that Miss Piggy is a candidate appear to be wide of the mark, as she has been linked with a position working under Prime Minister David Cameron on several highly sensitive projects including acting as a mouthpiece at the PM’s pleasure. The Chuckle Brothers, astrologer Russell Grant and Penelope Pitstop’s arch-nemesis, The Hooded Claw, are other names being spoken of in informed circles. But, despite his outward show of bravado, it is believed that the failure to reach agreement with Mickey Mouse has hit Cellino particularly hard, and he is now expected to spend the weekend contemplating more fibs about the possible sale of the club before launching into another impassioned rant on Monday.

The latest betting odds for next permanent (periods over 24 hours) Leeds manager reflect the uncertainty of this market. Current incumbent Steve Evans is still available at 5000/1, attracting sizeable punts from a Mr. C Ranieri of Leicester as well as an un-named former England striker. Evans’ current situation is described by the man himself as “deeply hurt but still pathetically eager”.

Massimo Cellino is a complete and utter lunatic.