Now Mickey Mouse Turns Down Cellino and Leeds United   –   by Rob Atkinson


In the latest twist to the Leeds United managerial saga, Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything can reveal that yet another household name has turned down the chance to take over at Elland Road.

The latest in a growing list of potential Leeds managers to decide his future lies elsewhere is Disney legend Mickey Mouse. We understand that Mr. Mouse was approached earlier this week by United owner Massimo Cellino, who told the popular cartoon rodent that Leeds was “With me in charge, a club with your name written all over it, my friend”.

Asked about his reasons for turning down this fabulous opportunity, Mr. Mouse was reticent. “I can’t say too much, as I understand personal friends of mine could also be in line for this job. But it just wasn’t right for me at this time. I’ve not been that busy lately, and I’m really looking for something slightly longer term than the next week or so that Massimo was talking about. But I appreciate his interest in me, and I wish him and Leeds well in the future”.

Cellino himself remains defiant and insists he still has “many special options”. Rumours that Miss Piggy is a candidate appear to be wide of the mark, as she has been linked with a position working under Prime Minister David Cameron on several highly sensitive projects including acting as a mouthpiece at the PM’s pleasure. The Chuckle Brothers, astrologer Russell Grant and Penelope Pitstop’s arch-nemesis, The Hooded Claw, are other names being spoken of in informed circles. But, despite his outward show of bravado, it is believed that the failure to reach agreement with Mickey Mouse has hit Cellino particularly hard, and he is now expected to spend the weekend contemplating more fibs about the possible sale of the club before launching into another impassioned rant on Monday.

The latest betting odds for next permanent (periods over 24 hours) Leeds manager reflect the uncertainty of this market. Current incumbent Steve Evans is still available at 5000/1, attracting sizeable punts from a Mr. C Ranieri of Leicester as well as an un-named former England striker. Evans’ current situation is described by the man himself as “deeply hurt but still pathetically eager”.

Massimo Cellino is a complete and utter lunatic.

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40 responses to “Now Mickey Mouse Turns Down Cellino and Leeds United   –   by Rob Atkinson

  1. And now Sheridan has joined notts county. DOES THIS TELL YOU SOMETHING CELLINO? Even hockaday would knock you back now you sad prick. I know you and your dysfunctional despicable sons read the comments,so do everyone a favour and sell up along with gfh.

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  2. I dread to think which poor bugger is going to end up with this poisoned chalice!

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  3. LeedsLennie

    Wonder what Mike Bassett is doing these days, Rob?. Just a thought…

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  4. Duane Gill

    Rob,

    Brilliant tongue in cheek post but wholly appropriate. The sooner the Italian clown sells up the better. I may even dust off my Football Manager CV and apply for the job myself since Cellino feels practically anyone can be head coach. In saying that though I could never be a sycophant which is seemingly a huge job requirement of Cellino’s.

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  5. Ropey Wyla

    I hear Mr. Blobby is out of work……

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  6. Karl Major

    This can only be good news, the more decent folk who turn him down the better. Eventually even his ego might realise that his methods are rubbish and won’t work at LEEDS.
    Sell up and piss off Massimo.
    MOT

    Liked by 1 person

  7. mrbigwheels

    You forgot to mention Mickey Mouse and all the other potentials including ‘the special one’, haven’t got any ‘balls’… precluding them from any kind of involvement with Mr (I’ve got big ones) Cellino.
    Mr Evans is still checking his, but needs a further week to fully assess… in case the call to duty ‘arises’.

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  8. Thing is that the only way to deal with this farce to end all farces, is through humour. It’s all we’ve got left. Cellino has taken and will proceed to take everything else. Just hope he can’t entice anyone to be his latest watermelon. What the fuck would he do then?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The problem we have with Cellino is this……….Allegedly He is a massive coke head and he’s now a proper psycho. I am aware of one of his recent interviews for the new head coach where he was off his head!!!!!
    Its a desperate situation. the bloke needs to sell but only to the right people.
    Meanwhile how and it pains me to say this but I cant support him by attending the games.
    I feel sick
    ps What a way to treat Steve Evans. not sure he’s a great manager but you cant fault his passion for the club

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Wouldn’t rule out Miss Piggy just yet, Rob. Only a muppet would take the job, after all. CELLINO OUT.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Totally agree with you the sooner the clown does one the better what I can’t understand is that 10 thousand of my brother and sister have signed up to his lunacy which is even more mental then the mad man himself

    Liked by 1 person

  12. sniffersshorts

    Ryan Giggs is a free agent (sic)

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  13. Excellent and eloquent well researched article Rob. A tower of journalism brilliantly reflecting the utter shambolic circumstances.
    I also have breaking news on good account that Mr Cellino was also rejected by the entire coaching term of Warner Bros Utd. Although a source close to the firm revealed, off the record, that Mr Daffy Duck was seriously considering taking up Mr Cellino’s offer until Mr Bug Bunny with the assistance of Mr Elmer Fudd [allegedly with shotgun] quietly advised him to reconsider.
    Rumour now has it that Mr Cellino is undeterred and is set to appoint his two sons respectively as Head Coach and Assistant Coach. Mr Cellino is said to have been impressed with how the two conducted themselves in the past year at leads and is quoted as ranting “melons don’t fall far from the tree I thinks” and puffing on his cig continued with “what makes a gooda Sheriff is her deputies.”

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  14. Wrt him being a massive coke head, (allegedly), I can categorically state I have heard no such rumour. I came to that conclusion all by myself.

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  15. I defended Cellino initially, I love this club but he’s made us a joke, turned down by MK & Bristol managers, my god poor Revie RIP

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  16. As much as Massimo Cellunatic would like to sack Steve Evans , he could be the only option in the end.

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  17. IAIN ALCORN

    I am still waiting until there is an actual appointment before making any judgement.
    I have long since stopped believing anything, and l do mean anything that l read in the press. Everything they print is speculation on their part, designed sell their story, more often than not without there being any semblence of truth. How many players have we been chasing. How many managers have we offered the job to ? Almost certainly none, yet the papers say we have as a fact. Asking to talk to some one is not the same as offering the job. None of the names bandied in my opinion have been remotely good enough for what we need, and hardly a special manager that MC is “reported” to have said he wants.
    As l said l will wait to see who is appointed before making judgement , and hope the he has eventually learned his lesson and will appoint someone with experience and stature.

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  18. Eddiegraysshoulderdrop

    Hi Rob hope you and the family are well. The circus that is our beloved Leeds Utd lurch from one farce to another, truth is word is out on Cellino, he has treated too many good people connected with Leeds Utd shabbily, the football world has realised what we, who have the club at our heart already know, this man is a nutter and any association with him will damage your stock!! I know for a fact Gary Rowett was approached last summer, his answer? Leeds Utd hell yes, Cellino fu*k no!!! We could do worse than keep Evans, he won me over despite referring to himself in the 3rd person and all the references to Celtic (WATP). Still my season ticket has been renewed my 30th year, my love for Leeds Utd un-diminished and as strong as the revulsion and exasperation for the incumbent owner. Have a good summer Rob.

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    • Excellent stuff and so true. The Rowett thing is highly believable, I think people in the industry are now wise to Cellinocchio. For me – I’m too angry even to enjoy the cricket, and that’s usually the cornerstone of my summer. Thanks for commenting mate, have a good summer yourself – MOT

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    • The ‘Right Honourable’ Kenneth Bates referred to some Leeds United fans as “morons”. A great description for anyone renewing his/her LUFC season ticket for 2016/2017.

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      • I think that’s a matter for the individual. Some hold their loyalty as too high a price to pay for protest. I can understand that.

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  19. Remember Blackpool last season! We’re going the same way!
    Unless by some miracle sanity can prevail!

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  20. Due to Leeds constantly being referred to as a “circus”, I hear that Charlie Cairoli is thinking about leaving Blackpool and has applied for the Leeds job and will bring in Cuddles The Monkey, as his assistant and Bungle Bear from Rainbow, as his Fitness Coach..

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  21. I would just like to inform all intelligent Leeds fans (the overwhelming majority) that the tory party are trying to halt an investigation in election fraud in South Thanet. There are also 29 other tory MPs being investigated,but for some reason the BBC and itv aren’t reporting it. Only channel 4. Spread the word if you care! If everyone could put aside petty rivalries just until we rid this country of the vicious and evil scum who purport to govern it would be amazing.

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  22. I’ve never known a football club humiliated for such a sustained time and for so may reasons,all directly due to the chairman. What will it take before we can get rid of him? As long as he is the owner,the misery will go on and on. What happened to the days when being oiur manager was a dream job? Sad days indeed…

    Like

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