Football League to Impose 200 Mile Exclusion Zone for Argentines Around Leeds Training Ground – by Rob Atkinson


Bielsa – exclusion zone imposed

The Football League is to take a leaf out of the MoD Falklands tactical war book circa 1982 in a bid to find an appropriate sanction for the Leeds United boss Marcelo Bielsa, who has been found guilty of doing what everyone else in the game has been doing for years now.

In a move to be codenamed Operation Belgrano, Bielsa will be torpedoed and sunk if he is found to have strayed within 200 miles of United’s training complex at Thorp Arch. The decision has been warmly received among the has-been element of English football punditry, with a Mr S. Collymore taking a break from his latest anger management course to comment “Gotcha!” in an irritating Midlands accent.

The decision also affects the ability of United’s manager to be present at any of their games inside the exclusion zone, including of course the Elland Road stadium. Instead, Bielsa will control team matters remotely via a video link to be set up on an upturned bucket in the Leeds technical area.

The Football League, confirming the measure, commented: “Yes, we know that the training ground Spygate thingy has happened before, but we always, as a matter of policy, make an example of Leeds United, especially when they’re being really annoying and troublesome, as they are currently, what with being four points clear at the top and threatening to go up”.

Leeds United have declined to comment, beyond confirming that their spy has now been sacked after inaccurately describing Derby County in his report as “a football team”. However, a Mr. F. Lampard of Direby was understood to have said “Rejoice! Rejoice!!”

The average IQ of Sky Football pundits is 63.

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22 responses to “Football League to Impose 200 Mile Exclusion Zone for Argentines Around Leeds Training Ground – by Rob Atkinson

  1. Between the lines

    I find it laughable that managers allow their players to put in career threatening challenges, grapple in the penalty area, dive, time waste, feign injury in an attempt to get players booked or sent off, and pressure referees yet spying is such a crime. Maybe they have something to hide and don’t want us to see how they coach their players to really cheat.

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  2. howard mackey

    Love it Rob one thing our family have is a sense humour,all the best to you and yours.M.O.T.
    Regards H,

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  3. Brilliant but could be so believable.

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  4. Reality Cheque

    If Sky Sports pundits find Marcelo Bielsa’s methods to be “totally unacceptable” then Sky Sports must back their employee’s “valid opinions and views” and stop selecting Leeds games for live coverage forthwith.

    Why on earth should Leeds United continue to be rewarded with shed loads of money Sky Sports throw at them for every live screening? (yes I am being sarcastic Rob)

    I just hope that all the usual suspects in our local media don’t just add insult to injury by revisiting this ridiculously overblown event at Bielsa’s next press conference during which he is asked to give 48 hours notice of our line-up, players positions and guaranteed absentees to avoid our opponents needing to spy on us or even needlessly worry about which players they may be facing.

    Bielsa is performing miracles with last season’s squad, as despite an epidemic of long term injuries, (chiefly in defensive positions), our first team, U23’s and U18’s are all top of their leagues! Our academy is producing seriously amazing talent for OUR first team instead of that of our rivals.

    The Rams-gate spy incident has just made every Leeds United fan love Bielsa even more and brought out amazing humour and banter amongst our fan base. To the dismay of Frank Lampard, Jenas, Collymore etc they have unwittingly created the perfect launch pad for Leeds United’s promotion push at the perfect time for us. ALAW

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  5. oops! Bit of a typo there Rob. Should that not read ‘the Highest IQ’ re the Sky Pundicks?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Love it. We make a rule to punish Leeds. If we go up they fine us for leaving the championship

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  7. Reality Cheque

    I suspect that Frank Lampard has been secretly sending spies to watch Aston Villa training rcently if Friday night’s Derby performance was anything to go by. Titter ye not Rob.

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  8. Why doesn’t everyone embrace this spying for the hilarious episode that it is? It’s clouseau-esque really. If that photo of the lad in the back of the police van is indeed our spy then he must have stood out like a sore thumb. Writing all the way down the side of his tracky bottoms,why didn’t he wear camouflage? And why did he have a change of clothes when they only train for a few hours anyway? On a more serious note I am so sad to tea about the passing of Phil Masinga,one of a distinguished group of players from South Africa who we were lucky enough to have at Leeds United. You’re in Gods care now son. Now lets get things in perspective.

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    • Indeed. Today brought news of the passing of Waltzing Masinga and also young Toby Nye, bless him. It makes the Spygate thing look even dafter and more insignificant, in the grand scheme of things, than it really is. RIP Phil and Toby. Life is so bloody unfair.

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      • Poor little lad,absolutely heartbreaking. The tragedy of these cancer deaths is that there is an effective treatment/cure and the gentleman who has been promoting this treatMent (GcMaf) is currently languishing in Wandsworth prison due to persecution and prosecution by the big pharmaceutical establishment. If anyone would care to look up David Noakes they will get the whole story but ignore wikipedia prapaganda.

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  9. Hi Rob, have you spotted this article. It illustrates the height of Frank Lampard’s hypocrisy:

    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/chelsea/8590660/Chelsea-manager-Andre-Villas-Boas-is-an-analyst-who-leaves-nothing-a-chance.html

    There’s even mention that the Chelski squad appreciated Andre’s succinct analysis of details gained from his spying incognito at other teams’ training grounds!

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    • Yes, I saw that. There’s a few more that make it clear Bielsa’s actions are hardly unknown. But the Lampard connection makes that one particularly ironic, given his ridiculous whinging.

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  10. Life is LUFC

    Very good Rob have 5 gold stars. You know I think you personally could write and make a comedy film out of this fiasco based on this blog, had a rite good laff and the imagination ran riot.
    Such sad news about little Toby and Phil and both so young. RIP both of you and Phil, take care of young Toby and have a good kick about together where ever you both are now.

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  11. A bit high with your assessment of Sky pundits IQ’s Rob. MOT

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  12. Ken Jarvis

    Ah brilliant stuff Rob.

    That’s made my day & it’s only 7am.

    Time to forward the article onto the ABL (anything but Leeds) brigade & remind them that they are bloody hyprocrites

    Like

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