Would Cellino Be a Better Bet for West Ham Than Porn Kings Sullivan & Gold? – by Rob Atkinson


Hammers Porn Barons

One of the least salient facts about Massimo Cellino, allegedly on the brink of a multi-million pound buyout of Leeds United, is that he has previously attempted to get hold of West Ham, currently clinging on to their precarious Premier League status. That move failed though, leaving the gorgeous, pouting Hammers ripe for acquisition by Messrs Sullivan and Gold, highly successful in the business of making soft porn available across the breakfast table in thousands of low-IQ British households.

The Hammers will doubtless be content with how they emerged from that transaction and have gone on to break new ground and establish new records under the leadership of their walrus-like manager, Fatuous Sam, the Allardyce man. One of these records was set just the other day when the ‘Ammers completed a 0-9 reverse over two Capital One Cup semi-final legs against Manchester City. It is thought that a nine goal margin of defeat at the last stage before Wembley is comfortably a record. West Ham did make a previous attempt at the biggest semi-final defeat over twenty years ago, losing the first leg 0-6 at mighty Oldham, but reverted to the mundane in an anti-climactic return encounter.

Time was of course that the ‘Ammers boasted a more positive cup pedigree, even ascending to the heights of World Cup victors in 1966, or so the fable has it in the desperate back streets and alleyways of Plaistow and Mile End.  And of course, such conceits do afford the rest of the football world a gentle chortle or two, which really is what West Ham are there for in the first place.

It remains to be seen what will become of the proposed deal for Cellino’s purchase of Leeds, but some Hammers may ask themselves if this may not have been a better option than the stewardship of the porn barons. Only time will tell and the best basis for comparison may well be next season when the ‘Appy ‘Ammers and Leeds will once again be competing in the same division.

Advertisements

24 responses to “Would Cellino Be a Better Bet for West Ham Than Porn Kings Sullivan & Gold? – by Rob Atkinson

  1. sniffers shorts

    il gioco piu bello

    Like

  2. It would be worth pointing out also,that the 66 World Cup winners were coached by a certain Les Cocker. So these cockney types ought to appreciate the work that went on behind the scenes in order for the Bogota Bracelet Bandit to lift the World Cup.

    Like

  3. That damned Don Revie

    There we were, quietly bumbling along, happy to be a football non-entity. Content with life in div.2 punctuated by occasional, if fleeting, visits to the div.1 top table and unearthing the odd rough diamond such as John Charles.

    Then, along came that damned Don Revie and put together the best side in Europe, maybe the world. A dazzlingly talented psychopath of a team that assassinated opponents without remorse, feared, hated and secretly admired.

    For fans used to stultifying mediocrity, the feeling was euphoric. Other teams followers looked up at us with envy, fear and hated; and we loved it.

    It ended, as all good things must, but we, the fans, were irrevocably changed. When you’ve been the best, it’s impossible to accept anything less.

    Which is why this sorry TOMA2 saga is so hard to take.

    Damn you Don Revie – and Sargeant Wilko.

    Like

    • This is the eternal dilemma – are our enhanced expectations, the legacy of being simply the best, a blessing or a curse? Whichever it is, I find it impossible to contemplate being anything other than Leeds to the core.

      Like

  4. It didn’t take long for HF to throw his teddy out of his cot when he read this rob , I wonder if he went to upton park for the cup semi this week ,? a massive 14k and half of them were the porn kings version of pound land , I wonder if Hf was let in for a pound too ? He would qualify with his mental age of ten

    Like

  5. Some weird rumours flying around on the net (more than usual)…Tony Soprano taking over, Julio Cesar on his way & ex-Milan boss Allegri as gaffer at ER!! Not sure what the fek is going on but it all sounds very, very dodgy

    Like

  6. Not sure what to think about the chance of him taking over at Leeds. Seems quite a character but his track record with managers is worrying. We could do with some stability right now. I’m pretty confused as to what’s going on, who will own what and where to we go from here. Plus getting a Brazilian in worries me as it makes me think of another Brazilian we once got in that, an we all know how that went! Why can’t anything be straight forward at Leeds?! Well I guess it’s a case of keeping ur fingers crossed n pray to the footballing gods!

    Like

  7. Not bad Handsome, not bad.

    Like

  8. David Lambert

    First of all, may i thank you for your assistance with the page wallpaper, this is greatly appreciated.
    Now on to the days news.I could idly type away about the much protracted takeover. Are we to have a prospective Tory M.P. or an unbalanced Italian power tripper. Who can tell, after all, we are Leeds, ANYTHING is possible. But the facts of the matter are,, there are no facts . No reassurances from either party in the initial negotiation, and nothing that i have seen from the Italian of any official nature to either ratify or deny the current reports in certain media. So not a lot to opine about really, other than a point i touched on in a previous post.
    I have long held the belief that most things sit within a natural order. One of these, which occurred to me as a child, watching from the boys pen, was that results seemed better, when we played towards the Kop in the second half. Another, and more recent thought, was whilst watching one of our away matches, i found myself looking at the strip and thinking to myself, ” for gods sake, can we go back to the yellow kit “.
    Now i do not profess to be any great crucible of knowledge about our beloved teams historical stats, but what i have learned from reading this page, is that many of the contributors to this site do have considerable knowledge, or the time and means to satisfy my superstitious nature. Firstly, do we win more home games as a percentage when we play towards the Kop in the second half, and secondly, were away results better when we last played in yellow.
    Now you may feel that i have completely lost the plot, and should probably be supervised at all times, and maybe your right, but with the lack of a weekend game, and no commentary from any official source, what else is there to think about, other than any way where we can gain even the slightest improvement in the odds of us winning games ?.
    So onwards, in to another day in the life of a Leeds United supporter, Maybe all the recent talk as been just a ruse by the current owners to gain an improved sale, or the Haigh consortium for an improved purchase, who knows, and indeed will we ever know, the one thing that is certain, is that we are Leeds, and this is how we roll.
    M.O.T.

    Like

    • Thank you for a good read, from which I take the following: firstly, that someone agrees with me about the psychological edge given to us by playing toward the Kop in the second half and by having an all-yellow away strip (and also about the fundamental rightness of these two factors). And secondly – SOMEONE IS HAPPY WITH THE WAY THE BLOG LOOKS!! WHA-HEEEEEYYY, AT LAST!!!! I’ve been waiting for this for SO long, so now I want to draw a line in the sand and state that #LLUUE will be staying exactly how it is for the foreseeable.

      Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙂

      Like

  9. I agree with you about the first two things. But the blue stinks.

    I like to offer what support I can.

    Like

  10. As a parody of The Game’s Gone Crazy, Rob, that piece was far too clever and well-written.

    Like

  11. sniffershorts

    more complete bullshit then, the Italian is only an adivisor, more smoke screens the Italian press is as bad as the British WTF. The fans need to be informed what the hell is going on, ive never endorsed it, but a one match boycott on a non attendance may wake the buggers up…. sick to back teeth of this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  12. I see that the piece of human detritus that is the armchair hammer doesn’t just have questionable tv viewing habits,he also has no moral code whatsoever. He’s taken to mocking adults with learning difficulties now. What an absolutely vile creature. He’s clearly in desperate need of attention now if he’s willing to stoop lower than normal. I would urge everyone not to leave comments,ha gets money for his shit.

    Like

  13. sniffersshorts

    and now they make a bid for Ross ….. it is getting worst …. we will never live that down from that idjit if he does

    Like

Leave a Reply - Publication at Site owner's Discretion

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s