The football world was “United” on Saturday evening as the Mighty Man U proved that they are still the best team in the Universe – as long as they are guided by a true soccer genius and all-round nice guy, such as Ryan “Giggsywiggsy” Giggs. It was a day of triumph for Giggs, who never put a foot wrong as he showed that, as well as being the greatest winger in the history of the game, he is also the finest coach quite literally ever.
This 4-0 walkover was started in the best traditions of the Pride of Devon with a penalty, as Welbeck went down over a non-existent foot inside the Canaries area. Rooney gleefully converted with what must have been the finest penalty ever seen in the history of the game, to give the Rampant Reds a well-deserved half-time lead. Second-half goals followed with Rooney completing his brace and sub Mata – introduced by Giggs in a stroke of managerial genius – also notching two. The crowd at the Theatre of Hollow Myths thrilled to a display of attacking football, the like of which had never been seen before and put the legendary Brazilian team of the 1970 World Cup to shame. On this evidence, it is impossible to dispute the wisdom of the Football Writers electing gorgeous, pouting Ryan as the best manager ever, even given his relative lack of experience at only 90 minutes.
It shouldn’t be forgotten that Giggs has not had it easy on his path to becoming the Greatest Coach in the Universe. He’s had to fight for most of what he’s got in life – just ask ex-girlfriend, former Hollyoaks starlet and sometime punchbag Davinia Murphy. Now, the media are right behind Giggs as he takes on the task of restoring Man U to their former winning ways. His loyalty and commitment cannot be questioned – except possibly by his cuckolded brother Rhodri – and we can be sure that Our Ryan will stop at nothing to restore his beloved club to the Champions League at the earliest possible opportunity – by next week in fact, if UEFA know which side their bread is buttered.
Meanwhile, Man U fans from Torquay to Bangkok will be relieved that a man whose essential character so closely matches that of their favourite club is finally in charge and ready to oversee a return to more familiar methods of winning games and titles. To this end, Giggs has inherited the Fergie Stopwatch and is prepared to have his face dyed puce with that distinctive purple nose detail made famous by the gruff Glaswegian Taggart lookalike. It seems as though the good times will be back sooner rather than later down Trafford way – and the English press will have something to celebrate from this season after all.
Despite the fact that some hold a less-than-flattering view of the Welsh Genius – brother Rhodri for instance has labelled him “a worm, a weasel and a bottler” – true football fans will be well aware that the Quorn-munching superstar, the deserving winner of a BBC Sports Personality Award despite not possessing one, has what it takes to rise above all that and prove himself to be the Greatest Person in Creation, following Ferguson and Busby before him.
So let’s hear it for that nice guy, football genius – and now proven world-class coach – Ryan Giggsy Wiggsy!!