As a long-suffering Leeds fan, I’ve learned to temper my expectations and to live with disappointment for the vast majority of the time. Such is the lot of most genuine football fans, only the plastic glory-hunters can expect much better – and even they will eventually experience hard times, as the fate of Man U this season is comically proving. So my wishes tend to be few and simple, and right now they can be distilled down to three major desires I’d love to see fulfilled over the next couple of months.
For once, none of these revolve around disease, pestilence or other misfortunes for those lovely people at the Theatre of Hollow Myths. The poor old Pride of Devon are having a horrible season and the red quarter of Manchester has had to suffer anew today, watching the city’s premier club walk off with the season’s first silverware. I wish bad cess to them, as ever, but they seem to be screwing up all on their own at the moment, so I can devote my wishes elsewhere in the knowledge that the Evil Empire is crumbling of its own accord – I’ll just offer up a small prayer for Mr Moyes, who is doing such a fantastic job over there on t’wrong side of t’Hills.
My wishes then, are as follows:
- I would very much like Norwich City to get relegated. This would scratch an itch that’s been troubling me for a few years now, ever since a bunch of backwoods yonners started raiding my beloved Leeds and their yokel fans began gloating about the circumstances which brought this ridiculous state of affairs about. I really can’t stand jumped-up little clubs acting above their station, and Norwich have been guilty of this several times lately – so I’m afraid I wish doom upon them – and after today’s meek loss at Villa, I might just get what I’m after. If they got relegated, it would be some sort of karma, and it’d be bloody funny besides. So screw you, Delia – oh dear, how sad, tough. I’m sure you’ll be able to drown your sorrows when this joyous event comes to pass.
- Related to (1) above – I want Snoddy back. He’s class, he’s far too good for a tiny little outfit like Naaaaaaarritch – and he belongs at Leeds. There’s a rumour that we have first option – so if that’s true, if Norwich get relegated and IF we’re rich enough (see 3) – then it’d be rude not to enforce our contractual rights and nick Snoddy back. I do believe he’d be a better person for it, too. But then again, I’m biased.
- This could really be number 1 – however, I had spite to vent on Norwich City first. But it’s vital that we get Massimo Cellino confirmed as Leeds United owner as soon as possible, so we really need the Football League to get off their arses, get their finger out and get it sorted, quickly. All prayers beyond that for David Moyes should be directed towards this desirable outcome. When we get the ownership outcome sorted, we can look forward to a substantially different investment and transfer policy, ownership of Elland Road, and much, much more, as they say in the adverts. Make it happen, the sooner the better.
The granting of these three wishes will do me for now – but inevitably they would lead on to more wishes of an increasingly ambitious and extravagant nature. This is only to be expected – Leeds have been poor relations for far too long, and it’s high time we had some seriously good things to look forward to. So: whoever’s in charge of these things – please take note. Sort out these three small wishes for me, and stand by for further communications in the near future.