Daily Archives: 25/10/2018

FA Boy Band Compliance Unit to Charge Leeds Over Trolling Niall Horan – by Rob Atkinson

Horan: deeply hurt after “innocent remark”

In the latest twist to the ongoing dispute between renegade Championship club Leeds United and the football authorities, the FA are set to charge the Yorkshire giants over what is being seen as their online bullying of former One Direction member and current solo nonentity Niall Horan.

This latest spat started when Horan remarked on Twitter that “No one likes Leeds”. The United media team, in the name of fun lolz and bantz, responded with “No one likes your solo career” and the hashtag #BringBack1D – upon which the 25 year old Irish millionaire broke down crying and contacted the FA.

An examination of this issue could persuade Leeds to utilise the classic “libel defence” against any charge arising out of the Twitter exchange, ie that their statement was true and no one does like Horan’s solo career. After all, his original X Factor audition was as a solo artiste, and he was eliminated (although Louis Walsh liked him, allegedly).

Derby County fan Horan, in an emotional statement to the football authorities, claimed that he was “deeply hurt”. His remark had been “innocent”, he insisted, adding “Anyway, no one does like Leeds. They don’t, they don’t!“, before stamping his feet and flouncing off, muttering about “Poor Franny and that thug Hunter” and “that spawny 4-1 win at Pride Park”.

When asked about their Twitter riposte to Horan’s tweet, Leeds United would only comment “We should make it absolutely clear, this was just a joke on our part; we’re not really advocating that One Direction should re-form. God, no”. However, the FA’s notorious Boy Band Compliance Unit are said to be taking a dim view of United’s attitude towards one of their fave solo stars, and are likely to relegate the Whites to the Conference with immediate effect.

FA Chairman Greg Clarke is 103.

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Five of the Best Inflicted on Harry Kewell as Leeds Wonderkids Batter Notts County – by Rob Atkinson

It’s possibly a little uncool to crow about an U-23 victory, even of the most decisive variety, and away from home too. But allow me to make an exception in the case of the Leeds United second string’s wilful destruction of their Notts County equivalents at Ilkeston this afternoon. Notts County, by their appointment of former Leeds star turned shameless Judas Harry Kewell, have entered my little black book, that symbolic item inspired by big Jack Charlton‘s own record of those who had upset or annoyed him. I wish them nothing but ill, and their disgrace of a coach too.

Kewell was possibly the most talented performer to emerge from the United youth setup since Eddie Gray. He had all the ability in the world, simply oozing technical skill, vision and an unerring eye for goal. Like many another fan, I was seduced by all of this, but there was a nagging doubt from quite early in his Leeds career. I remember in those early days, he scored a sublime narrow-angle volley against Derby County in a game Leeds won 4-3 from being 0-3 down. It was a cracking strike, a sumptuous finish, and any other youngster would have been climbing the floodlight pylons in sheer elation. But not Kewell – he strolled back to the halfway line with the merest, indolent celebratory wave of his arm, as if to say “make way for a genius”. Well, genius he was, on the ball anyway, but something missing in his character, maybe a measure of humility, separated him from the greats like Eddie Gray. It also proved fundamental to his later transgressions.

I won’t recount that degraded fall into infamy and disgrace again here, I’ve done it before in detail. The selfishly-engineered move to Liverpool, depriving a broke Leeds of much-needed cash. His lack of bottle coming off in a Champions League Final with Liverpool 0-3 down, then cavorting uninjured with his unearned winner’s medal after Liverpool had fought back to triumph without him. And the ultimate, calculated insult – the crass insensitivity of his move to that bestial, feral Istanbul club hated with such good reason by all fans of Leeds United. Let’s leave it at merely listing these things, they speak for themselves, after all.

It’s going to take many more incidents like today’s humbling of a team from Kewell’s Notts County, before any United fan will seriously suggest we’ve achieved payback. But it’ll do to be going on with – so well done to Leeds United’s increasingly impressive U-23 side on another outstanding display – one that I’d like to think was inspired by the identity of the opposition boss.

Chalk one item off in my little black book.