League Hope for Leeds Ownership Decision “Before Next Ice Age” – by Rob Atkinson


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Shaun Harvey: no axe to grind, honest guv.

The Football League today moved to quell growing concern at the continued delay in reaching a decision on the proposed takeover of Leeds United by Eleonora Sports.  League spokesman Lee D. Shater confirmed in a brief statement that “it is envisaged a decision can be reached sometime in the present glacial period”.  The prediction, which nails down the potential notification date to sometime in the next 5.7 million years, would seem to fly in the face of letters from Leeds United Football Club to the Football League, requesting that the matter be concluded by last Thursday. Mr Shater was dismissive of this request, stating that it was “unfeasible”. The League would, he said, stick by its 5.7 million year timescale – though he did add that the effects of global warming could potentially stretch this out to as much as 8.9 million years.

The reaction at Elland Road was philosophical.  “We didn’t really expect to hear by last Thursday,” a source advised Life, Leeds United, the Universe & Everything. “We were just hoping to apply a little subtle pressure with a view to hearing some positive news, perhaps by the end of the century”. The proposed timescale of “sometime within this geothermal epoch” has caused some scratching of heads at the club, where officials confirm that all paperwork has been submitted and that everything should be in place for an announcement at any time.

ImageThe latest from the League is that part of the delay has been down to their desire to recruit a new non-executive member of the Football League board, who would be envisaged to have some vital input into the decision-making process. One surprise name in the frame is that of Birmingham City owner Carson Yeung.  The fact that Yeung is currently in jail in China is not seen as an obstacle to his involvement in the Cellino case.  “Carson is still the owner of Birmingham City, and we feel that his particular experience will prove vital in determining the suitability of Massimo Cellino to be the owner of one of the Football League family of clubs,” said Mr Shater, shredding a file marked “Documents requested from Leeds”.  A prominent sports lawyer later confirmed that Yeung’s criminal record could be of positive relevance in the Leeds case. “After all, it takes a thief to catch a thief”, he winked cheekily.

Shaun Harvey is irretrievably bent.

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14 responses to “League Hope for Leeds Ownership Decision “Before Next Ice Age” – by Rob Atkinson

  1. Loved that…funny as!

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  2. The FL forgot that those are working days only so the dates have now slipped further to 8 million years rising to 12.5 million. Can’t wait.

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  3. FL are a bunch of tossers. Does anyone know who the law firm is that is dealing with this issue because they need some serious de marketing activity applied to them. They are effectively taking the piss out of Cellino and Hague. Wish Cellino would challenge thei process/decision making in the High Court this week

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  4. I wonder what will happen first-Toma2 or the discovery of the missing jet? Or they find Nessie? Or put a man on the moon?

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  5. Quality Rob

    Something we haven’t seen in the Leeds boardroom for a good while.

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  6. Saying as there’s a cosmic reference in this blogs title and the takeover still hasn’t happened, i may aswell give one or two reasons for my belief in the faked moon landings. Firstly,the fight against communism was and still is a national obsession with america and they went to extraordinary lengths to fight it and steal a march on the russians. Secondly,look who was us president at the time? One of the most infamous crooks in political history. The photos have been proven to be fake,for instance there aren’t any stars to be seen anywhere. A rather big cock up from mr Kubrik me-thinks. I could go on,on,on.

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    • The thing is, though, any hoax would have been detectable by the tracking devices of the time, which detected the Apollo craft all the way to the lunar surface. All of the supposed photography flaws have been scientifically debunked – Google it – and Nixon is irrelevant. You’d be better off with the Flat Earthers, Mick 😉

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  7. Ha ha,you’re worse than me for conspiricy theories. The faked photos have been debunked by nasa for sure,but they were weak explanations. For instance there are more stars in the current Leeds squad than can be seen in the “moon landing” photos. Also they took all photos when the landing craft had landed (obviously) yet in two photos with identical backgrounds there’s a moon unit in one and nothing in the other. Then you’ve got equally obvious flaws like shadows pointing in different directions despite only one source of light. It would need a layer of 12ft of concrete or 6ft of lead to protect any “lunar pioneers” from the deadly Van Allen belt. I’d love to know who was tracking the rocket too. Not the americans by any chance? Nah mate, sheer propaganda at the height of Cold war hysteria and a war they were losing in Vietnam. At least 20% of americans think it was a hoax even.

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    • You’re struggling Mick if you’re relying on 20% of Americans for backup – they’re probably the people who believe in creationism and want to stop geology and evolution being taught in schools. THEY’LL tell you the moon landings were a hoax because God told THEM that while they were having a private chat just the other week 😉

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      • That 20% is over 40m mind. An infamous dictator and the most evil person that ever lived revealed his tactics for hoodwinking the masses when he wrote that if you’re going to lie,lie big. By coincidence,one of his people was headhunted for the nasa space programme. The moon landing lie was indeed so big that nobody could possibly disbelieve it.

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      • But people do disbelieve it – so that bollockses THAT theory up 🙂

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